Chance
by boniron16
Summary: When one is born of human and wolf…fate has to make the decision. Two sisters, two destinies. Which will shift, which will remain static?
1. Prologue

She is beautiful. She is powerful. The ice to my fire, the ying to my yang. We are two parts of a whole, we are sisters.

I remember days in windblown summers, when my sun-kissed locks were knotted with bows and I danced with the golden butterflies. Back when reason had little to no rhyme and risk was a close associate. We were taught courage, no fear… she made me brave.

She loved me then, when her dark locks shone with painted moon-dust. The kind of unconditional love only two siblings can understand. The kind of love that evokes only the most powerful, fierce sort of loyalty about its essence.

She was my best friend.

We shared everything, clothes, shoes, toys…

After all, we were created of the same cell, split 50/50 down the middle to be born into this world as two instead of one.

My twin.

We grew together, we learned together. About all of the secrets, about all of the _magic. _We were free to be anything back then, when everything about life seemed impossible and wonderful and spontaneous.

I still recall those memories, those images. Our entwined fingers, tanned in color from the summer heat, waving about as we raced through the underbrush. All of those scrapes and bruises… howling at the moon as the stars dotted themselves across the black back drop of the night sky.

Our cheeks would stretch wide with bellows of engulfing sound and my uncertainty's were suspended. But I was a fool to think that love could transcend. A fool to trust the person who had never left my side.

Chance took her from me, chance broke our impenetrable ties.

I loved her once, in a time when my sun-kissed strands were knitted with bows. A time where she played the dark to my light. I loved her once, but I guess love was her lie.

----

Hello All,

My name is Lauren and I absolutely adored The Dark Guardian Series. Tell me if you like the prologue? Should I continue?

~L


	2. Logan

~**Chapter One**~

June. The fifteenth to be precise. It's a Monday, but that doesn't really mean much now that its summer and classes are complete.

Not that school ever meant anything more than a place to be five out of the seven days in a week.

It's Monday. The first Monday of summer. So congrats to you, Monday, for the next three months you are stripped of your bad connotations. No longer are you subjected to the early morning groans of disgruntled teenagers. No longer are you cursed for being the vile first day back to classes or the dreaded end to the praised weekend.

No. Today your just Monday, just another day, the first of many to celebrate with obnoxious amounts of sleep and procrastination of one's summer reading list. But most importantly, Monday, today you get to be special, not only for me, but for Lily too. It's our birthday today. Our 17th to be exact.

Not that 17 is exactly the most special of dates. Usually one's major celebratory birthday is 18th or 21st. The true milestones. But where I'm from, Monday, 17 is the big date. It marks the beginning of a new phase, an all-encompassing phase. A phase that changes us from human to shifter.

But today wasn't just a day to celebrate birth, it was also the summer solstice, and the teens of Tarrant were all a buzz. At least, the teens lucky enough to posses the ability to shift.

Which... I was not. Am not. I'm human, pulled the short straw. Ended up on the wrong 'side'. My name is Logan. I'm 17 years old, and in three weeks when the full moon reaches it's zenith I will be home alone, eating cookie dough ice cream, watching old movies, while my sister, my twin, shifts for the first time.

So I fell into my normal Monday morning routine...or Monday afternoon you could say. My family wasn't expected at the festivities until sun down, not that I really wanted to attend the event. It was more awkward than fun for me most years.

I was ten when the elders confronted the parentals. My mom...she's human. Call it a fluke or whatever, but my shifter father fell in love with a 'static' and nine months later, ta da! Twins!

It was pretty cool when I was younger, I mean...who didn't want a best friend who you lived with and shared toys with and parents and a room and well...looks? No, Lily and I aren't identical per se.... but the similarities are all there. Where Lily is all dark locked and chocolate eyed, I'm corn colored hair and irises of deep green.

She's prettier. At least that's how I see it.

She's nicer. She's smarter. She knows her future.

On a good day, my hair is semi-cooperative and I'm in an average mood at best. On a good day I do my homework to the bare minimum and then sit around the attic strumming my guitar in a brooding sort of fashion. On a good day, I know what I'll eat for breakfast the next morning, or what movie I'll see the following week. On a good day...I'll only feel sorry for myself once or twice.

I remember that summer. I remember attending the solstice festivities, playing 'wolf' with the other children as we chased each other around the perimeter of our gated city. I remember clearly the impatient look on my father's face and the nervous set about my mother's jaw. I remember the elders cautious glance when staring at me, and their proud smiles when their eyes found Lily's tiny form.

I remember being pulled aside, hesitant to leave my sister and the other children. I remember my mother holding my hand. I remember my father's distant gaze.

And then those words... "Not a shifter. She's a static." And it only took six words to ruin my entire outlook on life. All my plans for the future...all my ideas about romance.... only six words to break the relationship between two sisters.

And since then, I've been the static in a community of shifters. I've been the odd ball that knows but will never be able to act upon. The outcast. And most of the time, the loner.

Last year, I didn't even attend the solstice. Knowing it was only an occasion meant for the celebration of the shifters and for the young teens an opportunity to be exposed to possible mates. Mates. The idea is totally archaic... in an extremely romantic and beautiful way.

I used to dream about having a mate...sometimes I still do. As if I will ever be so lucky to have someone be so hopelessly committed to me that they don't know what to do with themselves.

Lily will have that... has that I guess you could say. His name is Austin. He's every kind of perfect for her. His gold almost white locks fall in close contact with the tops of his ears, his eyes match hers. He's beautiful...just like all the other male shifters...just like all the guys that have sworn off static girls. AKA me.

He's always around here, following Lily around like the puppy he is. The two have been inseparable since the fall after we turned sixteen. Austin was 18 and just about to under go his transformation. He proclaimed her his mate two weeks after the solstice and has the tattoo to prove it.

I try to keep my distance from them when they are hanging out at the house. Lily doesn't like me being around her all that much anymore, most likely due to the fact that I haven't spoken more than three words to her in the last month or so.

I know that it's pathetic...instead of being supportive of her and happy for her I've let my jealousy swallow me whole.

But today would be different, or at least, that's what I told myself. Today I would try, be positive. I would wish her a happy birthday, wave 'hi' to Austin. Maybe make a five-minute appearance at the solstice. Try to be social for my parent's sake and then go to bed feeling some sort of accomplished.

Here goes nothing.

I kept my mantra simple as I padded my barefoot self down the creaky wooden staircase of our simple two stories home. 'Seem happy and you will be happy'. Of course that mantra was more of a lie than a means of motivation because the second I turned the corner in the kitchen my expression fell.

The room was decorated in appropriate birthday fashion, balloons, presents, a corny banner that read "Happy 17th" and my mother's signature M&M pancakes. But it wasn't the decorations that threw my thoughts away from the precious mantra it was the sight of my sister being swung around by an exuberant Austin that made me frown.

I didn't exactly know how to react to their PDA. Although you couldn't exactly call an enthusiastic hug PDA. I guess it was the more the way he looked at her, as if she was glue that held him together, that kept him grounded...and knowing that I can't even get a date to prom, let alone a guy declaring his eternal and undying love in the next three weeks…kinda sucked.

I coughed under my breath, it was about as subtle as I could allow myself to be. Not wanting to intrude any more than I already had. I heard a surprised gasp and a quiet thud as Austin set Lily onto her feet, keeping his arms in place around her hips.

"Um...sorry." I blushed, looking down at the floor and away from their tangled forms.

"It's okay." I heard Lily whisper.

After the passing of a few more awkward moments, I made my move towards the counter to pile a few pancakes onto my plate and pour myself a glass of milk.

Austin and Lily remained quiet throughout the process, and it did nothing to release the tension. I had a brief moment of panic in which I debated taking the food back up to my room but shook off my worries and moved toward the table.

"Happy Birthday." I whispered to Lily as I passed her on my way around the counter. She responded with the appropriate 'you too', before dragging Austin out of the kitchen in the direction of the living room.

I guess we still weren't on speaking terms. I sighed, feeling a bit dejected as I stared forlornly at the rainbow colored breakfast cakes that sat atop my plate.

After a few more minutes of picking at my food I turned my attention to the colorful boxes and cards that sat atop the table.

When we were little, Lily and I used to have a contest on each of our birthday's to see who would get the most presents. Usually it was a tie, our parents bestowing upon us the same amount of gifts so as to refrain from either of us being jealous.

Guess they gave up on that notion a while ago because this year, instead of an equal amount of gifts it looks as if the entire pile might be Lily's. It hurt...a lot...but I understood, I guess. She would need a lot of stuff for the transformation, it was tradition for the parents to buy their daughter a white robe which she would wear the night of her moon, and it was custom for friends to drop off cards and/or presents as a means to congratulate the new shifter into the community.

Being static didn't really help me in this department. I found two cards for me, one written out in my mother's chicken scratch and one a generic Hallmark from my static grandparents who lived somewhere in Arizona.

'Happy Birthday, Logan.' it read, with their respective signatures beneath it.

"Thanks." I whispered back to the unresponsive card as I set it down on the table. I examined the boxes then, standing up to get a better look, and after a few minutes of search, coming up with one thin box. "From Mom and Dad" it read on the front... I decided to take it up to my room knowing that it was most likely another pack of sheet music and one of mom's inspirational 'it's okay to be who you are' hand written notes tucked somewhere under the wrapping paper.

Mom's card was extra inspirational this year, and hidden underneath the book of, yes you guessed it, sheet music, were two airplane tickets to be used anytime in the next year to go anywhere in the continental US. Too bad I didn't have anyone else to take with me. Maybe I would just give them to Lily and Austin. At least then they could be construed as useful.

I tossed the plane tickets into the side drawer of my off white night stand and slammed the door shut with a resounding thud.

It didn't do much for the frustration coursing through me. Nothing ever did. So I took my guitar, my new sheet music, and a pick up to the attic to strum my anger in solitude.

It was around four when I heard the knock on the attic door. It was mom. "Fifteen minutes." She greeted, leaning her tall form against the dusty doorframe.

Mom was beautiful. People joke she should have been my twin. Yea, thanks _so_ much for the static DNA mom. But all bitterness aside, she was the typical tall, thin, long blonde hair, pantsuit wearing workaholic. But she was my mom, and mom…well she was always on my side, and I loved her all the more for it. When I was having a 'wow-my-life-really-sucks' sort of day she was always there with her inspirational pep talks and her reassuring hugs.

"Thanks for the warning...and the gift." I smiled, waving the sheets in a gesture of acknowledgement. She gave me a curt nod, her blonde eyebrow's raising slightly.

"Where's the rest of your gift?" She inquired, pushing herself away from the wall, the motion causing small dust particles to mix with the clean air.

I shrugged, turning away from her curious gaze to strum an A-chord.

"In the night stand." I responded in a nonchalant fashion.

"Not necessarily a good place for them. Why don't I help you pick someplace this weekend and we can set up a week long trip for you to take this summer?" She wondered, plopping herself down beside me.

"I don't know. I don't really have anyone to go with... Why don't you and dad use them to take a second honeymoon or something?" I asked, putting the necessary amount of 'pep' in my voice to make it seem believable.

She frowned. "We bought those tickets for you, sweetie. You're the only one allowed to use them." Her tone was challenging, and in an effort to avoid a fight, I gave her a noncommittal smile and made to stand up.

"I should go get ready, the party will be in full swing soon...wouldn't want to miss all the fun." She didn't respond to my sarcasm as I moved about the room gathering up the scattered bits of sheet music and placing my guitar back into it's case.

"Alright. Happy birthday, Logan." She whispered, leaving through the doorway, her heels clicking and creaking along the wooden steps.

I sighed, waiting only a moment or so before following her path down the steps and back into my room to change.

"You look nice." My father wasn't a man of many words, so this somewhat insignificant proof of recognition made me smile inwardly.

"Same." He shrugged at my response, turning his attention away from me and back to the road. We were only about fifteen minutes or so outside of Wolford, our "village" of sorts. More like a gathering place for the shifters and their families. It was just me and the parents along four this four-wheel journey, Lily and Austin had decided to hike their way into the village after lunch. What would normally be a good day's journey on foot was cut to shreds when one rides the back of a wolf.

"I've heard the elders are going to specially recognize your birthday tonight during the celebration. Won't that be cool?" My mother asked, probably to instill some form of conversation in the indifferent atmosphere. I roll my eyes at the comment.

Recognize Lily would be the more likely situation. The elders didn't really take well to my humanity. They were wary of me for some reason, as if they couldn't quite figure me out. So I kept my distance to appease them. I was granted the same rights and privileges as the other shifters while staying in the village or visiting, and I didn't want to ruin that somehow by angering the leaders of our pack.

Of course, the elders were more advisors than leaders. We had only one pack leader, and for the last few years Lucas has held the position. He was three years older than I was, he was nice enough...but like the elders...like all of the shifters, he was hesitant around me. It used to hurt, not having his trust or anyone else's for that matter. But time and indifference made me numb to the rejection. So i just did what I needed to in order to be allowed back every year.

"We're almost there." My mother said, her voice impossibly excited. What was with her tonight? I wasn't sure. Was she so happy for the both of us to be celebrating the solstice and our birthdays? Or maybe she was just happy that Lily would experience her shift soon. I couldn't tell, nor could I be bothered to care for we had just pulled up to the gate.

_A/N: So, what'd you guys think? I know this is kind of a late update but I'm super busy this month and between studying for AP's and Finals and graduation coming up, finding time to write is harder than I thought. I hope you guys liked this chapter. I know the prologue was kinda cryptic, but I wanted it to be :P _

_~Lauren_


	3. Festival

~** Chapter Two **~

The village was crowded, as usual for this particular day. Mom and Dad had found parking a few miles away from the gates, and we had to hike a bit, but it was worth it.

Hiking was my favorite part of living in Tarrant. It was a necessity. Some people walk, some people run, but I hike. And living in such close proximity to the national forest, hiking was about as close to team sports as one could get. Of course, the local high school had a football team, but that was about it. Unless I wanted to try out for cheerleading...'woot!'.

Yea, no. So Lily and I, we stuck with hiking. Along with the rest of our shifter generation. Of course, back then my objective was to memorize the woods, to know them backwards and forwards so that when I finally transformed...I could join the Dark Guardians.

The Dark Guardians are the protectors of our society. Of our very lifestyle. Dark Guardians are at the 'top of the food chain' for lack of a better description. They are top tear, and highly regarded among the shifters. Austin is a Dark Guardian.

Lily Is lucky in that aspect. She's a novice right now, attends all the meetings but can't really participate in any of the goings on until after her full moon. I felt a sudden pang of longing in my chest. I had always wanted to be a Dark Guardian, but I wasn't even allowed to be considered a novice.

It was degrading and sad, but I understood where they were coming from I guess. I don't think, for whatever reason, the elders had a lot of faith in my ability. Ever since they officially declared me 'static' they have kept their distance and in a way I have reciprocated the action.

Loud voices and music could be heard not far from where we were now. I knew it wouldn't be that far now, and so I worked to put together a happy facade for the parentals while we were here. Truth is that I would probably hike back to the car in a few hours. I left a book and my guitar in the trunk. And even though it sounds pathetic, it would be more fun than gracing the shifters with my presence for longer than necessary.

At some point during these events it always becomes awkward for me.

The mingling is usually about events and concerns involving the pack at large and more often than not I'm not considered a part of 'the pack'. Not to mention that most of this 'mingling' is done in order for the girls to be introduced to the male shifters. Finding a mate before the first transformation moon is crucial for the survival of the female. Supposedly it wasn't possible for a female to live through the first shift if her mate wasn't there to coach her.

The sentiment seems sort of dramatic now, but its tradition, and shifters are all about observing the traditions.

"Almost there." I heard my mother whisper to herself. She was excited. As she should be I guess. She was human, sure. But my father was a respected shifter in our pack and the others knew she could be trusted. I was proud of her for finding her niche here in our unusual society. And often jealous of her acceptance and not my own. I was their daughter...I just didn't understand it.

We were approaching the gates now, dad pulled out his keycard and punched in the code and we were allowed in.

"Looks like the game's just getting underway." Dad spoke, nodding his head toward the right where the father-son football game was held. Dad didn't have any sons, but he was always happy to act as a referee or fill in if anyone had to step out and heal.

Shifters had an uncanny ability to heal. Well, uncanny to the statics. Bruises, cuts, broken bones. It only took a matter of minutes to heal if a shifter was in wolf-form. Even bullet wounds, as long as the weapon isn't silver, shifters are golden.

And due to this 'power' of ours, the players tended to give it there all and not hold back. It was entertaining, but at the same time scary. The amount of brute force they put behind those tackles...it made me cringe. I wasn't usually fond of watching them play, I much preferred to find a quiet table or corner and just rest until I could sneak away or my parents decided to leave.

"I'm gonna go find Lily." I told my mother, using my sister as an excuse to bail. I wouldn't actually go to find her. She was more than likely with her other friends or sucking face with Austin.

"Sure, honey." Mom spoke half-heartedly. Her attention gathered among the other shifter wives who thrived on gossip of the younger generations. I shook my head.

With my parents' attentions engaged elsewhere, I wandered off into the heart of the grounds toward the building itself. Wolford would be considered more fortress-like than domestic I suppose. It's sheer mass itself would hint at that, housing nearly all of the dark guardians and having additional rooms for the solstice visitors. It was pretty desolate during the annual festivities, most shifters preferred celebration to be outside, so no particular events or games were set up within its walls. I usually took to hiding in the grand counsel room or one of the many staircases. Somewhere quiet to think or read.

So that's where I headed, or at least, where I started to go. At least my feet were guiding me in that general direction until I caught sight of the paintings and tapestries that hung on the walls. Not that I wasn't already a friggen encyclopedia on all the goings on of Wolford and the shifters that accompanied it, I guess my mind was just looking for something interesting, knowing that I would bored for the next hour or so until I could start to hike back to the car. If I took a long enough route I wouldn't even have to wait that long for the parentals.

I sighed, dragging my fingers along the cobbled walls of the mansion, the grooves and textured concrete catching on the pads of my fingers, I imagined myself hundreds of years before in this very place. Would my situation be any different? You'd think that back then someone like me would be banished at the very least for not possessing the shifter gene. It seemed sad that the modern view hadn't changed that much.

"Shouldn't you be outside with the rest of the pack?" The voice startled me from my thoughts, but I didn't turn. The only indication I gave of hearing the familiar voice was a short shrug of my shoulders.

"I don't really think I'm considered part of the pack." I mumbled, not daring to look back at my unwelcome visitor.

"Don't be so mellow dramatic, you're still part of the pack even if you don't shift." He pointed out, and again I shrugged.

"Sure, sure." I turned myself around to face him then. Rafe was pretty much the epitome of Dark Guardian. And I will be the first to admit to having harbored a slightly pathetic crush on him freshman year when he was a senior. He was just so... cool. Tall, dark, and handsome. Just my type. Or, I guess, everyone's type.

But of course, Lindsey had to come in and swoop him off the radar. Not that I was bitter or anything.

Rafe and I were polite acquaintances now. Not exactly strangers, not exactly friends.

We spoke to each other maybe once a year, at this particular event more often than not.

"Where's Lindsey?" I wondered aloud, keeping my eyes on the floor and not on him. I was already feeling fairly pathetic and alone; no necessary reminders of lost crushes were needed at this point.

"Outside watching the game, I came in to get more cups, we're running low." I nodded, awkwardly shifting my weight from one foot to the other.

"Cool." I waited another moment before whispering a quick 'see ya' and moving back toward the front door. No time like the present for a nice long hike. After all I did mingle...sort of... if you count a three second conversation mingling.

"Catch ya later." Was Rafe's parting sentiment and then I was back in the main hall and pushing my way through the heavy front doors.

There weren't many people on patrol tonight, seeing as the entire community was out for the celebration. If anyone were to attack us, they'd face an army of at least sixty shifters. As far as we were concerned, we were solid.

So sneaking away from the festivities wouldn't exactly be considered difficult. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my denim shorts and dropped my eyes to the floor, my blonde hair falling to cover the sides of my face.

The gesture done in attempt to disappear even more than I already was.

It didn't take me long to get to the gates. I punched my families code into the little keypad and the lock clicked open in the next few seconds. I slipped through opening quietly, making sure to shut the door once I was all the way through, and listening for the predictable click of the lock before making my way into the woods.

It was nearing dusk now, the sun just barely skimmed the horizon making the usual brilliancy of the forest glow in it's dim light.

I attempted to stay as silent as possible, not wanting to attract any attention from the guardians but also from the other animals. I enjoyed just walking around, being a part of nature. It was as close as I could get to being 'one' with an actual animal, seeing as I wouldn't be transforming any time soon.

The forest was quiet, only the scattered hum of crickets and rustling sounds my boots made against the thick underbrush. The path I had chosen wasn't one of the usual hiking trails, but I wasn't worried about getting lost or hurt. I knew how to handle myself. You had to growing up in Tarrant.

And in these moments when I was alone, it wasn't so hard to pretend that I was like everyone else. That is, it wasn't so hard to _accept_ that I was like everyone else…everyone else being the 'statics'.

Being in the woods, _my_ woods, just felt natural. I didn't have to be able to see through the eyes to appreciate all the majesty around me. I dragged the pads of my fingers over a few tree trunks as I passed, the bark scratching pleasantly against my skin. I dug my heels into the dirt, smiling to myself at the familiar sinking impression each of my steps left behind.

_See, Logan, you don't have to be an animal to leave behind footprints. _

I sighed. Breathing in the fresh night air. The sun had gone down by now, the sky just barely containing a fuchsia tint as the now crescent-shaped moon made its appearance known to the west.

Everything out here just _smelled_ so fresh. So colorful. And because it was so familiar, the various noises and wind gusts did little to startle me or frighten me. I was in my element out here. I would always be.

I walked the perimeter of the path I had chosen. Knowing the car wasn't parked far from my current location. Maybe another mile or so.

"You know, you really shouldn't be out here." I felt the air whoosh past my lips, startled by the voice. I pivoted on my feet, curling my hands into fists, my eyes wide.

But nothing was out of place; there was no face or body to put with the voice. It was as if I had imagined it. I quickly shot my gaze to either of my sides, before relaxing my tense position ever so slightly.

"Whose there?" I almost whispered, my voice coated in apprehension.

"Nobody." Came the immediate response. And this time I was quick to realize it was coming from above and that is where I found him. Perched on a low tree branch just above my line of sight.

"What the hell are you doing up there?" I wondered aloud, sighing at the familiar face. He smirked at me.

"Well hello to you too, Logan." He laughed, jumping down from his branch.

"Did you follow me out here?" He shrugged, talking a few steps closer to me. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Maybe." I rolled my eyes at his vague response, turning back to the trail and continuing back to my car.

Drake. Drake Lawson.

He was about as close to a friend as I had in Tarrant, or … anywhere for that matter.

His family moved here just over a year and a half ago from out west. He was a year older than me, and had just celebrated his high school graduation.

He'd be attending Dartmouth in the fall. Going into music, he played a mean violin.

He fell into step behind me, as per usual. His ink black hair falling across his icy eyes as he ducked his head away from me.

Drake wasn't exactly popular in school, he was just … normal. Or, at least, that's how most of the students perceived him. He was the quiet, musical type. Studious, intellectual, artistic. And at the high school in Tarrant, limited his artistic options. We didn't have a band; we didn't have a proper music program even. It was slightly pathetic, but what could you do?

I'd met him at a welcoming party the elders held for his family just before the winter solstice last winter. And I wouldn't have really said anything to him unless he had noticed and commented on my short nails. Which would be completely strange if you didn't know that playing the guitar required one's nails to be all but non-existent.

He had asked me what kind of guitar I played. And it was then and there that I decided I would keep an open mind toward him and maybe even let myself get to know him.

Drake, like his parents, was a shifter. He wasn't made a Guardian until last summer though, after Lucas had a chance to asses and observe his skills.

"Where are you headed?" He spoke after a moment, breaking me out of my reflective thoughts.

I shrugged, mimicking his action. "Back to the car."

"Ah." Drake knew why, he got it. He seemed surprised to find out that I couldn't shift, his reaction similar to most. But he shrugged it off. He didn't judge me for it, like I felt half of the shifters in our village did.

'So you're a static?' He wondered. I just nodded. 'That's cool.' And that was the end of it.

We never really discussed my status in the community. He just seemed to know that it was a sore topic with me, and stayed away from it.

We reached the parking clearing a few moments later and I immediately went to the trunk of my dad's SUV, opening it and folding back the seats so I had room to relax and stretch my legs.

"I see you brought your guitar. Plan to seranade the forest?" He asked in that familiar and sarcastic tone of his, shoving at one of my legs so that he could push himself into the car across from me.

"Why yes Drake, you can come in." He rolled his eyes at me.

"Thanks." Was his reply as he reached for my guitar case.

"Shouldn't you be back at the festival, on guard duty or something?" I asked, curious as to why he was following me when all the fun was a few miles east.

"Shouldn't you be back at the festival, mingling or something?" Was his only response.

I guess we were both out here to get away then.

I watched Drake pull the guitar from it's cased confines and lay it across his lap, his fingers finding an A-chord and strumming out a familiar tune.

It was dark by now, but the light from the moon and from the center console kept the rear cabin pretty well lit.

I leaned myself back against the wall, letting my head rest against the cool glass of the window.

I hummed the tune as he played, both of us content in the silence.

Drake was… well he was definitely easy on the eyes. As is true for most of the male shifters. His hair was black as pitch, shaggy and all over the place falling just beyond the brim of his ears. And his eyes were the color of the sky just before dawn; the lightest shade of blue possible. It was almost eerie how bright they were.

And of course he was well built, strong and tall. At least a head taller than myself.

And, if I had been a shifter, if I had still had the possibility of a 'mate', Drake would have probably been my first choice.

But I didn't. So I took times like these, quiet, silent times that were dotted periodically with the sounds of plucked or strummed chords to observe him. To picture, to wonder what my life could have been.

_A/N: Alrighty, I'm officially a high-school graduate! Woot! And that means I have more time to write so I have decided to make Friday's my update day for Chance. Expect the updates to be in the evening, not early in the morning, sorry, I like sleeping too much :P. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Please tell me what you think!_


	4. Life

~**Chapter Three**~

_Tick. Tock_. _Tick. Tock. _

I watched, mindlessly, the big hand clicked and clacked along side the minute hand as it speedily traveled in its counter-clock wise fashion about the wooden circle. The smaller hand making its way at a more leisurely pace.

Clocks. Or in this case, clock. As in singular. A singular clock made of wood, wood that most likely once belonged to a fallen oak or pine from this very forest. A singular wooden clock that the students at Tarrant High probably fashioned in a woodshop or home-ec class or something.

Yup. Clocks. They were fascinating. Especially at times like these when it's nine o'clock in the morning on a Wednesday and you're at work.

Yup. You heard me right. _Work._

Apparently living in the middle of nowhere doesn't prevent one from the horrors that is a summer job.

I was a secretary. Which makes the idea of it all _so_ much more interesting. I rolled my eyes at my inner sarcasm.

Being a secretary meant nothing…usually. In fact, one would probably find the job to be an easy one. Answer phones, type e-mails, fill coffee cups, and sit behind a desk in the central part of a stuffy office space.

An office space with faded blue wallpaper and ugly gray industrial carpeting that was pulling from the floor at various points throughout the vicinity.

Yeah. That was the stereotypical description of a desk-job. Secretary, receptionist…whatever you wanted to call it, whatever you wanted to call _me_.

My job should have been that simple.

But, alas, I live in Tarrant. And nothing in Tarrant is ever simple, or easy, or predictable. Just ask it's shifting inhabitants.

And another alas to the fact that I was the 'secretary' for Tarrant Tours. Slogan: 'Got Guides?'

Yea. I think it's stupid too.

But that's what Tarrant is all about, pathetic attempts to appear normal. And apparently it works because it keeps the statics happy and oblivious. Go us.

And, of course, statics weren't hired for the job. No, all the kids in Tarrant knew that being a tour guide for Tarrant Tours was a highly coveted, and highly unavailable job.

What I mean by 'unavailable' is simply this. Tarrant Tours doesn't care if you have a 4.0 GPA or if you have a recommendation from the governor or hell, the President. Nope, unless you can magically go from two legs to four in the matter of seconds, Tarrant Tours is not the place for you.

And the office…well… I don't have one. Our headquarters is technically at Wolford, but since bringing the statics to Wolford would be completely counter productive, due to the fact that our whole purpose is to remain a secret society, we invite our guests to meet in 'The Square'.

'The Square' being a large patch of land whose location resides at the entrance to several of our most popular trails.

'The Square' being the current location of one wooden clock that leant against one of the wooden trail markers.

And no, in case you were wondering, I don't have a desk. My job is operating one of the three company cell phones. One of which sits atop the desk of Elder Wilde at his central office in Wolford. (Line Alpha, as the employees refer to it.) Line Alpha is used only for cases of extreme or dire emergency, which means don't press speed dial number 2 unless you are dismembered or dying.

The second company cell phone, Line Beta, resides in the cargo shorts pocket of one Lucas Wilde. Our faithful leader. Line Beta is used often, but only by the Guardians mostly. I only ever contact line Beta in cases of missing shifters or misplaced campers. Which, thankfully, doesn't occur very often.

And finally there is my line. Which…doesn't really have a fun name like Beta or Alpha.

Sad face.

However, my phone is contacted the most, it makes me feel social. It's the main company line, so if you want to book a vacation or a tour I'm the girl on the receiving end of said call. I book tours, I help to assign employees to specific groups, and… I basically follow Lucas around.

Apart form the company cell-phones, which are minimal in amount and use, each employee of Tarrant Tours is supplied with a Walkie Talkie, color coded based on group leaders, upon being hired.

Lucas, Rafe, and Connor are top three in rank, so more often than not they act as group leaders. And each has a respective color to their group.

So, at the beginning of each month, I assign a specific color to a specific employee and said employee serves as a member of team (insert a color here) for the remainder of that month.

This week, seeing as it was the beginning of the summer season had a fairly light schedule. Connor, Team Blue, was taking a group of four hikers and three employees into the forest for a Two Day excursion. Rafe wasn't assigned to a group of his own this week, therefore, three members of his team were asked to partner with Lucas' and the remaining three were placed on patrol duty at Wolford. (Probably the most boring off all the tasks.) Which left Lucas, Team Red, to take out the larger group for the week. A group of about seven Frat boys from a university somewhere in Oregon have decided to grace us with their presence this fine week.

I remember booking this particular client. It was a fairly big group so I was excited at the prospect of making some revenue out of the deal, but having to participate in a conversation with that boy, whatever his name was, was almost painful. I believe he requested only female tour guides, which of course sat _so_ well with Lucas, and that he also mentioned something about Frat initiation. Sigma Pi Delta Beta my ass. I rolled my eyes at his cocky tone and promptly ended that conversation.

And now I stood beside Lucas and listened in as the boy, I glanced down at my sheet, Kyle, complained about the rules of our company and the minimal amount of female tour guides accompanying their group.

"I specifically requested to the lady," Kyle pointed a pale finger in my direction. "That our group would appreciate the assistance of your female employees during our excursion."

I raised an eyebrow at his statement, resisting the urge to snort and watched, in a rather amused fashion, as Lucas's jaw tightened.

"I'm afraid we couldn't meet your _request_, as our tour guides had been assigned to specific groups prior to your reservation." I admired Lucas for playing it cool, but I knew that this Kyle guy wasn't gonna be going anywhere if he kept antagonizing wolf-boy.

"What about her?" Kyle turned his gaze back to me, his dark brown eyes roaming the front of my shirt. I quickly moved my clipboard up under my chin, sneering at him.

_Asshole. _

"She's not a guide." Came Lucas' curt reply. _Thanks for the reminder boss-man._

Yea, that's the other thing. I may still be a 'part of the pack' as the elders and guardians often remind me, but apparently I didn't "qualify" for the position of tour guide. To say I was peeved at that sentiment would be a bit of an understatement, but my arguments fell on deaf ears and so I was designated receptionist. Desk-less, office-less, chair-less…receptionist.

"What about the blond over there," He pointed in Lindsey's direction. "Or the red head," And then he pointed in Kayla's direction.

This time the snort couldn't be held back. Lucas gave me a chastising glare, but we both knew it was half-hearted.

"Lindsey and Kayla will be joining us." Kyle's face seemed to perk up upon hearing Lucas' words.

"But, if you don't want to end up on the cover of next weeks daily-gazette as the camping group that 'mysteriously disappeared' I suggest you and your friends keep your hands to yourselves."

It was extremely difficult to keep myself from laughing, although I really wanted to. Boys were so territorial, … so amusing.

And that look! Oh the lovely set about Kyle's face, all disgruntled and nervous-like, it was truly a picture. I had to excuse myself for a moment.

It was nearing mid-morning which meant time for the group to round up and head out. I was joining along for the first few miles, just to make sure everyone gets settled, but I won't stay with the group for long unless Lucas requests my presence.

_Highly doubtful. _

"Five minutes people." I spoke to the group of scattered clients and employees as I pulled another list from my clipboard. 'Roll Call' time.

I check marked that there were, in-fact, seven clients present, in all their tipsy tourist glory, before moving on to shifters.

Including Lucas and Rafe a total of six guides would be issued for this particular excursion.

I checked off Lucas as here, looking around the group and finding Rafe speaking to Lindsey in the far corner of 'The Square.' I sighed before checking both their names from the list.

Kayla…here. Austin…wait…Austin? Austin was coming? Shit that meant… I looked back up, searching the area until my eyes locked with their chocolate counterparts. Lily. I didn't know she was taking this group out…

Well at least it was only for the first few miles.

0~0~0~0~0

It wasn't for the first few miles. Or it was…until the torrential downpour headed in unexpectedly and I got the order from the boss-man to stick with the group. Good thing I thought to pack my bag this morning, even if it's only with a change of clothes and a protein bar.

I didn't have enough supplies to last the rest of the trip without wearing the same clothes for days on end…not something I was willing to do.

I knew there was a chance for rain, but I think Tarrant needs a new meteorologist. This isn't exactly 'drizzly'.

Way to go Rob from channel 8.

I caught up with Lucas once we stopped in a nearby clearing, the guys working to pitch tents in an attempt to get us out of the rain.

"Umm…Lucas. Do you think I could head back in the morning if the weather lets up?" Lucas looked at me for a moment, than looked back at the sky…the black sky…before turning back to me.

"It's gonna be muddy tomorrow, and it's eight miles or so…you'd better just stick with us, Logan."

I watched him bend down and stab one of the tent ends into the moist earth.

"Well, Lucas, I didn't exactly…pack for a week excursion in the Forest." I huffed, annoyed with him. He gave me an incredulous look.

"Then just share with someone, your sister is out here." Now I gave _him_ an incredulous look. The mutual dislike I possessed for my sister and she for me wasn't a secret. As our leader he should be aware of such a fact. It was obvious. And if he was in fact, not up to date, I seriously doubt his capability as head wolf-man.

Lucas gave me a look and then dropped his gaze.

"Alright, forget that I asked." He relented.

I stood there awkwardly for a few more moments, attempting to tap my foot in the sticky dirt, but failing miserably while my mind raced to figure out a solution.

At this point I knew my options were limited. Asking Lucas or one of the other guides was out of the question, the group had stuff to carry and every set of hands were important. I could sneak away from camp tonight…but I'd probably get caught…and then fired.

I sighed, turning my dejected face back to Lucas'. _Please…._

"Alright, here's the thing. I'm not letting you walk back on your own. Too dangerous especially after the storms, and by the end of tomorrow, if the rain has let up and it's back to normal, we'll already have doubled our distance. It will be too far to be considered a simple day-trek." I huffed, balling my fists at my sides.

"Go on." I spoke.

"However," He paused, looking around us for a moment before speaking to me again.

"We'll be a few miles out from Wolford by mid-day tomorrow. I could get one of the guards on patrol to escort you back to the village. You can stay there until we're on our way back. Your parents have rooms there, you'll be fine." He shrugged, thinking this was the most brilliant idea.

And I … had to admit, that it sounded more appealing than living in my own sweat and grime for the next seven days. Not to mention staying in close proximity with one Lily Dawes.

A week at Wolford… didn't sound so horrible.

0~0~0~0~0

But of course, my worries concerning Wolford were pushed to the back burner the second I realized that the girls would be sharing a tent together..._all_ the girls. Which meant, for the first time in seven years or so, I was sharing a 'room' with Lily.

And, of course, I hadn't packed a sleeping bag. Thank god I had packed one of my favorite sweaters. It was huge on me, and would work for a blanket. I could just kick off my boots and sleep in the clothes I had on now. Sure, it was a bit gross, but I had to work with what was available.

Of course, Kayla had to say something to me.

"Logan...are you sure you don't want to borrow some sleep pants? I have extra pajamas." She had insisted. I gave her a forced smile, politely shaking my head. I wanted to say something along the lines of 'mind your own business' or 'back off', but I also wanted to keep my job. And if Lucas found out I had been rude to Kayla, his mate, I would have been fired the next day, or, at the very least, told off. Neither of which I wanted to deal with at present.

"I'm fine, Kayla, really." I responded. Laying my head against the back pack I had carried throughout the day, I would use it as a makeshift pillow for tonight, and wrapping the four-sizes-too-big sweater around my body before closing my eyes in an attempt to pass out and forget the other inhabitants of the tent.

And it had worked, until it came time to switch for night shifts. It was part of the job description. Nigh shifts weren't really necessary, but shifters are naturally paranoid so I guess it makes sense on some level. In pairs, two guides will take turns watching over the camp after dark, for about two hours or so, before the next pair takes their place. Lindsey had obviously been in the first set tonight as she came stumbling into the tent just a moment or so ago.

I closed my eyes, pretending to sleep, not wanting to be acknowledged. Somewhere off in the distance I heard another tent open and footsteps approach our tent. I stiffened hoping one of the college students weren't coming to mess with us. But it was just Austin who stuck his head in and called Kayla out for their shift.

It was made a rule that one wasn't allowed to take shifts with one's mate. It was considered a distraction, and could potentially 'hinder' one's abilities to focus. I laughed inwardly at the thought.

I heard Lily breath a near silent 'goodbye' as Austin left the tent with Kayla in tow, and then heard her saddened sigh once the tent door was once more zipped and sealed.

My brain registered the sounds of a sleeping bag being opened and hiking boots being kicked off. Lindsey was settling in for the night.

"Anything exciting out there?" I heard Lily whisper, addressing Lindsey. This time I sighed, inwardly of course, not wanting to alert them to the fact that I was awake. I was not in the mood for girl-talk at the moment and Lily's obvious attempt at chitchat was going to annoy me. I hoped Lindsey would just give her a quick response and then end the conversation. I wanted to go back to sleep.

"Not really, it's pretty quiet out there." I heard Lily's responding 'mm hmm'.

Then I heard more rustling, and peaking one eye open, noticed Lindsey scoot her sleeping bag closer to Lily's.

_And commence the girl talk._

"But, I did notice the moon. It's only in its first waning stage but it was prettily peaking through the left over rain clouds. I'm so excited for you, only a few weeks off, right?"

I _really_ didn't want to remain witness to this conversation. I squeezed my eyes shut, as if that would will my tense body back into the emotionless black that is slumber.

"Yea, but I'm kinda nervous too." Lily spoke, her sentiment finished with a soft, nervous giggle. I rolled my eyes.

"You'll be fine, and you have Austin. He's so nice, and he's so handsome." Lindsey teased her, both girls giggling this time. I brought my knees up to my chest, curling the sweater more tightly around my torso. Seeking its cotton protection.

"He's great, I really love him. He's taking me to the waterfall." I heard Lindsey's sigh of approval. The waterfall was one of our many strategically placed lairs out here in the forest. It was tradition in our society for the female who is transforming to bring her mate to one of said lairs on the night of said transformation. The waterfall lair was one of the more secluded and definitely one of the more romantic lairs, making it a popular choice.

"You're going to be so happy. You'll never forget that night." I cringed at her words. Lily may never forget her night... I'm never going to _have_ that night.

The conversation died down a bit after that, Lindsey rolled back over to her side of the tent. But I remained awake. I couldn't sleep. I was upset, mad at the rain for forcing me to stay. Mad at myself for not being able to fall asleep. Mad at Lindsey for bringing up such a topic knowing I was in the tent, even if she thought I was sleeping, she should have had the decency to avoid such a conversation. But most of all I was angry at the world, with this forest, with my parents, with my life. It was at times like these when I wished most that I had never been exposed to such a society. That, I had only been exposed to a static way of life. That I could remain happily oblivious to the transforming and the magic.

I felt the tears slip past my weak eyes.

Sometime later I heard Kayla come in, and Lily go out. But I was too far-gone, too emotionally spent to notice if Lindsey and Kayla talked about anything. Too emotionally spent to wonder at what time it was, too emotionally spent to worry about tomorrow, too emotionally spent to worry about spending an extended period of time at Wolford.

So I just closed my eyes, and when sleep didn't come, I cried some more.

0~0~0~0~0

I don't know how long I lay there awake, staring into the green polyester of the tent walls. The sun was up, this much I knew. I suspected that I should be getting up some time soon, but I couldn't will myself to move.

My back hurt, my knees hurt, I was cold, and my eyes felt dry and swollen from all of my self-pity. I was pretty disgusted with myself. I usually saved my more emotional breakdowns or pathetic self-evaluations for the privacy of my room. Or the privacy of the attic, where the only witnesses were blank sheets of music and a wooden guitar.

I rolled onto my back, bringing both of my hands to my face and rubbing at my eyes and my cheeks. I didn't need anyone else seeing my red cheeks and puffy eyes and feeling sorry for me. I felt sorry enough for myself.

"Good morning, Logan." Came Kayla's familiar voice. I heard her unzip her sleeping bag and watched as she stretched her freckled arms above her head. I gave her a polite nod. My throat felt dry and my voice was probably shot to hell. I threw the sweater away from me, and moved to open my bag. I found my extra set of clothes and quickly changed before shoving the rest of my belongings into the bottom of my bag and shoving my feet back into my hiking boots.

"Are you going to be with us the whole trip or is Lucas letting you hike back?" Kayla wondered, running a brush through her hair.

By this time Lindsey had begun to stir. Lily wasn't in the tent, and I wondered if she had gotten an early start. She was probably outside helping pack stuff up.

"No, I'm going to stay at Wolford for the week and hike back with you guys Tuesday night." She paused in her grooming activities and raised a single auburn brow at me.

"Wolford? How are you getting there? It's in a different direction than we are taking the group." I nodded, moving to stand and shouldering my bag so that it hung off my back.

I shrugged. "Lucas said he'd get one of the guys on patrol to come escort me there. I know my way, but well it's Lucas." Kayla breathed a giggle. Yea, she knew Lucas.

"Sounds like him." I nodded once more, standing there for one more awkward moment before unzipping the entrance flap and making my way to the center of the clearing where a few other guides were sitting drinking what I assumed was coffee. I needed some coffee if I was going to be able to hike to Wolford today.

"Please tell me that's not decaf." I commented plopping myself down on a log across from Rafe. He shook his head with a smirk and poured me a cup. I smiled gratefully, bringing the burning liquid to my lips and drinking deeply.

Mmm. Yea, I needed that. I took another sip before surveying the rest of the campground. It seemed that we'd be heading out pretty soon. The girl's tent was the last one up and was currently being deconstructed by Kayla and Lindsey with the help of Austin. The college students were all huddled together at the edge of the forest complaining about something or other, probably the fact that it was...I looked at my wrist-watch...half past six in the AM.

_Welcome to Tarrant boys._

I did feel slightly bad for them, they probably didn't realize that this type of a trip didn't include hours of time to sleep in. And the location we were hiking too was far enough away that we would need to use all the available daylight hours to make it there in the next two days.

The group had chosen a pretty popular spot among our clientele. It was a low valley situated against one of the forests many ponds. A good spot for fishing. It had a few marked trails around it as well for day hiking.

I took another sip from my coffee. Lucas had shown up by now and was situated on the log next to Rafe. I watched him pick up a cup and fill it with coffee.

"So, everyone sleep okay?" I wondered aloud.

"Sure." Was Lucas' response. Rafe just nodded. Alrighty...not much for chitchat.

I really just wanted to know what time I was being 'picked up' and by whom. "So what time do I depart?" I asked quietly, knowing he would hear me with his super wolf senses and making sure that the college students were far enough away not to catch the gist of our conversation.

"We will have hopefully reached the river by noon, that's where I asked him to meet us. You'll be back in the village by dusk." I nodded, wanting to know whom this 'him' was.

"So who is taking me?" I asked, faining nonchalance was I brought the mug back to my lips.

"Drake."

0~0~0~0~0

_A/N: Hope you guys liked it! Just a reminder that I'll be updating this story every Friday! See you next week :) ~Lauren_


	5. Hike

~**Chapter Four**~

The rest of the morning was pleasant, more than pleasant actually. As unbelievable as it may sound, I was actually able to change my facial expression from a constant scowl of aloof indifference to a genuine smirk of anticipation.

It also helped that we were less than two miles from the river, and by extension less than two miles from where I would meet up with Drake.

I shifted the weight of my back pack over to my left shoulder, thanking whatever higher power there may be that I might actually have a good afternoon hike.

I had been worried, and rightfully so, about getting stuck with one of the recent novices turned guardians. They, more often than not, were too professional for the own damn good. As if they had something to prove for being newly instated into the circle of shifter protectors.

I don't think they realized that you had to commit some pretty heavy crimes to get that title ripped out from under you.

Yea, a hike back to the village with a newbie would have been silent and most likely awkward. Besides I didn't bring any Tylenol with me, which would have left me with one bitch of a headache from all the eye rolling that would have inevitably ensued in response to their seriousness.

I laughed a bit, under my breath at that thought.

But, thankfully, I wouldn't have to deal with that crap. Drake wasn't a newbie, nor was he overly serious when it came to guard duty.

Or in this case escort duty.

And besides having an unnaturally comfortable essence about him, Drake knew me well enough to stay away from certain subjects. Which was good, more than good, which was fantastic. Not having to embark in discussions of overrated subjects such as family or obvious absence of shifter DNA.

He also almost always carries a bar of chocolate in his pack, and that was probably the reason I was most anxious to get to the river. I needed my chocolate fix. Pronto.

We were getting closer now; I was just beginning to hear the bubbling rapids of the river. I bounced a bit in excitement, not even bothering to roll my eyes at the action even though an eye-roll was would be a wholeheartedly appropriate response, especially coming from my book.

I felt my Walkie Talkie vibrate against my thigh, the small green bulb against its side signaling a call. I rolled my finger against the volume wheel, hearing Lucas' voice crackle as it came through the overused speakers. Tarrant Tours really needed to invest in some better communicative equipment.

I popped the talkie out of its carrying case bringing the black box to my lips.

"Logan to Boss-man, over." Of course this stereotypical form of communication wasn't required, I just liked to have my fun.

"Half a mile to the east, you can take the trail coming up on your left to the river." I raked my gaze over the foliage to my left spotting the entrance to said trail.

"Understood, Hey Boss-man, you do realize I'm standing less than two yards behind you, correct?" I smirked as he turned to glare at me.

"Sure, sure. I'm just letting you have your fun kid. See you later; I'll call you when we're on our way back. Have Drake or whoever on duty bring you to the river." I nodded.

"Affirmative, cap-i-tan. This static is over and out." I heard his raspy laugh as he pointed a tanned arm toward the opening to the trail. And with a polite 'Adios kids.' I was gone.

0~0~0~0~0

The river wasn't anything special. Not overly huge, but not small by any means. It took quite the effort and skill to cross that thing; even shifters had difficulty sometimes what with the rapids moving in fast and unpredictable intervals. Add to the equation some particular spots where undercurrents were almost impossible to deter. Which is why I was glad I could remain on the East side.

I was making good time, only five or six minutes until I would reach the banks. I trotted my excited form at a smooth pace, taking longer strides in an effort to reach my destination faster.

I could hear the rapids crash even from here, or maybe it was wishful thinking, my mind playing tricks on me.

It was said that, in the weeks prior to ones first transformation, senses became heightened. Not considerably, but noticeably so. It wasn't until after the first shift that your senses were heightened to an extreme degree, seeing, hearing, and scenting everything as a wolf or wild animal would.

I sighed, inhaling deeply so as to procure at least a smidgen of the fresh, cool scent of the water I knew resided within minute's distance. Not close enough just yet.

The trees grew denser as I neared the water's edge, and within moments the east banks came into view, rapids frosted with bubbly foam danced in even succession across the surface and I sighed, smiling at the waves as they crashed against the parameter.

I was alone, at least as far as I could tell. I took a quick moment to rake my gaze over the lower and than the taller branches of the tress, wondering if he would be perched in their confines much like our last encounter, but I found no boy.

_What if he isn't in human form?_ _... Oh, if he's trying to sneak up on me I'll kick his ass._

I looked once more, shrugging when I once again came up empty. Oh well.

I dropped myself down onto a fallen log, close enough to the water's edge that if I wanted to I could simply extend my leg and point my toe in order to test the temperature. Not that going swimming was high up on my list of things to do today.

I dropped my bad off my shoulders, but before I could hear the plop of it's bulky frame settling in the dirt, it was picked up. I watched the familiar smooth arm extend and then retract as my bag was swung carelessly across his back.

"Let's go." He stated simply, turning his back from me, his long strides taking him further and further from the water's edge to the near tree line.

"Uh...okay." Someone was in a bit of a hurry. I stood myself up from the log, stepping over it carefully so as not to trip, and jogged a bit to catch up to him.

"Jeez what's the rush Forest?" I questioned once I was a few feet behind him. Smirking at the movie reference, and hoping that he would get it. _It was fairly obvious._

"Looked at the sky lately, Lo?" Was his only response, turning his hard jaw line upwards toward the dark clouds.

"It's been like that since yesterday afternoon." I commented, turning my attention back to the trail. I knew the way fairly well and would have been fine going off on my own, but having him there was a comfort. I would know I was at least somewhat safer if we happened to cross paths with a cougar or a bear.

I shuttered a little at the imagery.

"And since when do you refer to me as 'Lo'?" He turned to me then, his black locks darkened from the light drizzle stuck to his forehead and cheeks in a disorderly fashion. His pale blue eyes seemed almost gray in the dull light. He smirked at my curious form.

"Since now." Was his response.

"Well,... alright then." He laughed, quietly, but whole-heartedly. It was genuine and it made me want to smile in return. So I did.

Conversation was null and void for the first part of our journey. Drake had mentioned that the hike would be about fifteen or so miles and that we could take a break and rest before night fall and that he would run the rest of the way if I wasn't feeling up to walking.

I had never seen Drake in his other form, well, I mean not up close at least. I know what he looks like, because our shifter forms, more often than not, have similar traits like hair and color, eye color, and size. And this is true for Drake, he is of medium build, but longer and leaner than most of the other guardians because he is naturally tall in his human form. His eyes are the same, eerie, pale shade of blue that always freak me out, in a good way of course. And his fur, although the thought of Drake having fur felt unnatural for me to even process, was the color of midnight. Pitch black in its essence, just like his mop of unruly hair.

And I knew that by 'run' Drake didn't mean on two feet.

We reached a small creek about halfway through the journey. We were making good progress and good time. I was tired, from the lack of sleep no doubt, but I knew that I could trek the next seven or so miles on foot. I didn't want to have Drake resort to traveling in his wolf form. Traveling in such a fashion would mean him doing all the work well I sat atop his back.

The mere idea made me seem lazy, especially having him do all the work. Besides, even though we would make much better time if he were running being away from Wolford that much longer made the prospect of walking all the more enlightening.

I plopped myself down on a rock near the flowing water, dipping my fingers into its cool confines and bringing the liquid to my cheeks. I rubbed my arms and my face. It wasn't a shower, but it was the best I could do until we arrived back at the village.

After a few silent moments, I heard Drake plop down on the ground near by. Out of the corner of my eye I watched him cup his hands into the stream and bring the little pool of water back to his mouth. He sipped deeply from his makeshift cup before once more dipping his hands back into the stream.

"So," I whispered, almost to myself, wanting to fill the silence.

"So," He repeated, tilting his face toward me. He gave me a polite smile.

"So...I wish I had my guitar out here." I offered, filling the silence that had settled between us.

"Yea, although having to lug it to Wolford would be a drag." I nodded, agreeing.

"You never go anywhere without that thing." He observed, picking at a few pebbles with the toe of his boot.

"Yea, I guess I don't. Music is... it's numbing. It just makes the rest of the world go away." I whispered. No truer words were spoken, in regards to myself at least.

"Numbing?" His tone was thoughtful, yet curious at the same time. "That's one way to put it, I guess." He shrugged, leaning his palms back into the mossy ground behind him.

"But, what exactly are you numbing yourself from?" He wondered, tilting his head toward the pink sky.

I shrugged at his comment, copying his comfortable pose. "Stuff."

"Stuff?" He echoed.

I sighed. "I don't know, just stuff..._static _stuff. And all that jazz." He nodded, smirking at my tone, I suppose.

"Ah." Was his only verbal response. He stood up then, wiping his palms on his cargos before extending a hand behind him and pointing back at the trail.

I nodded at the gesture, watching as he picked up my bag and slung it back over his shoulder. I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to carry my stuff, but I also knew that even if I pushed it he wouldn't give it back, he might as well have put it up for ransom.

We walked on, both of us quiet, in his case contemplative, or it seemed to be so. And in my case...well, just quiet. My mind was oddly blank, my thoughts so scattered it was as if they formed one dark, all encompassing blur of noise and pictures and words.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets when it started to rain a bit harder, attempting to keep my damn teeth from chattering.

Drake didn't seem to be at all affected. But I watched him as he swung my bag around to his front, my eyes narrowing as he opened up my bag.

"What are yo-" But my question was cut off when he pulled my over sized sweater out of its confines. "You look cold." He remarked, nodding toward my pocketed hands.

"Thanks." I whispered gratefully, holding my palms up in the universal signal for 'throw it' and caught it easily when he recognized the sign and did just that.

0~0~0~0~0

"Only a few miles from here now." I smiled in gratefully acceptance that a warm bed and a hot shower were only an hour or so hike from where we were.

"Thank god." I breathed, directing the sentiment to myself, but I heard him chuckle a bit at my words. I narrowed my eyes at him, extending and arm and swatting his shoulder with my open palm.

"Hey, not everyone can walk all day and not get tired." I pointed out, to which he just shrugged.

"If you're that tired I can just carry you the rest of the way, we'd be back in half the time." I shook my head, almost entirely too tempted to accept, but cautious of being so close to him. Drake and I were friends, of course, or that's the title I had bestowed upon him these past few months. I knew he reciprocated some of those feelings and hopefully that title mutually. I mean, we hung out on a pretty regular basis. Or, at least, whenever the opportunity arose.

I knew Drake in some way. More than the average student at Tarrant High would. And although our relationship wasn't one that called for much conversation, or, at least, deep meaningful conversation, I still think we harbored some type of connection through the common interest that established us as friends in the first place, music.

I had spent hours upon hours with him just strumming out to my guitar or listening to him tune and play his violin. He was cool, calm, and the conversation's we did have never left something to be desired. I felt comfortable with him, in a way that I knew I could talk to him about anything, or rant to him about stupid things just to waste time.

He knew me well enough to know how to make me laugh. He knew me well enough to know what topics I don't want to discuss, or what things I don't want to think about.

Running with him, well him running and me ridding, seemed to be too personal in a way. I didn't know if I could let myself get too close, knowing I wanted to, but also realizing I didn't have a chance in hell with him where romance was involved. And, if I was being honest with myself, romance is exactly the kind of direction I could see our relationship going. I wanted it to go that way.

But he was a shifter, and I was a static. And as much as I wanted to believe that I could have the same fate as my mother and father, I knew that their situation was one of absolute rarity. I knew that I could never have a relationship with a shifter, or...anyone for that matter. I would have to leave my life and all my knowledge about said life if I were ever to have that sort of relationship with a human. I would have to give up a part of myself that I long for and that I hold on to so dearly because it's all I have. Knowledge is all I have left of my shifter reality. I can't participate in the shifting or the transforming or be a part of 'the pack' in the physical sense of the word, but I always held onto and hope I always will hold on to the mental and emotional aspects that this life entails.

And with this realization, of a fate so hopelessly lonesome, I come to accept that I will have to endure and be grateful for the things and the privileges I posses currently.

"I'll survive." I assured him, picking up the pace. _I'll survive, or at least, I hope I will._

0~0~0~0~0

We arrived at the gates at around eleven thirty PM. It was dark, as shit and I couldn't see a damn thing so Drake had to all but carry me over the grounds.

"Jeez it's dark." I complained, looking to the sky in search of the moon for at least some light, but the dark clouds were persistent in their conquest to ruin my week. First by preventing my return trip home, and now by making me fear for my own safety. I lifted my hand in front of my face, but could barely make out the five distinct shapes that were fingers.

"Well, most of us don't really need the light. Besides, grounds close at eleven for everyone who isn't on guard duty." He had a point, he could probably see perfectly right now. It made me unnecessarily and insanely jealous.

"I'll take you in through the back." He stated, placing one of his warm hands against the small of my back in and effort to better guide me in the right direction. I stiffened at the surprising gesture nonetheless, whispering a quick apology, which he immediately shrugged off.

I watched him punch in his key code at the door, pulling back the solid, wooden frame and holding it open for me to walk in. I gave him an approving smile at the chivalrous gesture, walking into the back foyer.

"I have to go, but it was nice walking with you." I heard him speak, his voice closer than I expected. I turned around, smiling awkwardly and returning the sentiment.

"Yea, thanks for 'escorting' me or whatever the boss-man calls it." He laughed a bit at that.

"Sure thing. I'll see you around this week, maybe? I'm here for as long as they need me around." I nodded, happy that he wanted to spend some more time with me.

"Yea, of course." I responded, moving to turn and walk back toward the staircase. My parent's rooms were on the second floor and I really needed a head to toe scrub down before I crashed.

"Hey, Logan, if you want to borrow my guitar I keep it in the music hall." I think my entire face lit up at his words. Dude had himself a _nice_ guitar that I have only had the privilege of plucking at maybe once or twice before.

"Yea, that would be awesome! Thank you! Seriously, I thought I would be bored out of my mind this week." He shrugged as if it were no big deal. I knew how attached he was to that thing, letting me borrow it was an immense indication of trust.

"No problem, well, I'm gonna go, duty calls." I nodded, watching him disappear through the wooden archway as the heavy door shut behind him.

0~0~0~0~0

_A/N: Hi people! Bet you weren't expecting an update today! Well if you haven't gone to my profile recently, you wouldn't have known that I added another update day to Chance. I will now be posting new chapters on Wednesdays and Fridays every week! Hope you guys are excited and that you liked this chapter._

_~Lauren_


	6. Wolford

~**Chapter Five**~

I don't remember much following Drake's departure. Only recalling bits and pieces.

The dark, shadow stalked hallways of the normally red-colored brick, bathed in shades of gray and black from the absence of sunlight. The quiet echo of sneakers against stone as I climbed the winding staircase. The silent click of a lock that has been met by its key shaped companion. The soft plush of carpet against bare feet. The cool feel of air against skin as overused clothes were shed. The constant pounding of scalding water against soiled flesh as I rinsed away any evidence of my two-day journey. The enveloping calm that only comes from resting ones head on a pillow. The familiar blackness that is otherwise known as sleep. Hearing, for a time, the inhale and exhale of air entering and exiting lungs.

The orange intrusion of sunlight over closed eyelids. And then, I was awake.

Blinking the sleep from my eyelids, brushing fallen stands of blond from their resting place on my forehead, sighing, and finally turning my unfocused gaze toward the bedside alarm clock.

Noon.

I smirked to myself. I hadn't slept past ten in what felt like weeks but was really no more than three days. I turned my lethargic form over, moving to rest flat on my back and bringing my hands to my eyes, rubbing them out of habit.

I stretched my tall form, reaching hands overhead and pointing feet towards the opposite wall. I felt the soreness in my legs from all the hiking, the feeling a dull but achy burn.

I sighed once more.

_Time to get up, Logan. _I thought to myself. But I remained unmoving.

Blame it on my newly awakened state of being or my general lazy tendencies, whatever you called it I wasn't moving anytime soon. I had a lot of think about, a lot to ponder. For example, what exactly was I going to do this week? Lucas wasn't due back for at least four or five days. I had a lot of time on my hands and not a clue as to how exactly I could pass the time.

I suppose I could spend some time in the music hall. Drake, after all, had offered me the generous option of using his guitar. However, I didn't know if that was an open invitation or if he would want to be there when I did use it as a sort of supervision technique. I suppose I could walk the grounds, there were a few trails around Wolford itself. But even the though of hiking through the woods made my legs burn in protest.

The movie hall was always an option, not a lot of forced socialization there. If for nothing else than for the simple fact that most obliged to the 'No Talking' law that is true for most theatrical establishments.

For all intents and purposes this week was like an impromptu vacation for me, and I was happy and willing to use my free time to my full advantage. Which meant, first and foremost, at least twelve to fourteen hours of sleep every night.

I yawned; deciding now was as good a time as any to explore the apartment like quarters that I would call my home for the next few days. I tossed the white down comforter to the side, freeing my legs of it's warm confines and, after twisting my feet to dangle from the bedside, made to stand up.

The black sleep pants and 'Rock and Roll' T-shirt that I had found in one of the dressers last night were comfortable, albeit slightly wrinkled from my zombie like sleep. I would probably wear them for the rest of the day, knowing I didn't really have anyone to impress during my stay. Which meant I would be forgoing all attempts at make up application unless absolutely necessary.

I racked a hand through my pin-straight, thin as paper highlighted strands, blowing an unnecessary breath of air from my lips as I crossed the room to the adjoining bathroom.

Once I reached the sink I wasted no time in assessing my appearance. _All right Logan, are you at least somewhat presentable to brave the lunch crowd? _I wondered, staring begrudgingly at my tired expression. I wrinkled my nose and blinked my eyes a few times, turning my face from left to right, watching my reflection as it followed my every minuscule movement. I noticed the dark circles under my eyes were the most prominent problem and that my nose was slightly sun burnt from yesterday's excursion. I also noticed the jagged red lines across my forehead and how they dripped and dragged in an awkward pattern along my right cheek, realizing after a moment or two that they were most likely indents from my pillow. I rubbed my fingers across them in a vain attempt to rid my complexion of their unwelcome presence.

"Go away." I scolded, as if my warnings would have any impact on the current state of my indented skin. I huffed; resigning myself to waiting until they lessened in intensity and eventually disappeared entirely.

In the meantime, I rummaged through the few drawers and the cabinet behind the mirror for an unused toothbrush and some toothpaste. Once having found said items, I immediately doused the brush in water and squirted a sufficient amount of minty paste across it's bleach and blue bristles before ridding my mouth of morning breath and unwanted plaque.

I spit into the sink basin, rinsing my mouth out with some Listerine, wincing as each swish and gurgle left the burning sensation that only dental alcohol can inflict.

After careful inspection of my pearly white in-censors and the admiration of one-too-many cheesy smiles on my part, I grabbed a washcloth out of the bathroom's pantry and, after twisting the hot water knob, proceeded to wash my face of a night's worth of grime.

I made sure to turn off all the lights before I left the room, not knowing when I would be returning and not wanting to waste any unnecessary electricity. Going green is good. At least that's what mom says.

I closed and locked the main door behind me, sticking my key into one of the pockets on my pants and making my way toward and down the main staircase.

0~0~0~0

The cafeteria was crowded as it was now about twelve thirty or, in other words, lunchtime. I was slightly bummed when I got in line and realized my bacon craving would not be satisfied as breakfast had stopped being served over and hour ago. _Note to self: wake up earlier! _I grabbed a pale blue tray and some sliver ware, moving through the line at a snails pace reaching for a small salad and a shit-load of French fries. I needed me some real food; the protein bar in my pack would not fill me up.

After drowning the unsuspecting potatoes in a crap load of ketchup I proceeded to find an empty seat.

To be honest, I didn't really give a care as to where or whom I sat with during these meals. Lunch was lunch, a time to stuff ones face not to chitchat about pointless crap. So I just took the first empty seat I saw, near the end of one of the longer tables. Not looking up or even bothering to glance at the people sitting a few seats away from me.

I took a few chugs from my glass of chocolate milk, and stuffed a few fries into my mouth, humming happily as the growl in my stomach lessened.

I cracked open my container of salad, tearing open the complimentary packet of Italian dressing and drizzling it over the top before stabbing the iceberg with the tip of my fork. I chewed quietly, periodically chasing my salad/fries down with a chug or two of chocolaty goodness.

"Logan?" On instinct at hearing my name I turned my head to the left, my gaze finding Hayden's familiar hazel eyes. I nodded in response, throwing her a small wave.

"What's up?" I wondered, not at all interested, but at the same time not wanting to be rude. She was, after all, a guardian. As was her beau/mate/whatever that sat on her left. Daniel. He nodded his head in greeting when my gaze slipped to his.

"Oh nothing much, we didn't know you would be here this week." She remarked, motioning between Daniel and herself highlighting her 'we' sentiment.

"Yea, it wasn't planned." I shrugged, stabbing a carrot.

Hayden was pretty cool. She was politely indifferent to my lack of a shifter gene as I hoped most would be. She never expressed an opinion or gave me pitying looks. She just treated me like any other person, and I respected her for it. Daniel and I hadn't had very many conversations, but I thought he was really nice and a good match for Hayden.

It was kinda disgusting the way they looked at each other, as if the sun rose in each other's eyes. I suppose it was the same expression every happily mated couple in here was wearing, one of utter fascination and indescribable attraction. I frowned a bit at that thought, annoyed that I wouldn't have that.

"Oh, are you here for work?" Hayden wondered, taking a dainty sip fro her glass of cola.

"Uh...sort of. I'm not really here _for_ work, just _because_ of it." She nodded as if she understood my less than informative ranting. And I thanked whoever was listening for not having to explain any further. I just wanted to eat my damn fries in peace.

Hayden and Daniel went back to their own musings, eating quietly and speaking in hushed tones. Hayden's giggles were going to drive me insane, not because they were high-pitched but because I couldn't stand the almost elated smirk that came to Daniel's lips every time the sound escaped her lips.

After a moment or two of unending affection on their part I dropped my fork noisily onto my tray and pushed myself away from the table, failing purposefully to mutter any sort of polite goodbye.

I dumped my trash in a near by bin, pushing at the swinging exit door and making my way down the hallway.

0~0~0~0~0

Sometime later I found myself in the music hall.

Alone.

But this fact wasn't all that surprising. The music hall was often desolate, save for the company of an age old acoustic guitar that hadn't been tuned since the Clinton administration, if it was lucky, a few piles of mislabeled sheet music, generic chord sheets and 'How to play (insert instrument here)' type books. I sidestepped the guitar, walking past the shelf that held personal instruments. I spotted Drake's guitar case, solid gray with a random red sticker on the handle. I smiled to myself at the sight of the solitary crimson dot, and after a few wondersome thoughts as to where it originated or why it was placed there, I noticed the baby grand. Like the guitar, it hadn't been tuned in ages, but it was beautiful. All solid black and shiny. Yes it was friggen shiny. I ran my hands over the cool wood, my fingers tracing the gold 'Yamaha' in its place just above middle C. I plunked a few keys for good measure, wincing slightly as the untuned notes danced about the air.

I sighed, plopping myself down on the seldom used bench and proceeded to plunk out the notes to 'Chopsticks'. I smiled at the familiar, childish tune, bobbing my head in time with my plunking fingers.

After playing around a bit more I settled my hands in a more serious, almost reverent fashion above the ivory. Arching my palms and stretching my fingers I applied pressure to the correct keys, the melody of one of my favorite songs coming to fruitation to my surprised hands. I played the piece with very minimal errors, proud of myself for remembering the notes so well.

I hadn't played a piano in a few years, my music craving having been curbed by my guitar addiction. And although I could play this particular tune on a guitar with my eyes closed, I didn't expect to get through the first few measures let alone the first few pages. I smirked, playing with a bit more enthusiasm and humming along as the chords progressed and changed.

I kept my voice to myself, singing wasn't my forte, and although I didn't suck, I wasn't great either. And, I didn't want to accidentally expose any unsuspecting passersby to my untimely cracks and broken pitches.

I tapped my feet along with the music, making up an ending because I hadn't ever bothered to learn the final dissention of notes in the first place. It sounded horribly off key, but I didn't care and when I was done, I smirked to myself, leaning my palms on either side of the bench and leaning back as if to admire my work. Which was silly, because it wasn't as if I could admire a played piece like I could a painting. Unlike art, which was constant and permanent, music was there one minute and then it was gone. I, however, could bask in the glorious afterglow of a well-played song.

A round of gentle applause startled me and as I whipped my body around to identify my sole witness, my hand smacked down the lid to the keys creating a cringe worthy abundance of off-pitch garbage to resound at an almost unbearable decibel around the room.

I gritted my teeth, my whole body shuddering at the ugly noise. I whispered a quick "Sorry." Before tilting to my head up to meet the amused gaze of one Elder Wilde.

Shit. Could I be anymore of a klutz? And around him, no less.

Elder Wilde was as close to a king as our society was ever going to get. He sat as the head of the guardian council, being one of the older and more experienced of any of the shifters in our community.

Every time I saw him, I felt this unnatural urge to bow. He just had this sort of regalness about him. But then, another thought came to mind. An image, actually. Of this very man informing my parents, and me, of my inability to shift. All feelings of awe disappeared and were placed with bitter resentment.

"Hello." I all but seethed, straightening my posture at the bench, and keeping eye contact with a window just beyond his head.

"Good afternoon, Logan. How have you been doing since your arrival last night?" Another thing about Elder Wilde, he creepily knew everything you ever said or did. So it didn't surprise me that he knew I had arrived in the dead of night yesterday, and it wouldn't surprise me if he had video footage of my entrance, or if he knew exactly what I ate for lunch earlier.

"I've been fine." I answered honestly but curtly, not wanting to prolong this already awkward and unwelcome conversation.

"That's good to hear, I informed Lucas of your arrival earlier this morning, he says he will be expecting you at the river in a few days time is this correct?" I nodded my head.

"Excellent." He moved closer to me, walking his tall figure across the room and toward my sitting area at the piano. He gave me a few feet of space, which I was grateful for, resting his open palm on the flat of the black wood.

"I wasn't aware that you played." He observed, gesturing to the instrument. I shrugged. "It's not my forte." I spoke.

"Nonsense, your playing is lovely." He smiled, his lips pulling back in a genuine gesture of praise. I returned the gesture, mine with considerably less enthusiasm.

"Thanks." I replied. It was odd that he was here, and strange, and weird. The elders had never made an effort with small talk prior to this afternoon. I had to wonder if I was in trouble or if he was about to inform me of something as equally awful as not being able to shift. As if such a thing even existed.

We both stayed silent for a few minutes, me awkwardly staring at the hardwood floor and him gazing at me with a curious smirk on his face. I was getting fed up, feeling like I was under a microscope, or in a fish bowl. Just call me Beta.

"Um...did you need something?" I wondered aloud, dragging the toe of my dark flat across the smooth floor in an effort to distract myself.

"Not exactly." He shifted his weight onto his other foot, moving to walk the length of the piano and then turning back. He repeated the circuit a few more times, pacing the area beside me. "I was actually wondering how you were coping." Coping?

"Uh..How do you mean?" I questioned, truly confused as to his remark.

"How you are coping this month, what with what would be your transformation moon just a few weeks away." I think my mouth may have dropped to the floor. Was...was he asking about my _feelings_ on the subject. As if I was his patient and he my therapist. Um, hello? Does it look like I'm stretched out on some overpriced leather couch? I did not have any desire to discuss this with him.

I huffed, annoyed. "What's it to you?" I questioned, my voice hard and defiant. He just smiled, immune to my animosity.

"What, am I not aloud to be concerned over matters pertaining to other members of our community?" I shrugged, opting not to answer him. Was he asking me to address his position of authority? Quite frankly I didn't give a damn about his status as leader or what ever, I was not going to talk about my feelings with him of all people.

I rolled my eyes.

"I don't see why you would chose now, of all times, to show genuine concern for my feelings." I observed, standing up as if to make my leave. I didn't want to be rude and walk out on the conversation, but I would if he continued to pursue this line of discussion.

Noticing my serious expression, he held up his two hands, palms out in the universal gesture of 'I come in peace'. I crossed my arms over my chest, not appreciating at all whatever bullshit he was about to spew at me.

"I'm sorry if you feel offended by my words, that was not my intent." I said nothing. "I am simply curious as to how you are handling the situation. I would like to offer you the option to talk to someone on my council about the matter if it is becoming difficult to handle." I ducked my head, fighting off the urge to yell and defend myself or to blame him for bringing any self-pitying feelings that I may have on me in the first place.

"No, thank you." Was the response I chose instead. He nodded, stepping away from the piano and moving toward the entrance.

"As a member of this pack, you are welcome to talk or question if it is what you chose." And with that sentiment he left, the door making an insignificant 'thud' in response to his exit.

"I'm not a member of the pack." I whispered to myself. Glaring at the closed door.

After a few moments of stewing in my own resentment I all but charged from the music hall, piano forgotten, guitars forgotten, contentment forgotten as I swung open the door, not even cringing as it slammed against the wall before stalking my way through the doorway and back toward the staircase.

How dare he. He had no place, he _has_ no place questioning how I'm 'coping'. The sick bastard. I kicked one of the stairs, plopping myself down onto the cool stone. I leant my elbows on my kneecaps, resting my chin in my cupped palms.

I hate him, and I hate this place, and all it represents. I could feel angry tears sting at the backs of my eyes and I tugged on my hair in frustration, not wanting to allow myself to cry at his unexpected proclamation. It didn't feel like he was actually interested in what I was going through, it only seemed to be an act of obligation as head of the council, not from genuine curiosity.

I hate this.

I slumped my shoulders in defeat.

"Logan?" I didn't turn my head up at the voice, I knew who it was the second the space next to me became occupied.

Fucking great. Now I had to be all emotional and pissed off in front of _him._

"Go away." I demanded, my voice dead.

"Are you okay?" He wondered. I felt his palm against the small of my back, and just as the night before I stiffened at the foreign warmth.

"Please...just leave me alone." I should have waited until I got to my room to wallow in hatred and cry out of pity and annoyance. I wanted to call my mom and rant to her about how awful this week was going to be and how awful people were in general. I hated people, they were stupid and made my life complicated, especially shifters.

I didn't register any movement from beside me, so I knew that he was still and unmoving. I turned my cheek to my knee, peeking up at him through moist lashes. He was staring straight ahead, and hadn't noticed my glance.

"Why are you still here?" I complained turning my face back to the floor.

"Because you are." I could feel the shrug in his voice, his nonchalance only serving to piss me off more. I was so confused right now. I needed to be alone and he wasn't helping the situation.

I pushed myself away from the stone step, turning without looking back and making my way to my room. "You shouldn't worry about me, Drake. I'm sure you have better things to do than waste your time with a static." I kept moving, not bothering to wait for his reply, if one even existed.

I locked myself in my room, grabbing my cell and pressing speed dial number one. I held the phone to my tear streaked face.

"Hello?" I heard the familiar voice chime.

"Mom?"

0~0~0~0~0

_A/N: Okay, I know I'm like two hours late! I'm sorry! But I got this out as fast as I could. I didn't have that much down time between chapters to write, I apologize and will do better next time. Anywho, this chapter is a bit longer than the last, I hope you liked it. Send me a review if it pleases you, I didn't get any for my last chapter and it kinda bummed me out._

_~ Lauren_


	7. Contemplation

~**Chapter Six**~

Webster's Dictionary defines the term 'reject' as _"To refuse to have, take, or recognize". _It's synonyms being to 'nix' or to 'disallow'. It was in my nature, as both a teenager and as a pacifist, to 'reject' specific opinions or ideas, to 'reject' rules or guidelines, as put in place by authoritative figures, and to 'reject', at least in my case, the life that has been branded as mine.

It is in this 'rejecting' that I find myself being both the victim held at knifepoint, and the antagonist wielding the sharp tool. For one can find themselves on both sides of the blade. For one can find himself or herself both _supplying_ and _receiving_ 'rejection' or dismissal.

And it is in this strange middle, this muddied, foggy, purgatory-like state that I currently reside. Everything I have known, everything I have ever been taught about the world of magic I call my life, is seemingly useless to me. All the knowledge I have gained, all the tests and the vows and the promises of secrecy I have sworn my life to protect... it means nothing, at least, now it means nothing.

It used to mean something. In fact, being a shifter used to mean _everything_. Because being a shifter made you special, it gave you powers unfathomable. Being a shifter meant defying the odds, it meant embracing the impossible and bringing it to formation. It meant being one with the forest, it meant existing not as one, static form...but as two magnificent possibilities. Being a shifter meant, to me, freedom.

A freedom whose foundation couldn't be shaken or stripped away, because it was a part of me. It was in my blood. It was what I was born for, what I was meant for. And the overwhelming calm, the enriching tastes and sounds and smells that encompass one in the forest, in our home, it all becomes more potent, more tangible, more beautiful following ones first transformation. And I...well... I would never experience that.

And it's not fair; it's not fair that I don't get a choice in the matter! It's not fair that Lily gets to live the life she was taught, to live the life she was meant to lead, while I am stuck in this stupid state of frozen simplicity. Never changing, never moving forward... at least not in the shifter sense.

I wouldn't get a first transformation, I wouldn't get a mate, or a destiny, or a life.

I am static; forever human, forever miserable, and forever _rejected_.

And all of these thoughts. These redundant, pitiful, self-depraving words are brought into fruition of a basis that is regular and unyielding. It is torture being among them, the shifters. Their presence is constant and progressive. Everyone I know, everyone I care about will always be ...different. Everyone I love will forever know me as the static girl. And the name Logan Dawes will evoke thoughts of pity and confusion, not brave or kind or smart or talented. No, just words of indifferent sympathy. Words who keep close connotations with terms like useless and shamed.

"Sometimes I wish it would just go away." I whispered, cradling the phone between my shoulder and my cheek. The warming plastic a constant reminder of the gentle presence, of the loving voice on the receiving end of the conversation.

"Oh, sweetie. I know it's hard for you, I know you don't understand, and I wish there was some way to justify it or explain it to you baby, but I just can't. I don't have those answers, those are things that you have to just learn to accept."

And there was that word. Accept. It's a word of contentment and happiness. Most would place the two-syllable word on a pedestal. A pedestal with a beam of white, positive light shining about its hopeful form. Accepting, it was the opposite of 'rejection'. It was a word I both craved and condemned. It was something in which I placed very little hope in achieving.

I would never be able to accept my situation. Or, maybe I could, if it weren't for the constant reminders everywhere I looked. My father, my sister, my only friend, my boss... everywhere.

"I just feel like I'm suffocating." I took a deep breath, the air ripping and shuddering through my trachea in a violent, desperate fashion.

"Oh, honey. You're overwhelming yourself with all these negative thoughts." At that moment I wished she were here with me, rubbing my back in the comforting fashion that only mothers possess. "You are so strong. Stronger than your father or your sister, or even me. You had to be, starting at a very young age, and that wasn't fair, it still isn't fair. You had to grow up so fast, baby. I know this month must be especially difficult for you, but I know... I just know Logan that you can pull through this. That you can get past this, and that you can accept you for _you._"

I smiled a bit to myself, in-spite of the cheesy sentiment. But I couldn't keep the happiness evident in my voice; it was such a fleeting emotion for me.

"I miss you, mom." I replied honestly, sniffling a bit as I rubbed the tears from my eyes.

We talked for a bit more after that, she was worried about me, worried about how I was coping, worried about what I was feeling and how I was handling the pressure that this month entails. She wanted me to know that she was proud of me, for whatever reason I could not guess at, but she did in fact seem genuine in proclaiming the sentiment...and I loved her all the more for it.

She reminded me that if it got to be too much that I could come home, that I could use my birthday gift, those tickets, to go away somewhere for the weekend. She even ventured as far as to offer sending me away the night of my transformation moon. The idea was tempting, but I knew I wanted to be here. I knew I _had _to be here.

It was a masochistic thought at best, wanting to be here, in this village, in this place, on the night that would ultimately have no impact whatsoever on my life.

I sighed.

"I'll have to think about it mom." I answered, not knowing how to make her understand the importance of me being here. Maybe after the transformation moon, when I could officially accept that I was not going to change. When I could finally accept that I was, in fact, a _static._

I pushed myself away from my seated position against the floor, once more reassuring my mother that I would be okay, at least for now, and that I would talk to her and daddy later in the week. She agreed hesitantly, reminding me that if I needed anything this week, anything at all, to give her a call. She was never more than a few hours away, and I was grateful for her thoughtfulness. I was grateful for her presence in my life, God knows I would be a mess without her. Well, more of a mess than I already am.

I clicked the little read 'END' button and proceeded to throw my cell onto the cream colored comforter of my bed.

0~0~0~0~0

After a rather restless night of sleep, I woke up the next morning at what seemed like the crack of dawn but what was, in actuality, around eight thirty. I sighed, wanting to surrender to the comfortable down filled pillows and sink myself further into the plush confines of the bed for a few more hours of black, numbing peace.

In reality I knew that I was awake for good and in an effort to feel less depressed and to forget about yesterday afternoon's events I decided going for a nice hike around the nearby trails and catch up on some work emails and messages might serve as a good distraction.

I found a well broken in pair of my mother's hiking boots in the back of the closet and thanked whomever was listening that we shared a similar shoe size. I pulled on some khaki shorts and a long sleeved, green T-shirt before pulling my hair back into a ponytail and heading toward the back entrance.

Today would be a good day. I needed a good day. I was sick of feeling down and sorry for myself because I was being overly pathetic at this point. I didn't need to be so closed off; I was capable of getting past this... disappointment. Even though I considered it to be so much more than disappointing.

The halls were filled with a quiet buzz; shifters were grabbing quick meals in the cafeteria and preparing for shift change, which usually took place around nine. I passed a few familiar faces in the halls, always remaining passively indifferent unless otherwise addressed. I waved a quick hello to Daniel as he passed through the back doors, probably going out to his scheduled post for guard duty.

I had a fleeting thought as to weather or not Drake would be on duty this morning or if he had been part of the earlier shift and was now catching up on some much needed Z's. I knew that my attitude toward him last night wasn't exactly fair or... normal. I mean, I was rude at best when he was clearly just trying to help. He was a good friend, and I didn't want him to think that my distance had anything to do with him, and that it had everything to do with my unfortunate circumstances.

I grabbed a granola bar and bottled water once I had found the line for food, bypassing most of the spread in an effort to get out to the trails as soon as possible.

The cafeteria didn't seem overly crowded, but I wasn't concerned either way because I was taking my food to go.

After making sure that I had my phone switched on and my ipod with me, I headed toward the back doors. The entrances to three of the most popular trails were only about half a mile from the gates, so I had some time to decide which one I would be venturing today.

I walked with my head down, my eyes scanning a few of my pre-saved playlists before I finally decided on one of my more up-beat mixes in an effort to further uplift my solemn mood. I didn't see anything or anyone, no one stopped me as I headed toward the third trail, knowing it was the longest of the few options, and that it was more rugged. I need a challenge today; I needed something other than what I was currently dealing with, to focus on.

As per usual the forest was serene and beautiful. It was so pristine, so well kept, that it was sometimes difficult to fathom that I wasn't discovering it's rugged cliffs and towering trees for the first time. It all seemed perfect, cool, calm, essentially untouched. If ventured at all, it must have been in a reverent fashion because every single leaf and branch seemed to be in perfect contentedness. Seemed completely happy and unequivocally captivating.

It was in this familiar setting that I could really let myself go, let myself be. Free to think freely and without boundaries or judgments. Where I could voice my own opinions and not be interrupted or pushed away. Where I could come to contemplate and understand the things I was going through at the moment, where I could decide what I wanted out of this life, what I was willing to be or to do to achieve happiness.

I sighed, fluttering my eyelids shut and breathing in the cool misty morning air in greedy, deep gulps. It was so fresh and fragrant out here; I knew I could never get enough of it. I could never be without the forest, I knew, at least, that I wanted to live here. For as long as I would be allowed, for as long as the pull of nature was strong and unyielding.

I could _feel_ it now, and not just in the hyperbolic sense of a statement, because, lets face it, I did tend to over exaggerate at some points. But I could actually sense myself becoming closer to the forest itself, as if that were even possible. It was as if each sinking of my boot's sole into the moist earth was deeper and impossibly more meaningful. It was as if the trees, which swayed so prettily in the wind, were waving and greeting me along my journey. It was as if the sun's warm rays weren't just penetrating the thin membranes of my skin, but as if they were caressing and heating my very soul. It was overwhelming and scary and confusing, because I knew it wasn't natural.

I feared that I was being overly hopeful and that my mind was playing tricks on me. Surely I shouldn't be able to sense so much, to feel, to smell, to taste in such absolute and astounding ways.

I shook my head to clear it, turning up the volume on my ipod to nearly full blast in an effort to distract myself from the strange thoughts.

I walked on, periodically taking sips from the water bottle that I carried with me and toying around with the play-lists and the songs I was listening too. I tried to keep the tempo of my song choices constant, searching for beats that were energy-evoking and fun, that would keep me wanting to press on, keeping me awake and rejuvenated in both the mental and physical sense.

I felt like I was dancing, gliding in a smooth way over the dirt and puckered tree roots, hoping across the tops of the few boulders that were scattered in a random pattern throughout the trail.

I stopped once or twice for some brief moments of well-earned rest and a few bites of granola bar before heading back to the trail.

In its entirety the trail was about fifteen or sixteen miles long, it's distance stretching well past the village's territory into the trails toward the river. I knew I would have to either turn back and return that way or cut my own path directly toward the east if I had a prayer of making it back before dinner. I was starving and my legs were protesting with the effort I had already put them through this morning.

So I turned myself back around, having not brought any sort of machete or sharp tool that would help me cut through the un-traveled expanse between here and the gates of Wolford. Besides, taking the trail was the safer of the two options, and left less room for error, such as getting lost or getting hurt. I didn't have enough supplies with me to afford wasting anymore time and I would soon run out of water. Being dehydrated while on a long distance walk was not something anyone ever wanted to be put through. It was painful and torturous to ones lungs and stomach. I had no desire to feel nauseous, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. And especially not because I made a stupid decision out in the woods. I didn't want to go crying to the elders to send me an escort to come find me. That would be unnecessarily embarrassing.

I walked at a slower pace on the way back, thinking now about the conversation I had with my mother the previous afternoon. She had said I was strong, emotionally to be exact. And I knew I was, as a direct result of being told I wasn't going to shift. I knew she was right about me having to grow up so fast, too fast, and that it wasn't fair. I wondered if that's what had me troubled, if that's what had be so anxious and overwhelmed all the time. I had to think it contributed to it, the fact that I was forced into adulthood, into a maturity that I was not ready for and that I did not want at the meager age of ten.

I thought about if I really desired that playfulness that is often connotated with childhood. The carefree qualities the term possesses did, in truth, intrigue me. I wanted that sort of side of myself to exist again. The side that knew nothing but fun and safety and no boundaries. That part of me that didn't accept the words 'no' and 'impossible', because when you're that young how can anything you fathom or imagine be less than possible. How can it not be essential or vital? Disappointment was an emotion I met at a very young age, an emotion that I understood too well to be quite honest.

But what could I do to bring that playfulness back into my life, and whom could I share that with? I was a loner in every aspect of the word; by choice and by circumstance. I was a loner because I was the only one that understood me, and what was going on inside my head and what I was capable of feeling. I knew that I needed to open myself up and, for a brief, fleeting moment I wondered if talking with someone on the council would be beneficial to my mental health or if the concept of therapy would just force me to stumble upon more of my insecurities and self-image problems, forcibly going against any attempts to bring simplicity and childhood happiness back into my life. Back into my daily routine.

I needed to feel close to someone other than myself, and I don't think I want to share that closeness with a professional or someone on the council. What I really needed was someone to confide in...Someone that I could trust inexplicably. What I needed was to be able to share those parts of myself that I loathe so dearly. That I truly despise. And, what I needed more than any of that was to not be judged because of my inabilities and my differences that the others in my family and my society did not possess or have to face.

I needed someone to know me, not as a static or a shifter, but as a person.

0~0~0~0~0

I reached the south gates around half past three that afternoon, sunburnt, thirsty, and starving. I was practically crawling toward the back entrance, feeling like if I stopped moving, even for a moment, that I would fall over. I was physically exhausted from the hike, and mentally exhausted from all the thinking and processing I had done. I needed a nap and a burger and about a gallon of ice water.

I quickly punched my key-code in, sighing in thankfulness when the doors swung open, revealing only a few hundred feet or so to the back entrance. I couldn't contain my relieved smile. I kicked off one of my hiking boots, than the other, sinking my sock covered toes into the cool ground and groaning at the comfortable feeling. I heard a slight growl to my right and shot my head in the direction, momentarily scared shitless at the unexpected noise.

But the wolf-face wasn't an unfamiliar one, and I knew that the noise that seemed menacing was not, or at least, I hoped it was not.

"Hey." I breathed, my voice exhausted and sad. I hoped he caught the apologetic inflection. He made the growling sound again, coming to stand at my side. In truth, this was probably the closest I had been to a wolf in seven years. I remember playing with Lily at a young age, while my father, in wolf-form, chased us about the yard. I learned at a very young age about my existence, and so his sandy colored fur didn't startle me in the least. But after that day, after finding out that what he was I could never become, he stopped transforming in front of me. Out of pity or respect for my wishes I wasn't sure, but I was grateful none-the-less.

However, standing beside Drake now, wasn't at all like standing in front of my father. In wolf-form, his piercing blue eyes were lost in the unfathomable darkness that surrounded him. He was beautiful, and the fact that I felt so comfortable was slightly unsettling. I should have wanted to put a few feet of distance between the two of us, knowing that what stood before me now, a glorious wolf, was something I could never have for myself.

But I felt so... unhinged. As if I wasn't myself in that moment. So I did the thing that I least expected of myself, I pushed my short fingernails through the smooth bristles of his midnight fur, the palm of my hand gliding along the warmth, tracing his ears before finally resting in the dip just between his shoulders and his neck.

That pull, that tangible sensation I had felt walking through the forest this morning, I felt it now as well...except it was much stronger. Much, much stronger. It was almost crippling, and in my already exhausted state, it caused my sore legs to unhinge of their own accord, as I sunk to my knees in front of him.

"I'm sorry about last night." I found myself saying, not entirely sure where the words were coming from or why I was speaking them. I felt so disconnected from myself.

He dipped his face so his gaze was level with mine, his eyes portraying a question that I didn't know how to respond too.

So I tried to explain as best as I could. That I was upset about what Elder Wilde had confronted me about, that I had felt betrayed and annoyed and hopeless and that in that moment I didn't mean to hurt him by seeming distant. I told him about the conversation with my mother, and about my walk this morning.

He remained silent, making no movements or sounds, but his blue gaze that never left my own left me knowing he had heard me and that he had listened. I smiled at him awkwardly at the end of my speech, moving to stand.

I stumbled a bit, my legs now screaming at me to get inside and lie down. I whispered a quick 'see you later', wanting to say so much more, knowing that I needed to say so much more.

He could read my mind in this form, and that alone left me confident that he at least understood some of what I was trying to explain to him, that he knew where I was coming from.

He brushed his nose against my palm as I turned to leave, wiggling his head underneath my arm to steady me as he walked me back to toward the door.

I smiled to myself, wondering if maybe Drake was the person I could share everything with, maybe he would be the one to finally understand me.

0~0~0~0~0

_A/n: Hey people! I know I said I'd be updating on Wednesday's and Fridays but Wednesday I was dead on my feet after I had gone to the midnight premiere of Eclipse. So I couldn't do anything. I am wondering if I should just keep this story to once a week updates, but am still contemplating at the moment. Hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, I think, besides the first chapter and the prologue, that this is my favorite._

_~Lauren_


	8. Dicoveries

~**Chapter Six**~

The gentle 'click' of molded brass in its lock companion brought an unnecessary smile to my face. I knew, that just beyond the wooden barrier of my suite door, a change of clothes and a comfy bed lay waiting, endlessly patient for my arrival.

I twisted the knob, wrapping my fingers around its shape and all but tumbling across the plush surface of cream carpeting. I peeled away layers of sweat and dirt soiled clothing, as I stepped through the clouded glass of the shower door. Turning the handle, I cranked the temperature to its lowest setting, until I couldn't fathom anything but solid ice emerging from the punctured metal-head.

The constant press and pressure of the spray against my sore muscles and heated skin felt divine, and I smirked with realization that I could never run out of cold water. I wanted to stay under the stream for hours, but my protesting stomach had other ideas.

I lathered my corn-colored locks with my mint-scented shampoo, scratching my scalp as the suds slipped down my back when met with iced water.

I shut off the spray sometime later, wrapping myself in one of the fluffy white towels I found in the pantry. I combed through my hair, searching the room's various dressers and drawers before finding an appropriate outfit to wear to dinner.

I pulled the gray-flowered dress over my torso and paired it with my overused pair of dark leggings. I loved how comfortable the material was. The outfit as a whole was casual while still making me feel pretty. Not that I was attempting to impress anyone, I knew my place here, but it still felt nice to see myself as beautiful…at least for a little while.

I skipped my bare feet into the bathroom, applying a light dusting of powdered foundation and a few quick swipes of mascara to make my grass-stained irises pop.

A touch of clear lip-gloss finished the look, and after stepping into my favorite pair of black ballet-flats I made my way to the cafeteria.

0~0~0~0~0

The cafeteria was crowded, more so than I was used to and I knew that finding a table scare of people would be difficult. So, after I grabbed a hamburger and a side salad, I went in quiet search for a familiar face.

It wasn't too difficult to spot him; amongst the other shifters he seemed happier than he was at school. He had a smile on his face as he enjoyed his food and it warmed my heart that he had so easily found acceptance from the pack. He deserved it; he was such a good person. I didn't deserve him as a friend.

I made my way around the maze of pushed out chairs and crammed tables toward where he was sitting. He looked up when he heard my approach and I gave him a small smile, a gesture meant to once more apologize for yesterday. He nodded, returning my smile and patting the chair on his left.

I took my seat.

"Hey." I spoke quietly to him, ignoring the questioning stares from the other members of the table. I was never so social, so I don't blame them for their confusion.

"Hi." He responded.

I cut my burger in half and took a few bites, chewing slowly so as not to further embarrass myself by chocking or something equally life-threatening and humiliating.

"Hey, Logan. Nice to see you around." I turned my attention across the table to where Seth, another shifter sat. I nodded at him, shrugging a bit. "Yea." Was my only response, because I didn't feel like acknowledging my anti-social tendencies.

"Heard anything from Lucas yet?" Drake questioned, tossing a few of his fries into his mouth.

"Not yet. I'll probably get an update sometime tomorrow." I speared some lettuce with my fork, twirling it in the ranch dressing at the side of my plate. "I don't expect them back for at few more days though."

"Cool." He took a few sips from his water bottle, pushing his tray toward me, eying my salad. "What's with the salad? Here, eat some fries." He smirked a little at his statement and I eyed the golden potatoes longingly.

"Some of us actually have to watch what we eat." I pointed out rather begrudgingly. That's another thing about shifters, they can eat whatever the hell they want to, whenever the hell they want to. Because, their bodies are getting a constant exercise while in wolf form. Something about a higher metabolism.

Lucky mutts.

He nodded, still smirking. "I don't really think you have to worry about that. Besides, that little hike of yours this morning has earned you at least a few indulgences." He nudged me with his shoulder. My heart stuttered.

What was this boy doing to me?

"Don't tempt me." I whined, glaring at his amused form. "I already saw the chocolate cake they're serving." Half the table perked up at my words.

"There's cake?" Seth wondered, turning in his chair to search the counter. "I'll be right back." I rolled my eyes at his antics, turning back to my meal.

Drake tried to mask his laughter, but the smooth, dark sound still found its way to my ears. I smiled to myself, happy to see him happy.

"Whatever you say, Lo." He picked up a fri, dangling it in front of my face. I took the opportunity to stick my tongue out at him and over enthusiastically spear a carrot to dangle in front of his face.

"Oh, _yum._" He teased, leaning as far back from the vegetable as possible. I kicked his shin under the table, bringing my fork to my mouth and crunching happily on the crinkled carrot.

Seth returned then, happily displaying his oversized piece of double-chocolate cake. I swallowed my vegetable dejectedly, my gaze fixed on the smooth texture of whipped fudge frosting. It was torture, pure unadulterated torture...

"I have yet to see the day when Logan Dawes turns down chocolate, and I have a feeling that today will not be that day." Drake proclaimed, reaching toward Seth and procuring a large fork full of the moist desert. Seth snarled at him, moving an arm in front of his plate in a protective sort of gesture.

I watched as Drake made a big show of eating his bite of cake, all the while smirking at me. I wanted to hit him.

"Jerk." I muttered to myself, of course his super-wolf hearing didn't miss a beat and he scoffed at my choice of insult.

"Oh, don't be a baby, there is plenty of cake left." Seth stated, pointing a chocolate covered fork at me. Drake laughed, angling his face towards me and leaning in as if to whisper something to me.

My breath caught at his close proximity and I felt a small shudder run down the length of my spine.

"Yea, Lo. Don't be such a baby." He teased, mimicking Seth's voice. I wanted to growl at him, but my annoyed snarl quickly turned into a soft snort as I felt his fingers tickle at my waist. I swatted at his hand, but he was unrelenting.

"Stop!" I whined, trying my best to sound angry, but my giggles masked the strict tone I was going for.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" He wondered, gliding the pads of his fingers up across my rib cage to my sides.

"Drake!" I screeched, feeling the tears sting at the backs of my eyes. "I'm going to...to beat you up!"

"Uh, huh. Sure, Lo." He pulled his hands away then, and I bent over in a protective sort of gesture in case he decided he wasn't finished. I wrapped my arms around my middle, glaring at him attempting to catch my breath.

After a few moments of deep breathing and the quiet mutterings of a few choice profanities I sat up straight. Turning toward Drake and slapping him hard against his shoulder.

"Hey!" He stated, rubbing the skin that I hoped would bruise. Not that it would make a difference, he could just go and shift and in a few seconds 'Voila!' No bruise.

"Not cool!" I exclaimed, angling my back away from him and turning back to my tray. But instead of finding my half eaten salad a single Hershey's bar lay in its place. I quirked an eyebrow at the candy, wondering whereabouts it came from...and where my salad had gone to...

Of course, I knew it was Drake's doing. He probably took the opportunity to swipe my dinner for my favorite desert when I was hunched over attempting to regain control over my breathing.

I stared at the brown wrapper, wanting to immediately delve into its confines, but also wanting to annoy Drake by not even acknowledging it.

Of course the chocolate fiend in me was not having any of that.

"A mere 'thank you' would suffice." Drake whispered in my ear. I turned my face toward his; not realizing the gesture would leave only inches between our faces. My heart stopped at his nearness, my gaze locked first on the pale pink of his lips and then on the crystal blue of his eyes before I turned my hot cheeks back toward my tray.

"Whatever." Was my only response, as I tore into the top of the wrapper and took a hearty bite out of the bar of sweetness.

"You're lucky we're friends." I commented between bites, all the while keeping my gaze locked with the green plastic of my tray. Needing to forget about the strange moment that had just passed between the two of us. I mean, I knew that I had feelings for Drake... I accepted that a long time ago. But he deserves someone who can shift, and I can't allow him to forget that. I can't be anyone's mate.

"Otherwise, what?" His voice seemed off, but I didn't turn my eyes back toward his direction.

"Otherwise, I really would have beaten you up." He didn't respond with a chuckle like I thought he would have, and in my curiosity I turned to face him. He was bent over his tray, picking at his fries once more. I wondered if maybe I wasn't the only one left confused by our moment. Was it a moment? ... As close to one as I'm ever going to get.

"Drake, are you coming?" I turned my face back to Seth, he and some of the other occupants of our table had stood up, trays in hand. I sat up straighter, turning to face Drake with a questioning glance. Did he have plans?

"Yea, sure." He stood up too, picking up his tray in the process. He turned towards me, quirking an eyebrow and cocking his head toward the direction of the other guys. "Do you want to come?" He wondered aloud.

What was he talking about? "Where?" I voiced my confusion aloud.

"Some of us are going for a run before our shift." He stated with a casual shrug. My heart plummeted. A run... that usually meant in their shifter forms.

"Oh, sounds fun. But you don't want me slowing you down." I pointed out, gesturing to myself. He seemed confused. Did he really need me to elaborate?

I sighed. "I can't run with you guys, static, remember?" I exclaimed in a whispered huff.

When I glanced up at his face I expected to see realization or something of the like but only found an amused sort of smirk. "What?" I demanded, not understanding his facial expression.

"Were not running as wolves, Logan. Geez, I'm not _that_ insensitive." He held his hand out to me, pointing toward the door where the others were already headed. I blushed at his words and his gesture, reluctant to place my hand in his, still confused as to what we would be doing.

"Come on, I don't bite!" He teased, wrapping his fingers around my palm and pulling me up. He grabbed our two trays in his other hand, trashing those on our way out the door.

I said nothing...mostly because I couldn't think with him so close. Something had changed in these past few weeks. It seemed I was becoming more aware of him, as a person, as a wolf. More comfortable almost, as if that were possible. He was already my best friend...my only friend...how much closer could we be platonically speaking? I mean, platonic for him. Part of me would always want to be with him as more than a friend, but that part of me was overshadowed by a bigger, more prominent part. Reality.

And that part of me, the realistic portion, knew that I couldn't really consider myself 'mate-material'. Especially for him, he as a Dark Guardian. He deserved someone who could shift, someone who could keep up with him, who wouldn't hold him back.

I sighed, keeping pace with him as we excited the building. The sun was just setting now and the other guys were already racing ahead of us through one of the grassy trails. I looked down at my outfit, frowning at my ballet flats.

"Drake, I don't think I'll be able to keep up." I said honestly, gesturing toward my feet. He just shrugged, slowing his pace. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What?" He questioned, still keeping his hand wrapped around mine. I wanted to smile, but I knew it wasn't fair to torture myself so I loosened my grip and stuffed my hand into the pockets of my dress.

He seemed hurt for a moment, but that was probably my wishful thinking at work again. "I don't want to keep you from your friends, Drake. Seriously, go on." I nodded toward the edge of the forest where they had disappeared.

"You want to get rid of me that much?" He wondered, his tone half teasing half...serious? I couldn't tell, and that worried me.

"No, I don't mean it like that... I'm just not really dressed for a hike in the woods or for running... I don't want to be a burden." He shook his head at me, taking a step in front of me and halting any forward progress. He knelt down in front of me, so I was facing his curved spine. "Climb on." Was his simple request.

"Huh?"

"Climb on." He repeated. But I couldn't move, my confusion had paralyzed me into a state of catatonic uselessness. He rolled his eyes, backing up until my knees rested against his shoulder.

"You don't have to worry about me." I whispered once more, but he wasn't having any of it. He backed up even further, the sudden movement causing me to fall forward. He immediately responded by hooking his arms around my knees and lifting me from the ground. I squealed in surprise, wrapping my arms in a vice grip around his neck, but it didn't seem to hurt him. He just chuckled, jogging forward.

"You're too stubborn for your own good, Lo." He stated in that matter-of-fact tone of his that did nothing but piss me off. I huffed, smacking his shoulder. More chuckles.

"I hate you." I stated, resting my head atop his black mane. Enjoying the soft feel of the dark bristles against my cheek. I sighed, sending a few stray locks blowing haphazardly away from his face.

"Uh, huh. Sure." He tickled my bare shins with the tips of his fingers, making me giggle and squirm away from him. He just held on tighter.

I felt safe with Drake, and happy. I could feel the 'thud' of his heartbeat against the skin of my forearm where it rested against his throat. The sound was soothing and comforting, and made it easy for me to drift away into a blissful, trance-like state. A place in which I could imagine my preferred life. Where I knew that I had friends, and Drake, and where I could shift. Where I had possibilities and opportunities. Where I didn't feel pressured to be something I'm not, or limited by something I am.

"What are you thinking of?" He wondered aloud, slowing our pace just slightly as we caught sound of the other guys. I tried to shrug against his shoulders, but it wasn't really working so I opted for the ever popular excuse of 'nothing.' Which, in truth, meant everything.

"Nothing?" He repeated, the influx on the second syllable changing the word from a statement to a question.

"Just wondering where we're going. And how long you're keeping me hostage." I teased, closing my eyes as a cool breeze passed over us. Drake's hair dusted the edges of my cheeks and nose, making me giggle.

"I'm not keeping you hostage!" He scoffed playfully, stopping in an abrupt fashion and causing me to tumble to the ground, falling on my ass.

"Hey!" I protested, picking myself up and dusting off my dress. I glared at him, wanting to snarl.

He just laughed, stuffing his hands into his pockets and walking forward, I followed him until a clear pond came into sight. "We're here." He stated, as my eyes took in the landscape. The pond was clear, save for the few bodies swimming around in it. Seth was sitting on the branches of a tall willow that hung over the edge of the water, his shirt discarded and his shorts sopping wet. I watched him cannon ball into the pool, creating waves and splashes that the others dodged and ducked from. I laughed a bit, wishing I had brought a bathing suit.

I walked a circuit along the banks kicking my flats underneath a maple and climbing up onto its lowest branch. My feet dangled a few feet above the ground, but the angle kept me close to the water, while at the same time preventing me from any over enthusiastic splashers.

"It's so pretty out here." I remarked as Drake came to stand beside me, his head level with my stomach. He nodded, his own gaze fixed upon the landscape. The setting sun painted the sky in shades of puce and gold, the rising moon a sliver fuller than it was last night. It was half-full now, a perfect semi circle among the dotted stars and the disappearing suns rays. "Only two more weeks." I remarked, swinging my bare feet.

Drake followed my gaze, his irises fogging over with the reflected moonbeams. He nodded in recognition. "Where will you go?" His question confused me. It was usually something you asked a transforming shifter in reference to which lair they would choose.

"I'll probably spend the night at home. With my guitar." I answered simply, not wanting to awkwardly call him out on his mistake. He turned his face upward, toward mine. I didn't want to look at him though. I didn't want to think about what wouldn't happen in two weeks. I just wanted to enjoy this peaceful setting and the time I had to spend with him.

My biggest fear was that once the time passed, once my moon was gone and he realized I was really a static...he wouldn't want anything to do with me. And then I would be really and truly alone. It would destroy me.

"You're going to be alone?" He wondered, his voice seeming harsh. I shot him a confused glare.

"Yea. I don't need company for my non-existent transformation." I seethed, annoyed at his pressing of the issue.

I felt him pull himself up onto the branch, his weight making it sink slightly lower to the ground. I stared at my dangled feet.

"You shouldn't want to be alone." He reasoned, covering the back of my hand where it rested against the branch with his own. I wanted to cry.

"I'll always be alone." I whispered, fighting back a sob that so desperately craved release. I could feel the familiar sting of tears prickle at the backs of my eyes, but my desire to stay strong, to seem strong at the very least held true.

I felt his hand grip my fingers tightly, willing for me to look at him. But I wouldn't, and in response to my resistance he lifted his fingers, resting them on the underside of my chin and titling my face toward his.

"You are never alone." He stated, his eyes sad and tortured. I could see my own eyes reflected in his...they were emotionless. Eyes of acceptance. Acceptance that I was unchanging, and always would be.

After a few moments of silence on both our parts he gave my hand one more squeeze before jumping down from the branch. The tree shook with the effort and I steadied myself carefully against its bark.

I watched him walk toward the water, listened as Seth and the others hollered at him to join them. My gaze never left his, watching as he lifted his black T-shirt over his head and threw it carelessly toward the edge of the banks.

But I couldn't think, couldn't breathe after that moment. Everything seemed to crumble, to fall apart. All because of the swirled ink design that lay in place on his left shoulder. He had chosen.

I let the tears fall.

0~0~0~0~0

_Okay! Who liked it? Who loved it? Who hated it? He he...and what do you think about Drake's tattoo? Any guesses? I'll update this story again on Friday!_

_~Lauren_


	9. Alone

~**Chapter Seven**~

Emotion is a difficult thing to endure. As humans we are blessed with such a gift, the ability to express and to feel and to understand the sensations that we are exposed to in our daily lives. The seemingly incomprehensible and instinctive knowledge and reactions we have to said exposures are equally vast and overwhelming. It is both miraculous and unfathomable that so many emotions can and do exist, and are recognized. Affection, love, anger, grief, concern, etc. The list goes on in its seemingly infinite entirety.

As humans were are blessed with such a gift as this. As humans we are also cursed by its very presence.

I can't be entirely positive, but I was almost sure that the sight of Drake's tattoo; the swirled Celtic design of some female's name, had surely turned my face of contented indifference into one of utter defeat. It was deafening, it was blinding, and it was acutely _painful_ to watch him walk away. To know, for sure, that any of what I perceived to be small hopes were nothing more than blind fantasies.

I had never felt so alone. So entirely alone and ... unnecessarily _betrayed. _Who exactly the betrayer is I cannot tell you. But surely some deity or spirit of the like was looking down upon me with a smug smirk. Surely I was created as a pawn to elicit hilarity, a marionette in a show, a life, of dead and dark ends.

I wondered, briefly, how any emotion could be so crippling. I couldn't move, and although my thoughts seemed to be screaming 'run' or 'hide', my feet wouldn't register or accept their commands. It was some sick joke, some sick cosmic prank that I was seemingly the victim of.

Alone.

And I always will be.

I dug the pads of my calloused fingers into the dark, rough bark of the tree, keeping myself grounded, keeping myself sane. Because, for all intents and purposes, sanity wasn't something I would no longer be able to call my own. This month, these coming weeks will prove that, and whatever childhood dream or fantasy that my heart has kept harbored and alive will die little by little.

I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop myself from curling in, dipping my chin to my chest in an effort to completely and totally disappear. After all, who wanted anything to do with me? I had come to accept, in so many words, that I was the outsider, the black sheep of the pack. I had come to accept that I would be alone in the 'shifter' aspects of my life. But with these understandings had also come bright spots. Spots that gave me reason and hope. Like my family. Like my mother and my father. Like my music. Like these woods. I knew that I had lost the love of my twin the second the realization of static was brought about, I knew that I lost my dreams of being a Dark Guardian that same day. But I held on to the hope that someday things would be different. That I could meet someone who loved me for me and who didn't judge me or make premature decisions about the person I am based on my obvious lackings.

Drake was supposed to be my person. But, just like every other dream of mine, this dream was shattered.

And now, sitting here, on a low hanging willow over a secluded lake in the national forest I have come to call my home, I stare into the midnight depths of rippling waves and see in it's reflective surface the complete essence of despair.

I watched the half-moon rise in the distance and for the first time, looked into its pearled craters with disbelief instead of reliance. The moon was no longer my maybe but my 'no'.

And it hurt, so, so much. Not just emotionally, not just mentally, but I seemed to be left with a physical ache, a tangible loss. It was as if someone had lacerated the delicate valves of my heart and I could feel the drips and drops of blood as they pooled in my stomach.

I felt nauseous.

The tortured remnants of my realistic longings wanted for me to leave, needed for me to find solace and solitude away from prying eyes. The squished, moistened ground of this hidden beach no longer called to me, no longer allowed me that sense of calm and control that I so desperately craved. It taunted me, tormenting me with visions and sightings of my once best friend turned first love and the permanent marking that proved his devotions lied elsewhere.

But I was paralyzed in this vulnerability. A loneliness so encompassing, so raw that not even the simplest notions came easily.

I released a single, broken sob. The only palpable indication of my unwilling acceptance.

How could I face him now, how could I smile? Not just for him, but for anyone. I let myself become too attached, and look where it's led me? To heartbreak, just like everything else I have ever come to love. Just like everything else that I ever come to wish for.

But I can't place this blame on him. I can't make him responsible for the misfortunes I have been accustom to and aware of the majority of my short life. It was selfish of me to let myself become so close, to let my heart learn to love what was good for it. Because I knew, I _know _that in this life, in my life, all good things must come to some tragic and abrupt end. I was the victim to my own perpetrator, and this night was my consequence.

I was selfish for being sad, for wanting him when he so clearly deserved so much more. Maybe it will be better now, now that I know he longs for nothing more than friendship. Maybe it will be better knowing that my supposed boundaries will be finally set in stone, be distinguishable and separate from my oblivious fantasies.

So I waited. I sat there. Like a good friend should. Waiting to join the rest of the group when it came time to leave. Because, I didn't have a right to be hurt. Because, I didn't have a right to feel this pain. Because, my leaving would lead to a wanting for explanations that I could not give.

I remained stationary. Unmoving, silent, alone.

0~0~0~0~0

It was sometime later when the fun of the desolate lake became null and void. The positioning of the moon in the blackened sky showed proof enough that the time to turn in had long since past. They had a shift to attend to before the night was through, and some of them feared that they were late in relieving their posts.

"Are you ready to go?" I had my face to the dirt, my green eyes seeing nothing but it's dark, moist depths as I pushed my body away from the branch and gave Drake a subtle nod.

I was afraid to vocalize any sort of sentiment for fear that an emotional breakdown would soon follow. He didn't deserve to watch me endure such an event, it wouldn't have been fair.

I watched as he pulled his dark T-shirt over his damp chest, taking one more brief look toward the moon before cursing under his breath.

"We're going to be late." He muttered to himself, reaching for my hand and securing it in his tight grip. "Come on." He commanded softly, his long legs pulling us into a brisk jog. And my annoyance with myself rose a little further. Even my slow, static like tendencies were holding him back. As if my presence alone were not enough.

I tugged on his grip, pulling his tall form to a stop. He dropped his hold on my hand. "Go on ahead without me. You'll be faster in wolf form." My monotonous tone gave nothing away but a complete air of indifference, and I didn't know whether to praise myself for the ability to hold back my emotions or to curse myself for seeming so distant. I was a horrible friend.

"It's late, Logan. I can't let you wander the forest alone!" He urged, reaching for my hand once more. I pulled it back, out of his reach, shaking my head at him.

"Just go." I nearly pleaded, gesturing with my head toward the direction where the others had run off in.

He sighed, and I watched as his pale, beautiful blue eyes squinted with thought, his striking black mane bobbing with the effort of his constantly turning head. He was deciding which would be the better option, and I hoped that he would just go. Just leave me alone; it's what I needed at the moment.

He huffed, moving his arms to the base of his shirt before peeling it away from his torso and tossing it at me. I stared, blankly as he headed toward the brush beside the Lake.

I guess he decided that running would be the better option. I could carry his clothing back for him if he wished, it was the least I could do.

Moments later his shorts joined the pile in my hands and I was staring at the wolf-creature as he appeared in front of me.

"You go on ahead, I'll bring your clothes." I reasoned, motioning for him to take his leave. His cerulean irises seemed to darken just slightly and I watched with confused amusement as he rolled his eyes. He poked his cold nose into my thigh, moving to stand in front of me.

He wanted me to climb on his back. I immediately shook my head. I wasn't ready for that... At least, I knew that I couldn't handle it emotionally. Being so close with him, it felt almost too intimate a gesture to be shared between the two of us.

He growled slightly, turning his head and nipping slightly at my forearm. A warning.

"Please, Drake... Just go, I'll be fine." I pleaded, clutching his warm T-shirt closer to my chest, my arms wrapping around my torso of their own accord, as if the gesture would keep me from falling apart.

He whined softly at me, moving once more to poke his nose into my thigh. I brushed my fingers through the bristles along his forehead, wanting to lean down and wrap my arms around him. But I couldn't, and I needed to stop this train of thought. He could read my mind in this form. I feared I had already exposed myself too much.

The wolf moved ever closer to me, his warm breath tossing up the edges of my dress with ever exhaling breath. He rested his furry cheek against my stomach, closing his eyes slightly. My fingers danced along his spine and I took in a shaky breath, knowing that if he didn't leave soon he was most definitely going to be late and would more than likely get in trouble.

I didn't want to cause him trouble; I had done enough of that as it was.

I shook the thought from my head.

"Okay." I obliged, watching as he stepped away from me. I climbed gently onto his back, being careful not to hurt him. I rested the crest of my head in the dip between his shoulders, crossing my legs at the ankle and resting them atop his backside.

He took off as soon as I was secure.

And the feeling was phenomenal. And I knew in that moment, that this would be as close as I would ever get to experiencing the beauty that is a shifted form. I would never be able to run this fast, never be able to feel the rush of broken air against my wind-swept cheeks. I would never be able to feel the coursing, constant pounding of another's heartbeat against the shell of my ear. I would never feel so safe.

And although I wanted to censor my thoughts to him, knowing full well that he was hearing every single one that passed through my jumbled and tormented mind, I couldn't help but forget reason and rhyme as I watched the darkened strips of trees and rocks fly past at unnatural speeds. The quick inhale and exhale of the wolf's running breaths kept me centered to that fact that I was sharing this experience with another, that it was not a solitary act in the least. And Drake was willing to show this side of him to me. It made me giddy in an unnecessary and almost childlike sort of way.

I nuzzled my cheek into the side of his neck, a gesture made to warm my wind-burned face, but a gesture also made as a sign of wonderment and gratitude. He turned his eyes towards me, and in his alighted irises reflected my own similar expression and for the first time in a long time I let myself laugh, loudly, breathlessly, because surely nothing in life could ever be any greater than this. I felt _whole_. Complete.

For the duration of those few miles I wasn't just Logan Dawes; lonely static. I was Logan Dawes; almost shifter.

0~0~0~0~0

It seemed only moments later that we broke through to the gates of Wolford. With one, what I hoped was subtle; inhale of Drake's sweet, woodsy scent I climbed gently off his back, allowing him the relief from my weight.

He turned his nose up to the sky, and I followed his gaze seeing that we had made it back with only minutes to spare. I could see beyond the steel bars the wolves that prowled and guarded our home. It was time for him to go. It was time for me to let him go.

To let go of whatever fantasies of 'if's' and 'maybes' and to accept my circumstances for what they are and for what they will never be.

"I'll bring your clothes to your room." I spoke softly, running my chilled fingers through the cool fabric. He nodded ever so slightly, moving to stand before me. I pressed the heel of my palm to the side of his neck, feeling his pulse point as I dusted my nails against the warmth there.

"See you tomorrow." I whispered, stepping away from him and moving toward the gates. I punched in my key-code, allowing him to follow me inside before I closed the door behind us.

I walked toward the front doors alone, my wolf companion having left me to prowl the eastern edge of our land.

I moved inside quickly, shutting the large door behind me. I stared blankly at the clothing in my hands, my feet moving of their own device to carry me up to the third floor, past my own room and down a narrow hallway, where Drake's families quarters were. I didn't have a key, but I knew that Mrs. Lawson kept one taped to the underside of the quaint welcome mat that was placed just outside their doorway.

I found it quickly enough, making quick work of the lock before running my hands blindly along the edges of the smooth dry wall in search for a light switch. It's plastic shape of a switch dragged along my palm and I flipped it, illuminating the room in its entirety.

I had been in here before, but only on a few brief occasions. Once when Mrs. Lawson had something she wanted for me to deliver to my mother, and once when Drake left his guitar case.

I folded the shirt and shorts and laid them neatly along the unmade black comforter of Drake's bed, smiling at his messy antics.

I can't believe I let myself fall for him. I was a fool.

I dragged my fingers along the smooth material once, twice, and then I left, returning to my own room.

0~0~0~0~0

The next morning I awoke to the familiar yet unwelcome sound of a beeping Walkie Talkie.

I pressed the black button on its side, holding the plastic device to my lips. "Logan here." I whispered tiredly, hearing only shuffling and a few faint noises crackling through the speakers.

"Logan, Lucas here, just wanted to let you know we arrived at the campsite and day ahead of schedule, so we should be back at the river in about three days or so." I mumbled incoherently into my pillow before once more bringing the plastic to my face.

"Sure, sure. Have fun." I spoke, tossing the device to the other side of the bed and turning my cheek back into the down of my feather pillow.

0~0~0

I awoke for the second time a few hours later, the digital alarm clock reading 12:30 PM. Wonderful, I had slept through lunch.

It didn't matter so much though, my mother kept a few random boxes of granola bars stashed around the apartment in various places. I found a strawberry Nutrigrain bar that I munched on as I powered up my cell phone.

I kept it one usually, but since my overwhelming phone call to my mother it has stayed safely hidden in the nightstand drawer. I didn't want to deal with anything then, but I knew I would have to eventually.

I listened to a few messages, returning some calls about reserving tour guides in a few weeks and sent a quick text to my mother to let her know I was doing all right. Sometimes I wished she could just come pick me up, but I knew that would be selfish of me to make her come so out of the way, and how would it look to the others? I would just wait it out, I supposed.

I updated my calendar with the new dates, scanning mindlessly through its color coded confines. I stared blankly at the date just weeks away, the day of my transformation moon. The little black circle in the top right corner of the date alerted the public to the fact that a full moon would take place that night, I just wanted to rip out the taunting square and shred it into an infinite number of indistinguishable pieces.

Only twelve more days.

0~0~0~0~0

_A/N: Hey people! I'm sorry I didn't get his chapter out yesterday, had to take an unexpected trip to the ER...not fun. Remember bikes and flip flops don't mix! :P Anywho, hoped you liked the chapter, a lot of you have been making some pretty good guesses about what's to come in the later chapters, so kudos to you! Review please and tell me what you think, I love hearing everyone's thoughts!_

_Also a big shout out to xxfantasy because your review made me smile so wide :) Thank you so much!_


	10. Worries

~**Chapter Eight**~

I spent the afternoon locked in my room. Not out of self-pity, which was my usual excuse. No, mostly because I had a lot of work to catch up on. That... and avoiding Drake. But mostly my workload. Or, at least, that's what I kept telling myself.

And so far I had been successful in both getting my work done and avoiding the one person who inspired such a diligent work ethic. I didn't want to leave the safe haven that is my private quarters unless absolutely necessary for both fear of seeing him, but most of all for fear of seeing _her. _Don't get me wrong; I want to be happy for Drake. He's, well he's my best and only friend, at least that's how it feels most days. He deserves to be happy, and he's found that one person, he's made his choice. And, I knew that I would have to face, at some point, the fact that his choice was not me. That he had chosen a life with someone else, another shifter, someone who couldn't hold him back the way I inevitably would.

I sighed, throwing a load of whites into the washer as I updated my work calendar. The fact that Lucas was going to return a day early meant that we could bump up some of our tour group dates. So, I had been on the phone since around one in the afternoon calling all clients that had been booked for the day following Lucas' return, and offering them the option of either extending their trip by a day or getting a head start. Most declined but some showed interest.

I checked in with Lucas just before I would head down to dinner, but all I got on the other end was static. I waited a few moments, but no response was ever made. I shrugged it off, telling myself he was probably just busy.

I didn't particularly want to drag myself to the cafeteria, but the fact that Drake would still be on his shift kept me from starving myself. I threw on an oversized hoodie and some jeans before shoving my feet into a pair of flip flops and making my way down the stairs. My knees cracked as I took each step, my whole body seeming to pop and stretch at the sudden change of pace. I had been cooped up in my room all day, spending most of those hours either asleep or hunched over my desk rearranging my calendar.

I continued on to the cafeteria, and once their shuffled myself through the line grabbing a slice of pizza and a handful of carrot sticks before taking up residence at one of the corner tables.

I munched on my food in silence, not feeling particularly social at the moment. A few faces I recognized eventually occupied the seats at the far end of the table, but I never acknowledged them. I wondered briefly if _she _would be here. Maybe. I lifted my curious gaze to study the various faces. I absentmindedly twirled a piece of gold hair around my fingers, tugging at the fine hairs whenever I would happen upon the face of Drake's potential mate. I knew I was being stupid...masochistic at best, but I guess jealousy did that to people.

I didn't ever remember a time when I had seen Drake spending time with anyone in particular. He was a nice guy, and I knew that he was friendly with most everyone... it could be any of them.

I knew most of the faces that my jealous mindset pointed out as 'available'. All of them were nice, pretty in their own way. Some had blue eyes, like Drake's. Some had darker features, some were blonde. Some were tall, some were short. And every face I passed, every almost shifter I looked upon made the realization that I would never have him more and more prominent.

He loved someone else. _Loved. _Because that is what his tattoo symbolizes, what all shifter tattoos symbolize. Eternal and undying devotion. I mean, their have been cases where the male shifter has been wrong, but Drake wasn't the fickle kind of guy that would prematurely decide to have his body so permanently marked unless his heart had already undergone such a permanent change.

Connor had been wrong. Connor had chosen Lindsey first, but now he was with Brittany. And, like my parents, their relationship was rare. Brittany was human, and Connor was a shifter. I guess, when I was younger, I looked up to them in a way. And, I still do. I always hoped that I could be as lucky as Brittany. The Elders never told her she was human, they kept it from her. I was always curious as to why they would go on letting her think she was a shifter when she wasn't. And when those thoughts cross my mind I am almost thankful that the elders had told me when I was younger, thankful that they had given me time to learn to accept the fact that I would never change...even if it wasn't something I had come to yet accept.

Brittany has always been very kind to me. They say, that even though she can't shift, she has the 'heart' of a wolf. Sometimes, I wonder if it's possible that _I_ could possess such a heart. A heart equal to that of a wolf. A heart worthy of the title of Dark Guardian. Because, that was my ultimate dream. To be included, to accomplish something in this world of shifters.

One could dream, I suppose.

I sighed, dropping my face to my half eaten dinner. I wasn't so hungry anymore and so, feeling a new brand of hopeless, discarded my unfinished meal and made my exit.

0~0~0~0~0

I stayed in my room for the rest of the night, attempting to check in once more with Lucas, but to no avail. I was met with only static, just as before.

I kicked off my shoes and exchanged my jeans for pajama shorts, crawling into bed. I tucked my face underneath the comforter, thinking...just...thinking. About Brittany and Connor, about their relationship, about my future, about Drake...about Drake's future, about _who_ Drake had chosen to share such a future with. I wanted to cry, but I didn't think it was worth it anymore. I didn't think I deserved him that way, so why should I have ever let myself picture it? A life with him... a future of happiness with my best friend.

And then I wondered if we could continue to be friends anymore. After knowing how I feel about him, could I watch him stand up and declare someone else as his mate? Could I watch him get married and have a family... no. And not just because it would kill me to do so, because he would one day realize that a relationship with me, even a platonic one, was not worth the effort.

All these thoughts had me feeling so ... on edge. I felt so unsettled, like I couldn't sit still. I was worried, about ... everything. Lucas not answering his phone, Drake's mate, my lack of a future here. I shivered, balling my fingers into fists.

I tried calling Lucas again.

Nothing.

I knew protocol. I knew what I was supposed to do if I suspected something was wrong. I was supposed to go to second in command. But, second in command was with Lucas. And if something were wrong with Lucas, Rafe would have had to call it in.

It was worth a shot.

So I grabbed my Walkie Talkie from the nightstand, changing the frequency to Rafe's channel, I spoke. "Logan to Rafe, over." The static on the other end crackled, and I thought I could make out one or two voices, but they were very quiet, very indistinguishable. "Logan to Rafe, over." I repeated in the hopes of procuring a response from him. The line was silent, still. I paused, one moment, two moments. And then my Walkie Talkie buzzed. "Rafe to Lo-" But then it cut off. I called him back once more, but to no avail.

I sighed, even more unsettled than I had been before. There were not many spots within our hiking grounds that the Walkie Talkie's lost service, and I knew for a fact that where they were hiking wouldn't interfere with any sort of signal. Something was wrong.

And at the very least I had to notify one of the Dark Guardians. I contemplated phoning Connor, but knew that he was leading his own group out in the opposite direction. They weren't far from Wolford, for a Wolf that is. And I knew that there were at least two Dark Guardians here at the moment. Seth and... Drake.

I shoved my feet into my hiking boots, not bothering to change out of my pajama shorts as I all but raced out of the room. I hooked my Walkie Talkie to the front pocket of my hooded sweatshirt and had a death grip on my phone.

Shift change was going on, or would be in the next minute or so. I had to catch someone and fast, that someone preferably Seth.

I all but ran down the stairs, tripping just once near the bottom, but righting myself immediately. My reflexes had never been so spot on; I blamed it on the pumping adrenaline.

By the time I had reached the front doors, I had earned myself a few worried glances from the various bodies moving throughout the hallways. One or two asked if I was alright, but I just brushed them off with a quick 'fine', my goal of reaching Seth my only focus at the present moment.

By the time I had pushed myself through the large, wooden doors I could tell that I was early and that thought calmed me the slightest of fractions. I spotted a few prowling wolves near the entrance as they stopped momentarily to stare at me. I knew that they could read my thoughts in this form and so instructed one of them to send me a Dark Guardian. Almost immediately a brown shaggy wolf let out a low howl, trotting off into the distance. The sound echoed through me, sending my heart into a flurry of activity. I wanted to return the call, however strange that might sound, but refrained from such an activity and waited, however patiently I could, for someone to be found.

When a member of the pack is thought to be in supposed danger or a situation of the like, protocol is simply to alert the first in command and await further instruction. When first and second command are thought to be in danger, matters are to be taken to any available Dark Guardian, and if a Dark Guardian is momentarily inaccessible, then the Elders are alerted.

Our pack leader wasn't answering his Walkie Talkie, and neither was second in command. The remaining wolves immediately perked up as the thought passed through my head, baring their teeth slightly. They were on edge now, alert because of what I had disclosed. The wolves both let out similar howls and immediately I heard the soft, rapid padding of paws on soft ground and a rusty brown wolf I recognized to be Seth was standing in front of me, Drake beside him in human form.

"We have a situation." I disclosed immediately, dragging my eyes away from Drake's pale eyes to Seth's brown. "Lucas isn't answering any calls. And neither is Rafe." Seth nodded. "I don't know why, but I feel like something is wrong." Drake gave me a funny look, but nodded. He looked to Seth then, giving him instructions and then Seth was off, running toward the campsite.

Drake turned back to me, but my eyes strayed from his, not wanting to see him. Not needing my already worried mind to become clouded with thoughts of him. Not wanting my mindset to become overwhelmed and consumed with the idea of whom that tattoo on his back could possibly be for. I didn't need that kind of distraction right now; I didn't need that kind of pain.

I felt his warm fingers brush the length of my jaw, and my eyes snapped to his, my skin tingling softly where his flesh met my own.

"Logan?" He wondered, his eyes blazing with curiosity. I gave him a confused look, but before I could respond a piercing howl echoed around us. Drake's eyes snapped toward the woods and in a flash he was on his knees. I thought he was going to transform, so I turned my head away, allowing him the necessary privacy. And when I turned back he was a wolf, dark and glorious, and beautiful and ... I stopped that line of thought shaking my head.

In the following moments more howls were made, and if I listened hard enough, if I closed my eyes I could almost feel, I could almost understand what each one was conveying. Because every howl, faint or distinguishable, had meaning. A wolf may howl at the moon for no purpose, but a shifter never did.

"Someone's hurt." The voice startled me, and when I turned my eyes toward the space where wolf-Drake once occupied, I found human Drake, once more clothed in only a pair of cargo shorts.

"Hurt?" I breathed, Goosebumps running up my arms. _Hurt? _But if they were hurt ... then they would just transform to heal... our bodies have immense healing capabilities. So if someone was hurt badly enough to need medical attention... than they weren't a shifter.

"One of the campers?" Drake wondered, as if reading my own thoughts. I snapped my head to him, had he read my thoughts? No. Only true mates could read one another's thoughts... I was imagining things.

And once the shock of his question wore off I knew he was wrong. It wasn't a camper that was hurt; they would have called that in immediately. No... it was a novice.

_Lily._

"Lily." I breathed, more panicked now than ever. My sister, my twin.

Drake gave me a weary look. And I knew... I knew it was her. Call it intuition...twintuition... whatever. I just knew something was wrong. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream.

"Lily..." I chocked, the word coming out as a jumbled sob. I wanted to collapse to the ground. Our relationship may have been strained, tainted at best … but she was still my sister. And no amount of jealousy, no amount of animosity I had ever felt toward her could negate that fact. I loved her, and she was in pain. I just knew it.

I felt a pair of strong arms around me then, feeling weak as my knees gave out. I leaned my face into his warm neck, the familiar perfume of his musky skin calming me as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Shush." His voice lulled me into a calm that I couldn't have obtained or found on my own. I gripped him tighter, sniffling as his hands rubbed at my cloth covered back.

"How far out are they?" I wondered quietly, enjoying the faint patterns his fingers drew against my back and at the base of my neck. I knew I should pull away, should distance myself from him. But this felt so right, it felt so perfect. He was my friend, and I could be selfish and enjoy the closeness I had with him while I still could. His ministrations seemed to pause momentarily, his fingers moving from my back to my hair as he gently ran his fingers through the crazed strands. I glanced up at him with glassy eyes, willing him to answer my question.

"Sixty miles or so. Seth was on his way the last time I checked." His pale blue eyes looked worriedly down into my own emerald irises.

"She will be okay." His voice willed me to believe the words, as he once more tucked my head into the crook of his neck.

I think, in that moment, I fell even more in love with him than I already had been. I think, in that moment, my heart broke just a tiny bit more, realizing, once again, the fact that I would never have him the way I truly wanted. That his arms around me were nothing more than a one time gesture of comfort, that he had chosen someone else, and that that girl would be able to call these arms home. I was just a temporary resident.

Eventually he sat down, pulling me with him as we leaned against the stone steps of the main building, waiting for their return. Drake had instructed another guard to notify the elders and to alert the infirmary. We didn't know the extent of the injuries, just that they were existent.

We waited there for what seemed like days when, in truth, it was only a few hours. Drake held me the entire time, and his nearness seemed to calm my racing heart, I thought I was going to be sick when we finally caught our first glimpse of them.

Lucas was at the head of the group, Rafe just behind him. Austin was carrying Lily, bridal style and Seth was beside him steadying her legs.

I immediately stood, Drake following close behind. Lucas gave me a look as he made his way past me. "You did good, kid." He whispered, moving past me to hold the door open.

I nodded, stepping closer to Austin. "How is she?" I wondered, looking down at my sister for the first time. She was crying softly, her face buried in the crook of his neck as her torso shook.

"She fell. We think her left femur is broken in two places." Seth answered; Austin gave me a pained look, his own eyes smoothed over with tears. He was so worried for her.

"Lily." I breathed, reaching out to grab her hand in my own. And for the briefest of moments I felt her pain, and it was crippling.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, tasting the saltiness as my own tears made their way down my cheeks. I felt Drake behind me then, felt as he wrapped a strong arm around my waist and whispered soft reassurances into my ear. He pulled me away from my twin, reminding me that she needed to get her leg put in a cast.

And when Austin disappeared through the door, Seth trailing close behind, I fell apart. I sunk to my knees, feeling Drake behind me as he too fell with me, holding me.

I wrapped my arms around my chest, the guilt of seven years of jealousy and distance puling me under a wave of hysterics.

"This is all my fault." I whispered, sobbing in an uncontrollable fashion. I wanted to go with her, to be there for her, to help her. Because she deserved that from me. I had hated her, been so blinded by jealousy for what she would become that I had wasted seven years with my sister.

"This is all my fault." I repeated, leaning my head back into Drake's chest.

"Shush, Lo. Novices are resilient, their bodies heal faster than a normal human." I nodded, taking comfort in the fact that she would heal faster, quicker even if it were just minutely different from the healing capabilities of a human.

"She needs me." I spoke after a few moments. Drake nodded, helping me to stand. "Do you want me to go with you?" Drake wondered aloud. And I didn't stop to think of the consequences of whatever response I would give.

I just nodded my head, relishing in the feel of his arms around my waist as he led me up the steps and into the building.

0~0~0~0~0

I don't know how long I sat in the little make shift waiting room, but it was long enough to make me go crazy with worry. I don't know how many times I pulled out my cell to check the time, I don't know how many times I stood just to pace for a few moments, before sitting back down. I couldn't begin to fathom how many times I longingly stared at the door, waiting for someone to emerge from beyond its confines to tell me that my sister was all right. That she was okay.

I must have chewed my nails down to indistinguishable nubs because at some point, me teeth met flesh not nail. Drake pulled my hands away from my mouth, wrapping his fingers around my own and resting them in his lap. I gave him my best half-hearted attempt at a grateful smile, but I couldn't muster even the smallest fraction of a positive response because my twin was lying in pain just beyond that stupid, metal and glass door.

Austin was worse off than me though; he was sitting opposite me, a complete and total mess of frustrating growls and teary eyes. I wanted to ask him what happened, but I couldn't find the will to voice such a question, and I didn't want to be cruel by reminding him that the reason for his existence was in pain.

Moments passed, and at one point both Drake and Austin noticeably cringed and a piercing scream sliced through the air. Austin jolted out of his seat, moving toward the door. I gave Drake a scared, questioning look.

"They had to reset the bone." He whispered, aware of Austin's frantic form.

"The doctor's coming." Austin whispered after a moment and soon enough Doctor Shandry emerged carrying a clipboard.

"She's in a cast, and she's going to be alright." He spoke, taking the edge off of all our nerves. "But, she's lost a lot of blood." Austin immediately volunteered his services, holding out his wrist as if it were the key to saving Lily, and it very well could be.

"She's type B positive." Austin looked dejected as he dropped his wrist. "I'm A." He whispered. The doctor looked toward me, but I didn't know what to tell her. I had no idea what blood type I was.

"I don't know what type I am." I responded, but stood, pulling Drake up with me. She nodded. "Would you like to be tested?" I nodded, following her as she led me back into the infirmary.

Austin and Drake followed closely behind me as Dr. Shandry led the way. "Wouldn't they have the same blood type because they are twins?" Drake wondered aloud, taking a seat beside me as the Doctor moved about the room gathering a few necessary supplies.

"If they were identical twins they would have the same blood type, because they would share the same DNA. But they are not identical, and so she has the same chance of sharing the same blood type as Lily as any other siblings would." Drake nodded, squeezing my fingers as the doctor stuck the needle into the inside of my elbow.

She filled a tiny vile with the thick, red liquid before pulling the needle away from my skin and slapping a Sponge Bob Band-Aid over the incision.

"Give me a few moments." She responded, moving around the room.

"You're A." She spoke after a few moments, and I sighed audibly frustrated as I shared a look with Austin.

"What type of blood did you say she was?" Drake spoke after a moment. "B positive." Dr. Shandry concluded.

"Alright," He held out his arm, giving me a slight smile. "Take all the blood she needs." He whispered. And I was shocked as Dr. Shandry smiled and led him back to the room. I followed close behind, my own astonished smile set about my face.

"You would do that...for her?" Austin wondered, as the Doctor pushed through a few doors.

Drake nodded.

"Of course, I know how much she means to you." He answered, his eyes never leaving mine.

0~0~0~0~0

_A/N: Alrighty! I know that I am late. But, I did it on purpose! See, I'm going to be out of town from tomorrow (the 25th) through August second, and I won't be able to update while I'm gone. So, I wanted to wait till the last possible minute to update so that you didn't have to wait for so long for the next update. I promise to update this story on August 3rd (a Tuesday) with the next chapter. I'm sorry for the inconvenience._

_Thanks to everyone who reviews, I really appreciate the feedback!_

_~Lauren_


	11. Apologies

~ **Chapter Nine **~

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The thrumming rhythm kept constant more than just the quiet _tap tap_ of fingernails against plastic. She had been hooked up to a heart monitor after the doctor had supplied her with a healthy dose of pain medication. She had broken the upper portion of her femur, splintering the bone where the break was located just two inches below her hip socket. Her cast was blue.

This fact annoyed me the most though. Which, of course, sounds entirely absurd. I mean, why would the color of one's bandages bother a person? The bandages were not even mine, I wasn't the one lying in pain deep enough to require an IV drip of morphine. And yet, the dark blue color was what seemed most bothersome at the moment.

"Lily hates blue." I supplied, speaking to no one in particular even though two other bodies occupied the cramped space.

Lily had always hated blue. She was a girl after all, and all girls liked pink. At least, this was her reasoning for refusing to wear her flower-girl dress when our Aunt Catherine got married. We were instructed to walk down the isle, scattering cerulean and cream petals about the walking space. I was thrilled with the whole idea of it, getting to throw things and have my name in the program that all the guests received. I thought that surely I was famous, and that Lily and I _had _to be the most important people in the service itself. Lily seemed excited as well, loving any opportunity to dress up and wear her 'nice' shoes. Of course, when we were first fitted in the dresses themselves, Lily took one look at the powder blue gowns and deemed them unfit.

_'Mommy.'_ She had started, standing beside me and glaring at the plastic covered gown hanging on the door back. 'I will not wear that, it's blue. Blue is a boy color.' She seemed entirely serious at the time, and I was not one to comment back then, agreeing automatically with whatever my twin said.

Of course, times changed. Our growth apart over the years proved that much. For all I knew, blue could have been Lily's absolute favorite colors. In fact, it would be quite possible that she had requested the color herself and that I was just providing further evidence of the effects of our mutual distance.

I scowled inwardly at that thought. Mutual. Yea right. More like decided difference. It wasn't a mutual choice. It wasn't a mutual _anything_. I had done all the deciding back then, I was the one that pulled away. Confused and hurt over a situation that was completely out of my hands. Completely out of my control.

I was hurt, but that wasn't an excuse to mark Lily as my enemy. Of course, some distance was to be expected, on my part due to jealousy, and on Lily's part due to... to...

Nothing.

It was my entire fault. My fault that I pushed us apart, my fault that I convinced myself she hated me, that everyone hated me. My fault for creating a life of pain and loneliness. It was my fault that I didn't even know my sister's favorite color.

My own sister.

My twin.

I was pathetic.

I reached my hand up to the bedside, running my fingers along the plastic guardrail that kept her in place. I wanted to reach out and hold her hand, to offer her reassurance that she deserved. I wanted to apologize; I wanted a second chance to go back, to change how I handled things. I wanted to feel like her sister and not like someone I saw in passing.

"I'm so sorry. "I whispered under my breath, not trusting my voice as my foggy eyes took in her hurt form.

She had fallen; the details provided offered me a vague idea of how it all went down. I knew for a fact that she had to have been alone, because Austin would have never let anything happen to her, he never left her side. She had fallen off a short cliff maybe? A rock or something sharp would have been the only explanation for the break and the large gash that adorned her pale skin.

She had to have one hundred and thirty stitches after they reset the bones. Her resulting screams seemed to be on constant replay in my distressed mind.

"She's going to be okay, Lo." I didn't bother to look up. I didn't bother to react. I was so lost, so confused about everything that had occurred since my first night at Wolford. Besides, I knew that voice better than I think I knew my own. I could describe the mere tone of that voice fifty different ways. Drake. I didn't have to look up because I knew that he was only feet away from me, his own arm hooked up to an IV that was running through a tube and into my sister's arm. I didn't have to look up because I knew that I would see those reassuring gray-blue irises and fall apart all over again. And, although the stream of running tears seemed constant, I knew that I couldn't afford another break down. I knew that I didn't deserve to cry when Lily was the one sitting here in unfathomable pain.

I felt his hand at my back, his warm palm fanning across my shoulders, and the pads of his thumb tickling the skin at the base of my neck. The reassurance, the comfort that came with that touch was indescribably helpful in keeping me calm, in keeping me sane. I was the furthest I could possibly be from sanity at this point.

I was a horrible person. In essence and in fact. I pushed people away, I hurt them, led them to believe that they had hurt me. I ignored the people who tried to help; I took kindness as pity and turned away hands that reached to help and to reassure. I was cold hearted, and this fact was all but solidified when realizations of my past discretions were brought to light over and over again in my subconscious. Pictures of Lily and I as children, happy and friendly were tainted with pictures of broken bodies and empty conversations. Tainted with distance and regret, both on my part.

I was a monster for what I did to her. Why couldn't I just learn to accept my life and my situation? Why couldn't I have taken it in stride and learned to move on?

I sighed, learning into Drake's touch as more tears left salted drips on my throat and my cotton t-shirt.

"It's all my fault." I whimpered, squeezing my eyelids shut in an effort to stifle the flowing evidence.

The chair beside me squeaked with the effort of plastic against tile as warm breath met my cheek. His nearness begging for recognition that I was not willing to allow. I didn't want him to see me like this; I didn't deserve his kindness or his reassurance. It wasn't about pity for him; I knew that, he thought he was doing the right thing by being there for me. That was what best friend's did for each other. But Drake didn't deserve me as best friend, he deserved someone far better, far kinder, far less volatile.

Not that I wasn't grateful for what he was doing for Lily. Because what he was giving her, his blood, meant more to me than anything anyone had ever bestowed upon me in my lifetime. And although the gesture was not made in my favor, I was still extremely humbled and all together awe inspired by his kindness. I didn't deserve him. I loved him, but I didn't deserve him.

"Lo, look at me." His voice was littered with pain, whether that be from the pressure of the needle in the soft flesh of his inner elbow or from my obvious distance I was not sure. So I shook my head, ducking my face to my lap, curling my shoulders inward.

But he was having none of that as he dragged his left palm from it's resting place at my back to trace along my shoulder blades and then to finally cup my chin, tilting it towards his face.

I kept my eyes downcast, resulting in a disgruntled sigh to escape his lips.

"Logan, this not your fault. This is no one's fault, it was an accident, and unfortunate one of course, but an accident nonetheless." His reasoning, although completely plausible, had little to no effect on suppressing the overwhelming bout of guilt that I now harbored on my shoulders. Guilt for everything, all of my past decisions, all of the cruel confusion and jealously that had led to this moment.

I wanted to respond to him, I wanted to open my mouth and speak the words that were bubbling in the backs of my teeth, the words that were fighting to come to fruition, but I remained silent. Motionless, save for the gesture of placing the crown of my head to his shoulder, to rest it there. Because although I didn't deserve his friendship, his kindness, or his love, he deserved mine and I wasn't about to ignore him when he was being so obviously caring toward me.

_I love you. _I thought to him, breathing deeply as the continuous 'beeps' of Lily's heart monitor lulled me into a restless, dreamless slumber.

0~0~0~0~0

I woke up some time later to three successive taps atop my skull. Three gentle taps from fingers that I had once been familiar with but I now considered no more than foreign.

"Lo Lo." I smiled gently at the nickname. The two syllables bringing back memories of a happy childhood and memories of friendship and silly horseplay. A time of best friends and sisters. A time nearly a decade ago when I smiled everyday and not once every few weeks.

"Lilypad." I whispered back, my voice chocked with over-shed tears. I hadn't called her that since we were five, but I knew that saying the name, offering the reassurance that she deserved was the right thing to do. I didn't deserve her forgiveness, but that didn't mean that I didn't hope for it.

"What time is it, Lo Lo?" I shook my head, bringing my palm to my cheek and rubbing the 'sleep' from my eyes. I glanced at the clock on the far wall. "Half past seven." I answered, folding my arms and leaning them against the mattress beside her. I didn't meet her eyes, my own irises traveling the length of her dark cast. I couldn't face her the way I hoped to. Not like this.

"Hmm." She murmured reaching across her torso to procure a cup of ice chips that sat on her bedside table.

"The doctor came in a little bit ago, she wanted my permission to start another morphine drip... for the pain." I nodded; still not looking at her face, knowing that when I did the tears would start back up again.

"I told them no. I mean, my leg hurts Lo... but... I wanted to talk." I nodded once more, preparing myself to go fetch Austin if that's what she wished for. I made to push back my plastic roll-around chair, but her pale fingers encircled my own and held me in place.

"I wanted to talk to you, Logan." She spoke, and my gaze shot to meet hers. Her usually deep caramel eyes were filled with sadness and maybe a flickering or to of pain. I didn't want her to be hurting.

"If your leg hurts you should take the drip." I offered my advice half-heartedly because; I too wanted to speak to her, to apologize for everything I had put her through.

"It's tolerable." She assured, motioning for me to take my former seat.

I did as I was instructed, dragging the plastic across the floor and resuming my resting place against the side of her bed. I took a moment to notice that we were alone, that not even Drake accompanied me anymore. I hoped that he had retired to his room for some well-deserved rest; I knew that donating blood was draining and he had given Lily a substantial amount.

"When did they leave?" I inquired, hoping to distract her with my small talk. I had no idea how to say to her what I needed to. I wanted to clear the air between us, I wanted a fresh start, but I didn't know how to procure one.

"Austin is filling out some paper work and talking with Lucas, he left about ten minutes or so ago." I nodded, pulling my trapped hand away from hers, offering her some space and allowing myself some room to gather my thoughts.

"Your boy left about a half hour or so ago. They woke me up when it was time to remove the blood drip." I cringed a bit at her reference to Drake. He was everything _but_ 'my boy'.

"He's not mine." I stated, hoping to get that point across fairly quickly. There would be no fairy tale ending for me, I would not have a prince charming, I would never have an 'Austin'. And that was something I forced myself to accept last night, along with a lot of other circumstances.

She quirked a brow at me a moment, before resting her arms across her stomach in a relaxed sort of gesture. She spoke. "Regardless, Lo. What he did for me was beyond generous. And I have to believe my unfortunate situation wasn't the only factor in his deciding to donate nearly a liter of blood. The way he looks at you-" I held up a hand, the gesture meant to express the uncharted territory she was stepping into.

"He looks at me the way any other guy does. Indifferently." She smirked a bit at that confession, but when I didn't respond in kind she frowned.

"He's worried about you. He had his arms wrapped around you when I woke up. He has ink on his back, Logan." She pointed out and it was like another stab to my already sore heart. I wanted to yell at her, to beg her to stop but yelling at her would only add more to apologize for. I had filled that quota a thousand times over and I didn't want to be more of a disappointment than I already was.

"I know. But it's irrelevant because it's not my name." She opened her mouth as if to say something, but I cut her off once more. "You and I both know that you can't prove otherwise. You can't read the tattoo; you don't know what it says. Only the guys know how to decipher the complicated lettering." She pursed her lips, her chin wobbling as if she was fighting back a rebuff but she seemed to think better of it because she just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You're delusional." She stated, highlighting her words with a sisterly glare. At least that's how I interpreted the gesture.

"Whatever." I retorted in a juvenile fashion, fighting the urge to stick my tongue out at her. That would be wholly inappropriate seeing as we weren't five and we... well we weren't that close.

A silence formed between the two of us. Neither making the effort to start up another branch of pointless conversation, or another brand of small talk. I wanted to bring up the big issue, but I didn't know how. So the elephant continued to sit un-addressed in the small room.

"I tripped." She finally offered, tentatively resting her hand atop her cast. She smirked to herself for just a moment.

"What?" I wondered, staring at the pale bed sheets, not knowing how to respond to such a statement.

"I tripped. That's what happened to earn me hospitalization for the next two weeks." I moved to stare at her bandaged leg, nodding steadily.

She shifted a bit on the bed and I sat upright, moving my hands to hover over her in case she needed help retrieving something, but she just seemed to be making herself more comfortable.

"It seems wholly anticlimactic, doesn't it?" She laughed to herself, clenching her jaw when a particular movement caused her noticeable pain. "I mean, couldn't I have been attacked by a cougar or fallen off a cliff face? Something much cooler than tripping and managing to land across a fallen log." I didn't know where she was going with this, I didn't find the situation to be nearly as amusing as her attitude suggested.

"I'm rather glad you didn't get attacked by a cougar." I offered, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. I didn't want to think about her being hurt any worse than a broken, splintered bone and an unreasonable amount of stitching.

A cougar could have ripped her apart, could have _killed_ her. And then, surely, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Not being able to apologize, not being able to realize just how much I had hurt her until it would have been too late... it would have destroyed me.

"I'm so sorry." So I blurted it out, in a rather unimpressive fashion I'll acknowledge. I wanted to slap myself across the forehead for that show of brilliancy.

"Nah, it's not as horrible, and my transformation will mend it up nice and quick." She smiled gently at me.

I shook my head.

"Not about your leg... wait... of course I'm sorry about that, it's just. I ..." I sighed, dropping my head to my lap in frustration and running my fingers along the course bedding material. "I am sorry about everything, Lilypad. I screwed up." I wanted to elaborate. I needed to, but my speech block was preventing that at the moment.

I turned to look at her, seeing that her playful smile had turned into a tight line. She nodded, as if willing for me to continue.

"I... I shouldn't have pushed you away like I did. It.. it wasn't fair to you. And I'm sorry I hurt you, and I'm sorry for all the time we lost, but I want to make it up to you, I want to support you and be there for you if you'll let me.. I want.." And at this point I was just blabbing, everything I wanted to say to her coming out in an untidy and messy fashion. All the while the pursed line of her lips seemed to deepen, a noticeable frown becoming etched prominently in her rosy cheeks.

I was upsetting her. Again. Was I so useless that I couldn't even apologize decently?

"God...I'm so pathetic." I murmured to myself. Wishing more than ever that the earth would open up and swallow the entirety of my hopeless form whole.

We were both quiet after a moment, and I wondered if maybe I should just take my leave, let her be. Because she obviously was disgusted with me, and with all the realizations I had brought to light. All the evidence of my betrayal laid out in all its monstrous glory.

But she didn't order me away, and I didn't move to get up. And after what seemed like ages I felt the cool press her hand against my forearm and moved my gaze to meet hers.

"Logan, you're not pathetic." She offered, removing her hand and placing it back across her chest. "You're not pathetic, but you're right. You did hurt me." She pointed out, the frown still evident, although it seemed to have softened up a bit.

"I know, I'm complete shit for putting you through that." I acknowledged, feeling like such scum for having done that to my own twin.

"No. You're not shit. Don't belittle yourself like that, Lo Lo. It's not attractive." She poked at my forearm, gesturing for me to sit up. "Listen. What you did hurt me, yes, but it wasn't anything that I didn't expect." She expected me to hurt her? That was comforting. Now I was the one frowning, confusion over her words leading me to frustration.

"You expected me to hurt you?" I wondered, needing clarification that she had in fact implied such a fact. She shook her head.

"Yes and no. I mean, I expected the distance. And the distance I knew would lead to the hurt. But... I mean... not being able to shift... I would have probably retreated in the same fashion. I would have hated you, envied you for your luck. And I'm not saying that you're jealous, because that would be entirely too pretentious of me, but I know that you resented that you weren't offered the same situation as me." She took a deep breath, once more clenching her jaw as if fighting off a pain.

"Do you want me to get the doctor?" I wondered, prepared to press the call button that rested against the near wall.

"No, no. It's good that we're talking about this." She patted the bed next to her, as if the gesture would keep me rooted to the chair.

"Alright."

"I know you're sorry, and I get that...I'm glad you apologized and that you seem to have come to a place where you can maybe tolerate a relationship with me. Even if it's in it's most basic form. I just.. I missed you, Logan. I really did." She smiled at me, resting her palm against the hair at the crown of my scalp.

"Of course." I reassured, reaching for her hand and squeezing her fingers in mine.

"And...I'm sorry too. If I could I would give up my ability to shift so that you could have it... I know what the elder's said must have put you through hell these past seven years...and I didn't want to push you by forcing you to open up or talk about it until you were ready. And although it sucks that I have a broken leg... I'm glad that it may have been a factor in bringing about such an acceptance of circumstance within yourself. You deserve to be happy, Logan. Even in a life without shifting, you deserve the best." I was practically bawling then, my face seeming to drown in a waterfall of cascading tears. I squeezed her fingers so tightly that I caused her to yelp out in pain, she swatted at my face in retaliation and I laughed...laughed with my sister for the first time in nearly a decade.

"I love you, Logan." She whispered, reaching once more for my hand.

"I love you too, Lily."

0~0~0~0~0

_A/N: Alrighty, so I'm back! California was fun, but I'm glad to be home :) Hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you on Friday! Also big thanks to all who review, I am so humbled by all the amazing compliments and the number of reviews I have for this story. Hope everyone had a great week!_


	12. Arguments

~ **Chapter Ten** ~

In the days following our heart-to-heart, I found myself becoming more and more comfortable around my sister. I knew it to be true that I had never stopped loving Lily. Although my circumstances had led to some pretty heavy consequences, I had held her status as both twin and family atop a rather significant, subconscious pedestal.

Realistically I knew that one conversation wouldn't fix things between us. There had been a lot of hurt, misunderstanding, and pain on both our parts. I knew that we were both at fault for our falling apart, at least that's what Lily attempted to convince me of, but I would always hold myself the primary instigator.

I don't know how long we ended up talking for that night. We discussed topics both consequential and totally obsolete. The discourse went more along the lines of two old friends reconnecting, than two twins torn apart due to unfortunate circumstances.

Eventually the pain in Lily's leg became too much of a distraction, and after calling the nurse, in order to procure another morphine drip, my sister had settled herself in for a mid-morning nap.

It was now eleven thirty, and instead of heading toward the cafeteria to join the rest of Wolford's inhabitants in the indulgence of undercooked steak I was pacing the floor of the infirmary waiting room, staring at the meager vending machine offerings.

It wasn't as if I was attempting to avoid anything or anyone by choosing to not enjoy my normal meal in the presence of the rest of the shifter community, it was only the fact that I would have to leave the infirmary in order to get there. And leaving the hospital wing meant leaving Lily, and I just couldn't bring myself to be away from her. Not after all that I had put her through these past seven years.

So after a few more moments of contemplation I settled on a more-than-likely, stale Pop-Tart and dragged my lethargic form back to the cramped hospital room, and back to my sleeping sister and her ever-present mate.

"Bring me anything?" Austin questioned upon my arrival. I quirked an eyebrow at him, pulling apart the foil wrapper of my snack.

"Just my smiling face." I remarked, breaking off a piece of the strawberry tart and handing it to him.

He laughed quietly to himself, practically inhaling it. I gave him an incredulous look, but offered no comment.

I couldn't say that Austin and I were particularly close. In fact, I couldn't say I knew him that well at all. Things between Lily and Austin seemed to happen so fast, and in the midst of our mutual separation. I don't know if I had a specific opinion about him as a person, and I didn't think that I was particularly qualified to have an opinion of him because, in truth, I hadn't spoken more than ten words to him in the past.

So, sitting here with him would seem like a good opportunity, but I didn't think it my place. Lily had made her choice long ago, and it was more than obvious that Austin's intentions were to make and keep her happy. She deserved that kind of love, and if he could offer it to her, who was I to question or comment? Who was I to stand in the way?

So, I played nice. I was as polite as our situation called for. I didn't question him about his intentions with my sister, and he didn't comment on my static status.

I'd say we got along fairly well.

"You know, she doesn't expect you to be here 24/7." I turned my face toward him. I didn't exactly appreciate that comment. She was my sister after all.

I voiced that fact. "She's my sister." He shrugged, as if my reasoning meant nothing. I shook my head, turning my face back to Lily. She snored a bit and I chuckled a bit at that.

"She's not angry at you, Logan. And I'm sure she'd rather have you visiting because you wanted to and not because you felt obligated." I ducked my face to the floor, my cheeks heating with anger at the truth of his words.

"I don't really she'd appreciate you speaking for her." I snapped. The gesture was juvenile, but I could care less. I was here, and that was the important part. Of course I felt guilty, but I also wanted to make sure she was okay.

"I'm not so much as speaking for her as repeating her inner-musings." He tapped his temple, before proceeding to drag a lethargic finger along the length of her jaw. Lily smiled in her sleep, curling herself towards where Austin sat patiently at her side.

He was referring to his ability to read her mind. And I felt stupid for not making the connection with his first few comments. Of course, I had no way of knowing if that's what Lily was actually thinking or feeling, but I couldn't exactly call him a liar.

So I just stayed silent.

Lily stirred only moments later, mumbling a lethargic 'Austin', before stretching out her arms like a cat in the sun and letting out a rather unladylike sigh.

The smile on Austin's face was enough to make me queasy. He leaned over her pale form, resting his lips to her cheek. Her own smile alighted her face and she blinked open her eyes.

"Hey." She breathed, lifting her hand from it's resting place on her stomach and moving to cup his cheek.

They were so in love, and my earlier annoyance with Austin vanished with one look at how happy Lily was. I couldn't deny that he was a good, if not perfect, match for her.

When she finally looked away from him, long enough to take in the rest of her surroundings, she spoke a greeting. "Hi, Logan." I gave her a tight lipped smile, wanting to ask her if she was alright, but fearing that maybe Austin was right, that maybe I was being a bit overbearing.

"How are you?" I settled for generic small talk, in the conversation that followed I learned that she was 'Doing fine.' and that her leg was a bit sore. Austin immediately jumped into action, pressing the call button for another morphine drip.

"How long have you been here?" Lily questioned, once the nurse had switched the bags. I knew the medicine would make her sleepy, but she seemed as bright eyed as ever at the moment.

I sat beside her, instructing her to turn with a flick of my wrist. Her brown hair fell in tangles around her shoulders so I grabbed a comb from the side table and dragged the teeth through her knotted curls.

"Since you fell asleep." Lily seemed surprised by my answer, but didn't remark. I continued to brush, dragging the comb through mahogany waves until I had her hair parted in three separate sections. I proceeded to plait it.

She laughed a bit once she realized what I was doing. "We haven't done each other's hair since we were little girls." She commented, for my benefit or for Austin's I wasn't sure, but I smiled in like.

"Yes, remember when you went through your Pocahontas phase and you _had _to have your hair in braids." Her cheeks darkened at bit, but with a wave of her hand the comment was dismissed.

"I don't seem to recall." She stated, shifting her weight carefully so as not to wrench at her leg. "Besides," She continued, tipping her head back so that I could see her teasing expression. "I seem to remember a certain sister who wanted to be just like Cinderella and would go around singing 'A dream is a wish your heart makes' at every chance she got." It was my turn to brush; I gave a gentle tug on her hair, smiling as she playfully stuck her tongue out at me.

The whole exchange was something common of our relationship seven years. Playful banter and teasing, laughing, giving makeovers... it was nostalgic, but almost didn't seem real. The thought that I had lost so much of my time with her made me sad, made me feel like crying.

"And do you remember when you asked dad if he could be your 'Prince Charming'?" She practically snorted when she finished her sentence and I just shook my tomato painted face at her antics.

Austin was laughing right along with her, his eyes no longer seeming drained and worried but alight at the sight of his mate's jubilance.

"Whatever." I sneered playfully, twisting a rubber band around the ends of the plait to keep it in place and out of her face. She reached back when I had finished, her fingers running over the grooves and planes of her mane.

"Just like old times." She mused, situating herself back into her former position, she laid her head against the plush pillows. After the laughter seemed to dwindle to a stop, Lily mentioned that she was hungry and Austin immediately stood up, professing that he would bring back a tray of 'her favorites' from the cafeteria.

"Take your time." She said, blowing him a kiss as he walked out the door. I watched the whole exchange with sad eyes. Sad, because it was just an example of something I didn't feel I would ever to share in, further proof of how much I was missing out on. It sucked not having a mate, but I didn't want to make Lily feel awkward for being playful with her boyfriend. That just wouldn't have been fair.

So I waited for her to initiate a conversation. I didn't exactly know what to talk about, and quite frankly I would open up with something fairly stupid and offend her on the spot.

I tucked a piece of fallen hair behind my ear, thinking briefly of how I longed for a shower and a change of fresh clothes.

"Are you hanging out with Drake later?" She wondered aloud after a moment or so. Not exactly the opener I was going for, in fact, discussing Drake was something I wanted to avoid all together, as she seemed to think we were 'more' than what I insisted we were. I didn't want to give life to a hope that would inevitably die.

"Uh, I wasn't planning on it." I answered with a shrug, hoping to send her a 'change-the-subject' sort of vibe. She gave me a look that I chose to blatantly ignore.

"Why not?" I watched as she leaned herself forward, resting elbows to thighs and propping her chin in her folded palms. Her braid swung with the change of position, her short bangs falling into her face. She blew a breath of air along her forehead, the baby hairs scattering to either side of her forehead. The gesture made her appear so young. Just another teenage girl pining for gossip. I didn't have any to give to her.

"I don't know. I haven't talked to him since last night. I don't even know where he is." She gave me a quizzical look at my confession. "Don't you always know where he is? I mean, you two are practically joined at the hip." It was my turn to give her a confused look. What was she talking about? I hardly spent that much time with Drake... at least in the past week or so.

"I wouldn't go that far." I shrugged off the comment, because I did realize that we spent a lot of time together, but that was mainly during the school year. He had come over to my house, but not so often as to warrant a 'joined at the hip' label.

"Why not? You make it sound like such a bad thing." She laughed a bit at her comment. "I mean, I wouldn't mind someone observing that Austin and I spent so much time together, that we were 'joined at the hip'." Of course she wouldn't mind, Austin was her mate.

"It's to be expected of you two. So why would you think it weird?" She gave me an unhappy frown, not liking the evidence that counter acted her comment. "Whatever, Logan. It's expected of you two as well."

I scoffed at her. "Hardly."

"Whether you'll accept it or not, he's got ink, and I'm betting it's not for just anyone." I opened my mouth as if to contradict her, but she reached a tiny hand to cover mine. "I may not be able to read what that tattoo says, but Austin can." She pointed out.

I reached up my hand to tug on hers. "But he isn't allowed to tell you." I supplied, feeling somewhat satisfied with my small victory.

She just smirked at my words. "All I have to do is get him to think it." She declared, and I could see the wheels in her head turning, I could watch as she internally set a plan in motion. But the thought of her finding out that way made me angry, it felt underhanded, and unfair.

"That tattoo is Drake's business. And quite frankly, I want to be kept in the dark about it for as long as possible." I didn't like the idea of chastising Lily, but I swear she was relentless when she got an idea in her head. And her current idea was a relationship between Drake and I. Something I had dubbed impossible a long, long time ago.

"Even if it's you?" She questioned after a beat or so. I shook my head, eyes glaring a hole into the tiled floor.

"It's not me." I stated with what I hoped was finality.

"Why couldn't it be?" She pushed. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose, trying to keep my patience in tact. It wasn't as if I thought I was going to blow up at her, or yell, I just wanted to keep my emotions as even as possible. If I spoke too passionately about the subject or got too defensive she would know that I cared for him, far more than I should, and she would be fixated on bringing the two of us together.

"Because, I'm not a shifter." That seemed to shut her up. It seemed to stun me into silence as well. I had never spoken the words with such... honesty. It didn't even hurt to say them. It was the aftermath; the knowing how true, how much conviction was behind those words that cut the deepest.

"But what about Brittany, she's not..." I cut Lily's musings off. Trying to find loopholes wasn't going to prove me wrong. "Brittany and Connor's relationship is about as one in a million as things get." She shook her head at my rebuttal. "What about our parents, Lo? Mom is static!" She spoke, gesturing with a point of her finger as if she had found the perfect example.

"Fine. Two in a million." I relented, but it wasn't enough to satisfy.

"Why couldn't you be three?" I gave her a harsh look, feeling my patience unhinge, feeling my walls crack, and threaten to crumble.

"I need some air."

0~0~0~0~0

I didn't have a set place in mind to go, I just need to gather myself, preferably somewhere quiet where I could think, and pace. I considered briefly the idea of taking a walk, but then thought better of it, not wanting to run into Drake in case he was picking up an extra shift or something.

I knew I had to check in with Lucas at some point, but dealing with the boss man about work related issues wouldn't help either. I wanted some space from Lily, and surely the first words out of Lucas' mouth would be something along the lines of 'how is your sister doing?' and I just couldn't handle that at the moment.

So I took to the one other place I knew I could go and I all but sprinted to the music room.

Thankfully the room was empty, save for the few stationary instruments, the grand piano and an array of what seemed, abandoned guitar cases. Of course, my eyes darted to _his_, recognizing the sticker that differentiated it from the others. I sighed, wanting to go to it and free it from its leather confines. But it was just a reminder of Drake, because it belonged to him. And I didn't think strumming on it would rid me of thoughts of him.

I gave a fleeting glance to the piano, but thought better of it as a flash of Elder Wilde's confrontation with me the other day passed through my subconscious in a mocking sort of fashion.

I just propped myself up against the wood-paneled walls, a style any modern interior decorator would scoff at, but combined with the wood floors, provided the open space with excellent acoustics, essential for any good musician.

A pile of dusty, overused sheet music sat at my left, but besides acknowledging it's presence, I left it alone. To my right, resided the rack of guitar cases. I dragged my fingertips over the closest case, thankful that I didn't know the owner. Just a generic guitar case, just another instrument.

I sighed, bending my legs at the knees and resting my forehead against their caps. I was exhausted, tired of thinking about Drake. He was everywhere, or seemed to be at least. I just wanted a break, time to think and to just... focus on my future. I was so preoccupied with how his was turning out that I couldn't seem to get a handle on the path I was traveling down.

"I need a friggen map." I mumbled, dragging my short nails through my oily hair. _And a shower. _I thought to myself, rubbing the pads of my fingers together over the grainy strands.

"Fancy finding you here." I snapped my head up, my eyes dragging from the floor to the owner of the familiar voice. I knew, of course, that it could only belong to one person. I just couldn't believe my luck, so much for getting away from it all.

At least I was grateful that he didn't happen to discover me curled over his six string.

"Hi." I spoke, resting my head back against the wall, my eyes cast upward toward his downcast blue.

"The hospital room getting to you?" He questioned, plopping himself down beside me. I shrugged. "I guess. Just giving Lily and Austin some space." The lie came easy enough. It wasn't as if I was going to tell him the truth. That I had left over an argument about the potential of a relationship with him of all people.

The urge to question him about his tattoo gripped me momentarily, and if I weren't too much of a chicken shit I would have just spit it out. Not exactly the classiest move, but than at least I could put the whole ordeal behind and be able to finally get on with my life. Or whatever it is I'm living.

"What are you doing here?" I wondered, hoping to keep him talking about mundane subjects. I'm sure, after witnessing my breakdown over Lily just last night he thought I was fragile as ever. I didn't want him to think of me as weak, when I so obviously was feeling that way. I didn't need his pity.

"I followed you." Okay, stalker. I raised an incredulous brow. "That doesn't sound particularly exciting." I remarked, crossing my arms over my chest and tipping my chin toward the floor.

"I was on my way to see you anyways." He said with a shrug. That response didn't make me feel better in the least. Why couldn't he just move on with his life? I wasn't a charity case, even if we were friends, I think he already set the bar at giving my injured sister blood.

"You don't have to do this you know." I sighed, twisting my face to stare at his seated form. He gave me an odd look. "Do what?" He asked.

Everything.

"Worry about me." _I'm not worth it, promise. _And although I didn't say the last part out loud he seemed deeply perturbed by my spoken words, more so than she should have been. It bothered me that he seemed to care, that kind of reaction gave me hope. And hope was something I could not afford.

"I mean," I sighed, wondering how to phrase any sort of explanation. I had so many thoughts running through my head, it was difficult for me to even process, let alone speak. "I'm sure you could be spending your time with Seth or," I wanted to say '_her_' but settled on "you're other friends."

He smiled to himself, as if my reasoning was spoken in jest.

"You're my friend. Why shouldn't I spend time with you?" He wondered, nudging me with his shoulder. The gesture was very 'friendly', but it still sent my pulse racing in an embarrassing fashion. When I didn't respond to either the gesture or his words he added, "We used to... spend time together, I mean."

I didn't have a response for that, only turning my sad eyes toward his confused frown. It felt like I was letting him go... but it had to be done. For both of our sakes, I had to cut off the ties, make him see that I just wasn't good for him. That I never would be.

"That was before." I spoke, without really thinking about the consequences of my words. The explanation they would warrant. An explanation I wasn't ready to face or to deliver.

"Before what?" And just like I suspected, he asked. I had no words, nothing to say. But my silence served to only foster his curiosity. "Before what, Logan?" He inquired once more. I ducked my head towards the floor, not wanting to acknowledge the implications of my words. I felt my eyes well with unshed tears.

"I... never mind." My throat felt foggy, chocked with tears. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't even trust the tilt of my chin, for I feared even the slightest jarring would cause the tears to spill over.

"Lo?" I felt him lean into me, his warm chest pressing against the length of my arm as he rested his forehead against my cheek. If he hadn't guessed I was about to cry, he certainly knew now.

I watched as he lifted one of his strong, soft hands to my face, the pad of his thumb tracing along the underside of my eyelid, triggering the floodgates.

"Talk to me." He breathed. His voice sounded pained, and I fought with the press of his hand against the side of my jaw as he led my eyes to his. We were so close our noses were touching, and I let out a little hiccup of a cough, more tears falling.

I shook my head. "I can't, Drake.. I-" But my words were cut off by his lips.

0~0~0~0~0

_A/N: Ohh.. cilffy :P I know, I'm mean! Let me know what you think! (Who the hell else is thinking 'finally!'?)_

_~Lauren :)_


	13. Realizations

~ **Chapter Eleven** ~

I had never been taken so far off guard. It wasn't the randomness of the gesture itself that had my mind all frazzled, just simply that I had never expected such an instance to occur outside of my own inner musings. I felt Drake's lips pull into a tiny smile against my own, and I wasn't sure if it was in reaction to the contentedness of having his mouth covering mine, or if he was, in fact, just glad to have succeeded in shutting me up.

I lifted my hands as if to frame his face, but thought better of the action and dropped them awkwardly in my lap.

I didn't know what to do, how to respond. So, I just... reacted.

I might have kissed him back, I'm not really sure. What I was sure of was that the soft press of his lips against mine was the most overwhelming feeling I had come to know in my short life. And, although that last statement could be chalked up to my flare for the dramatic, it was completely true. I had never felt more... connected than I had in that moment. Not just to Drake, but something inside me seemed to slide into place with an audible 'click'. It was wrong of me to allow myself to lose control, to let go. But, I couldn't deny how good it felt to just let myself be.

The tears continued to stream down my cheeks. Frustrated, angry, sad, but utterly astounded emotions seemed to pour from my eyes, leaving salty tracks across Drake's warm cheeks.

He pulled away for just a moment, and I took in a ragged breath, my body seeming to cave in on itself. I blinked my eyes, knowing that although his mouth no longer covered mine, he was still so close... so, so close. Close enough that I could inhale his sweet, earthy scent. A smell so familiar, I couldn't help but feel calm. He lifted a finger to trace along the side of my face, dragging the soft pad along my neck and to my throat.

He bent his head forward, capturing my top lip between his, moving his other hand to tangle in my hair and cup the back of my neck, tilting my face upward, towards his.

My subconscious was screaming at me to stop, to slow down, and to push him away. '_This was wrong'._ It spoke; it's tone harsh and _so_ convincing. And why shouldn't it be? After all, I knew perfectly well that he had committed himself to someone else, that the inked letters that adorned the skin of his left shoulder blade were permanent, a sign of forever.

_Those letters aren't for you. _My mind seemed to sneer, mocking me.

But Drake was so warm, so familiar; I felt so much between us. My heart ached to be closer to him, I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and hold him to me. I wanted him to never leave me.

His tongue slipped out to trace my bottom lip, seeking permission for entrance.

But something inside me snapped. My subconscious eagerly claiming it's victory.

It hurt like hell to do it, but eventually the awareness of my body came back to me. I placed two palms to the face of his chest, effectively pushing him back.

_This was wrong._

"Oh, god..." I couldn't believe what had just happened. What I had just _let_ happen. Even though he was the one to initiate it, I didn't know for certain if Drake hadn't just been overwhelmed with my distance, or if he was just trying to shock me back into my present frame of mind.

_He belongs to someone else._ I chocked a sob out, my eyelids closing tightly, attempting to fight off the constantly streaming moisture.

"Logan?" Drake's voice sounded tortured.

I had to get out of here.

I slid my body further away from him, dragging a shaking hand through my now mused hair. Drake reached for me as I turned to stand.

I could barely see through the fog of constant tears. I blindly smoothed the wrinkles out of my bunched clothes, hands shaking, yearning for an escape.

And before I could register where the exit was, Drake had his warm hands wrapped around the tops of my arms, pulling me to face him. I shook my head, lifting my palm to press against his hand, wanting him to let me go. All that accomplished was for him to relocate his palm to my cheek. He tilted my face to his; his cerulean eyes seemed so unnaturally scared. I wasn't used to seeing my best friend so vulnerable... so sad.

What was happening?

"Logan?" His voice dripped with concern, and I could do nothing but pull away from him, not wanting to be here anymore. Needing the space to think, to breathe.

"I can't, we..." I nearly chocked on the words that seemed to be stuck in my throat. "Please, just let me go." I begged, wrapping my arms around my middle. I needed to hold myself together. More emotionally so than physically, but at the moment the warmth of my own skin was going to have to do.

It should be _his_ arms.

Something inside me was breaking, cracking down the middle. My heart hurt as I continued to turn toward the door.

"Lo, what's wrong, what did I do?" He wondered, his voice cracking on the last phrase. _What did he do?_ He did nothing. It was my entire fault, for letting him get so close My fault for encouraging such an outrageous hope to blossom.

"You... I... I have to go." I was finally able to free myself of his grasp, stumbling madly toward the door.

"Logan!" He called after me, the sound of his own footsteps mirroring my own. I felt his fingertips at my waist just as my own met the brass of the music room doorknob.

I tried to pull open the door, but his other hand had moved to steady the other side of my torso, pulling me back against his chest. "Logan, _please_."

He twisted my form around, crushing me to his chest. His strong arms held me up as I felt my knees give out. But I couldn't bring myself to find the strength to reciprocate such an action. I couldn't bring myself to hold him they way he so easily held me.

I felt him rest his warm cheek to the top of my head. He was breathing deeply, whispering comments meant to soothe. The nearness calmed me considerably, enough so that I eventually found my own footing. I pressed my fingertips gently to either side of his waist, the action meant to right myself and to find personal balance. I released another shaky breath.

"Please talk to me." His calm voice whispered against the shell of my ear, lips pressing there once, before he pulled back. "Please tell me I didn't hurt you." He brought his thumbs back up to the undersides of my eyes, catching the still falling tears.

I just stared up at him, totally exhausted and overwhelmed. I knew that I had to let him go, because this was a mistake. We couldn't be more than friends... I mean... we couldn't.

"Why are you crying?" He asked in sweet exasperation as my silence stretched on. I couldn't just leave without saying anything, he'd only follow and ask more questions.

_Just spit it out. _My subconscious taunted, giving me that extra push.

"This... we can't do this." I finally stated, not feeling any sort of relief as the words escaped past my lips.

Drake gave me a strange look, his thumbs still rubbing at my cheeks, willing away the tears. "It wouldn't be fair." I breathed, twisting my face away from his hold. He dropped his hands and I took a step back, acquiring some much needed space.

I tucked a strand of fallen hair behind my ear before wrapping my arms once more around my middle. I couldn't look at him.

"Logan, I don't understand." He sounded so ... broken.

_I don't understand either._

Drake, the boy who I loved, my best friend, had just kissed me. Everything should be right with the world. I should be deliriously happy. Drunk with contentment. But, I couldn't enjoy the nearness, the overwhelming need for him, the connection, because it wasn't _my_ connection to share.

"It wouldn't be fair, to _her._" I whispered, wondering briefly if he had even heard me. I kept my gaze locked with the wall, the floor, anything but his beautiful blue eyes. They weren't mine to look into. I couldn't call anything about him my own, not even his friendship, which I suspected would be lost after today.

"To _her_?" Drake wondered, his tone even more confused than before. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he reached his hand up to my cheek, but I ducked my head away.

Did I really have to spell it out for him? Wasn't it enough punishment to know that he was meant for someone,_ anyone_ but me? I had to speak the words, solidify them on such a permanent level.

I couldn't say it. So I did the only thing I could.

I took the necessary steps forward, resting my palm along the side of his arm, I turned him around. He gave me a confused look, as I rested my palm across the back of his left shoulder, where, just under a thin layer of cotton, rested the proof of permanent devotion.

"Her."

There was a moment of silent pause. I dropped my arm and waited for him to say something... anything to contradict me. But he didn't say anything, he just stared at me his eyes almost... amused.

"Are you talking about my ink?" He wondered, his incredulous expression turning into an amused one. I narrowed my eyes at him, crinkling my brow as I nodded slowly. _What was funny about this?_

"So you_ had_ noticed it." He mused, turning himself back around so that we were face to face. He breathed a quiet laugh.

"Yes. Several times." I offered, feeling confused at his obvious ease. He was quiet for a moment or two, his eyes searching my face for...something. I don't think he was successful in finding it, however.

"You really don't know whose name it is, do you?" He wondered curiously, lifting his fingers to sweep some fallen hair behind my ear. I shied away once more, not enjoying his games.

He shook his head back and forth, his dark, raven hair tickling at his cheeks and falling in his eyes as he breathed a short laugh. "Logan." He reached for my wrists, pulling them away from my middle and cradling them to his chest. He leaned forward until his lips were perpendicular to my ear. My breath caught at his nearness and a short gasp whooshed through my startled form.

"It's your name."

...

No.

My eyes widened at his words. _My_ name? "What..." I didn't know what I was trying to say, I was still so stunned. It was _my_ name? _Was he out of his mind?_

"Why on earth would you tattoo my name on your shoulder?" I asked incredulously. Was this some kind of joke, was he messing with me? I couldn't take it if he was messing with me. If that tattoo really was my name...god I'd be ... I'd be elated. Simply and utterly dumbfounded, I placed hands to hips and gave him a hesitant glance.

He just laughed at my question, full out, whole-heartedly laughed. "Because, the first time I saw you, I _knew_." He stated matter-of-factly, moving forward to wrap his arms around my waist. He knew?

"But, I mean... we barely spoke two words to each other that first day!" I stated exasperatedly. Maybe he made a mistake; he couldn't possibly have felt such a pull for me. I wasn't even a shifter.

And then everything seemed to pause in my racing mind. All the jumbled, confused, happy, overwhelmed emotions came to an utter and complete halt.

I wasn't a shifter.

I wasn't a shifter, and Drake was. I ... Drake deserved better than a static. He deserved a mate that could be his equal. In everything that he did, I couldn't be that for him. I couldn't stand beside him when he was in danger, I couldn't protect him. And he shouldn't have to protect me, which is ultimately what he signed up for when he got his ink.

"Logan, you know how this works. It was like... it was as if all time seemed to just stop, and all I saw was you. It was so _obvious, _as if someone had punched me straight in the gut."

_Oh, that's romantic_. I thought to myself.

"So the first emotion you felt towards me was pain?" I wondered, frowning slightly.

He laughed at me, shaking his head. "No, Logan. It wasn't pain that you first evoked from my emotions. Simply overwhelming clarity." He sounded less stressed, a gentle smile creasing his smooth, pale cheeks.

"Clarity." I repeated. It wasn't really a question, just a reiteration of what he had spoken. Not that I wasn't wondering about what he was getting at. I knew on some level he was referring to the call of the mate, but I sincerely doubted it had anything to do with me.

I tried to remember if there was anyone else around that night... we weren't alone. The whole pack was there to celebrate and welcome their family. Maybe he just confused me with somebody else. I mean. This all felt too good to be true.

"What has you so lost in thought?" He wondered, lifting a hand to trace the length of my jaw line. He leaned forward to lay a kiss to the top of my head as if it were the most natural thing for him. I do admit that I wasn't freaked out at all by the gesture, it felt normal, and it felt _right. _It was only the confusion of the whole situation that had me questioning, well... everything.

"Are you sure?" I asked, honestly curious.

Was he just keeping me around to make sure that he liked me, what if he had to warm up to the idea of me being his mate? The mere thought of any level of dislike from Drake stung. I frowned.

"Am I sure? Logan, you know that a guy doesn't get ink without being 100% positive." He pointed out, but I just shook my head. "Connor got inked twice." I shot back, wanting some sort of small victory in our sort of argument. Well, argument on my part. I think for Drake this was more of an amused convincing than anything else.

Could I really be this lucky, could he really mean it?

"Connor aside, do you think _I _would ever take a decision so lightly?" His arms encircled my waist, and although his touches were familiar, the newfound frequency of them was slightly disconcerting. Definitely something I would need to get used to. For so long I had told myself not to hope, but maybe I was wrong about being meant to be alone. Maybe someone out there was looking out for me in some capacity. I felt happy that this could be real, but part of me had to wonder if it was all just a dream. That I would wake up suddenly in the music room, alone, and have to deal with the consequences of a broken heart.

"No. I just... I mean, if you felt this way for so long why are you only now just telling me?" He had so many previous opportunities to share such a hefty revelation with me. It wasn't in Drake's nature to beat around the bush, he was honest, and brutally so at times. Why go on as just friends when he thought he felt so much more.

I felt him squeeze my waist as a sigh whooshed through his lips, the exhale blowing around little wisps of my own hair.

"You seemed so closed off when I met you." He began, speaking softly as if to a child. "After I found out that you were a static," I cringed as the words left his lips and he noticed, leaning his forehead against my own. He paused briefly in his explanation, waiting for me to respond, waiting for me to give him the go ahead. I nodded, wanting for him to continue.

"You know that I don't think any less of you because of your circumstances, right?" He asked, hoping to reassure me. I titled my eyes up to look into his, he smiled at me sadly and I blinked, whispering a quiet 'yes'.

"You seemed so stressed, and I knew it was because you were forced at such a young age to accept how different you were from everything and everyone else. Even your own sister. I also knew that you were dealing with the emotional aspect of it all, having to learn and to watch as everyone else around you experienced something you would never have. You were in your own world for so long, even when we started to get closer you always seemed to keep part of yourself at a distance." The truth of his words hurt, I hated knowing that my pain was so blatantly obvious, understanding now more than ever why people always seemed to take pity on me. I must have seemed pathetic.

"I didn't want to force a relationship between the two of us, even if it's what was meant to be. I knew that you needed more time to yourself, to sort out your feelings and your goals. I wanted to be there for you, in whatever capacity I could, and you seemed to enjoy my company enough to keep me around as a friend. I was always watching out for you, always there for you even if it didn't seem like it." I nodded again, his sweet words striking a chord within me. He was being so honest, he seemed so _sure. _I wanted to dispute everything that he was saying. To continue to hide behind my facade of being fine. But he knew I was suffering, that I was just surviving. He would never really understand how much his friendship meant to me, when all I wanted was to close off he was always there, encouraging me, bringing me out of my shell.

He taught me so much, how could I ever repay him? I tried to be a good friend to him, he deserved so much more than me, but it seemed that I was all he wanted all this time.

He chuckled to himself, the sound startling me out of my inner thoughts. "What?" I questioned, my voice so meek and quiet. I really was on pins and needles with this whole thing, feeling like this was right for so long but not letting myself accept that even the possibility existed had kept me so wound up, so tense and sad. It all seemed to snap with this revelation; I was so exhausted, in every aspect of the word. Drake's voice and his arms were the only tangible things I could hold onto, he was keeping me grounded.

"Nothing just... Logan, when did you first notice my tattoo?" He wondered, the question taking me slightly off guard. I thought back to that night beside the pond, watching him swim with all his friends while I sat dejectedly in the willow tree.

"When we went to the pond." I answered, simply. He seemed a bit shocked, but nodded his head. "I'm surprised you hadn't noticed it before then." He mused. I quirked an eyebrow.

"When exactly did you get it?" I wondered, lifting my hands from my sides gingerly and placing them around his upper torso, the fingers of my right hand tracing the area around his tattoo.

He smiled the gesture, closing his eyes briefly. "Well, I found out the first day I saw you that I was meant to be there for you. I was pretty sure that you were it for me, but of course I discussed it with father, and with Lucas and Rafe." I gasped.

"Lucas and Rafe? They've known all this time?" I squeaked, feeling utterly astounded. He just chuckled at me, pulling me closer to him so that my head rested in the crook between his neck and his shoulder.

"Yes. I described how it felt and they said their experiences were similar...I was worried about you seeing it somehow, worried about you finding out too soon, when I knew you weren't ready for it." His voice softened and I felt him press his cheek to the top of my scalp. "But, I also wanted the ink to show the other guys to back off. So I waited until right before winter break. I got the tattoo on Christmas Eve, because I was sure I wouldn't have any reason to take my shirt off in the below freezing temperatures, only for Dark Guardian business, never around you. But in the spring I.. I couldn't do it anymore; I wanted you to see, to ask. I thought you had realized a long time ago but I guess not." He bent his face toward my own, his nose nuzzling mine softly, the gesture so similar to the way a wolf shows affection for its mate. It warmed me and I smiled despite my spinning head.

"I didn't notice it until the pond. And even then I wouldn't have asked about it... I mean, I thought it was for someone else." I admitted softly, part of me hoping he wouldn't catch any of what I was saying. He just smirked, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek.

"I know, you're very cute when you're jealous." He teased, moving his mouth to hover over mine. After a moment of pause he pressed his lips to mine, his arms moving from my waist to frame my cheeks as he tilted my head back. I moved my own hands from his back to his shoulders, down his arms, attempting to memorize every aspect of him. Attempting to memorize every aspect, every detail of this perfect moment.

I felt him smile against my lips, and I mirrored his gesture feeling so content with the day's events, feeling so utterly happy. The emptiness I had called my own for so long was finally being filled, I felt less hollow, more alive.

I pulled away for just a moment to catch my breath. "What do you mean, you know?" I wondered, his words finally catching up to me. He smirked, moving in for another kiss but I tilted my face to the side. He chuckled a bit, leaving a soft peck on my cheek.

"You may not be a shifter, Logan. But that doesn't mean the mate thing doesn't work the same way." He said, his fingers moving to the back of my neck, playing with my unruly hair.

His words confused me, what was he getting at? He smiled.

"What I'm getting at m'dear, is the mental connection between mates." I inhaled sharply. Was he implying that he could read my mind... oh shit.

I released an impossibly embarrassing giggle. "Oh." I managed to breathe, he laughed at my expense.

"Don't be embarrassed, I love being able to hear what you're thinking. I bent his face toward my throat, his nose skimming along the sensitive skin of my collarbone. "I love the way you smell, so rich and vibrant. You smell like rain and crushed mint leaves." I quirked a brow at him although he couldn't see me.

Rolling my eyes I stated simply. "I smell like dried sweat and hospital." He shook his head, his dark wiry hairs tickling at my shoulders. I squirmed at the sensation.

"Yes, you do smell like sweat and hospital." I smacked his shoulder. "Hey! I'm just agreeing with you." He joked, his lite banter calming, so normal for us. "But your natural scent is so much more overpowering. You smell so much more appealing than anyone else, I'm so attuned to you, that's how I knew where to find you today."

The sentiment warmed me and I smiled to myself, twisting my face around so my nose was pressed against his cheek.

"You smell good too. Like the forest." I complimented, at least, I hoped he would take it as a compliment.

He laughed. "Hmm. I'm glad you think so." He pulled back from me, the movement startling me. "Are you ready to go back to visit your sister?" He questioned suddenly, and I gave him a hesitant glance. "Uh..." The truth was, that I just didn't want to see Lily all high and mighty because she was right about Drake. I know the first thing she would say when she saw us walk in together would be something along the lines of 'I told you so.'

"We don't have to, we can stay here for awhile, or take a walk around the grounds. I just... is it so selfish of me to want to show you off?" He teased. I gaped at him, completely astounded by such an absurd question.

"It's not like people haven't seen me before." I pointed out. I wasn't exactly something to be proud of. He just shook his head. "Yes, but they haven't seen you with me." I gave him a small smile.

"Are you really sure about this, Drake?" I questioned, needing to know that he was completely positive he wasn't making a mistake. I.. I loved him, and I knew he felt some strong feelings toward me, but I didn't want him to give me so much hope if he had his own hesitations.

"Logan. Of course I'm sure. If you'd let me I'd declare you as my mate tonight, and I would have done that sooner had I not known that you _hate _that sort of attention. I wanted this to be a private experience between the two of us when I told you, and then, when you were ready I was going to declare you." I gave him a soft smile for his sweet words. Of course he was right. I would have probably freaked out if he had proclaimed any sort of thing in public without speaking to me first.

But declaring me as his mate was a big deal. A big deal that I didn't really feel was necessary for our situation. After all, it wasn't as if any other guys were pining for me. And it wasn't as if the night of my transformation moon would have any sort of effect on me other than further concrete evidence of the fact of my circumstance.

"You don't have to declare me as your mate if you don't want to." I offered, wanting him to know that he need not feel obligated.

He scoffed at me. "I'm declaring you as mine whether you like it or not." He teased, although I knew his tone held some sort of conviction.

Drake wanted me for his mate... and he wanted to profess such a declaration to the entirety of the pack. Soon.

0~0~0~0~0

_So yea, some of you are like wth it's Tuesday, but I've decided to change my update days for this story from Wednesdays and Fridays to Tuesdays and Fridays. So... woot! Ps this has to be my favorite chapter to date even though its uber fluffy. I hoped you guys liked it! :)_

_~Lauren_


	14. Talk To Me

~ **Chapter Twelve** ~

Drake seemed perfectly at ease with the entirety of the situation. Which, I guess, would be the expected reaction. It's exactly how I should have felt. That, and the feeling of complete and total enveloping gratitude. I won't be alone forever, and it's because of Drake that I will have a semi-normal life.

I may not change form when the moon comes, but I know now that it was never impossible for me to have a mate. I was given the gift of someone to share this existence with. I had finally realized that I would no longer be subjected to the normalcy that I called my half-existence, because I always knew I was missing something. Drake filled that void.

I should be completely and utterly at ease, I should have what seemed a permanent smile etched into my delicate features. But, part of me was scared.

Not of the implications our relationship would entail. No, that wasn't it at all. Because I knew from knowledge and observance just how permanent the bond between a male and his decided mate is.

I wasn't scared, because I knew Drake had made his choice. He couldn't back out now, at least... that's what the legends say.

I was scared, childishly so, of how people would react. I was worried about how people would perceive our relationship. Would others think that Drake chose me out of pity, because the possibility of shifting for me was null and void? I wanted to be taken seriously. I wanted to be... I just wanted to be happy.

Drake was elated, and rightfully so. We had left the surreal environment of the music room just moments before, opting to head out to the woods for a quiet walk. He held my hand in his own, his strong fingers wrapping securely around my tiny palm in a gesture of protective possessiveness. I loved that he admitted to feeling possessive of me, because frankly, it wasn't a one-way street.

Ever since I had known him, the girls at school, both static and shifter, always considered Drake to be 'hot', not my choice of adjective. He, like most males of our kind, never dated. Maybe casually here and there, but save for formal and prom dates, most shifter guys were single.

I had always been his friend, but I had been equally jealous when other girls spoke of him. It felt wrong, it made me feel sad. Because, I never considered myself to be exactly 'beautiful'. I knew I was decent looking on a good day. But, I always believed that the one-thing shifter guys were attracted to, was the magic, the destiny, and the fantasy of sharing their impossibility with another. Because I kept this doctrine close to my heart, it was easy to conclude that I would never have a mate. At least, not a shifter.

My mother, although she had her suspicions, never knew exactly how I felt on the subject. She was always encouraging me to branch out to the statics, to make friends, maybe to date a little. But I knew I could never give my whole self to a static, even in friendship, because I would never be able to be completely and totally honest with them. I would have to keep nearly my whole life from them, and that didn't seem fair.

I didn't go to formals or homecoming. I was asked to prom by one of the popular static boys, but feared it was simply in jest and opted to spend the night in my living room watching horror movies while my sister enjoyed the high school milestone.

Of course, I realized now that what made those nights bearable was the company I kept. The company I found in Drake. He had showed up at my door on prom night, wondering if I wanted some company. I was under the impression that he was going with one of the static girls who had proclaimed to the entirety of my homeroom earlier in the week about asking him. But, he just shrugged off my questioning gaze, moving beyond me to sit on the side of the couch opposite of me.

I squeezed his hand that held mine. We hadn't passed very many people on our hike, only the focused eyes of the guardians on guard duty and a few indifferent faces in the halls. However, I felt as if a giant neon sign was blinking above my head declaring for the world my insecurities, and my worries.

Drake mirrored my gesture, applying the gentlest pressure around my fingers.

"Relax, Lo." He whispered into my ear, the low decibel unnecessary, as we seemed completely alone, save for the company of the trees and the sounds of the wilderness.

I shrugged my shoulders, tugging my palm away from his. He gave me a confused, almost hurt glance, but smiled when I moved to wrap my arm around the length of his arm.

We continued to walk, having no destination in mind it seemed. I wasn't worried about getting lost, even if we were mindlessly wandering, I knew the general area. It seemed there wasn't an inch of these woods either Drake or I hadn't discovered or trekked.

"I know that you are overwhelmed, Logan. I can see that. But, I just want you to know how happy you've made me." He spoke, the conviction in his voice heart warming.

"I'm happy too." I supplied hoping, that even through my insecurities, I was able to procure a genuine smile.

He moved his arm from my grasp, quickly replacing it along the length of my back. Instinctively it seemed, I laid my head against his strong shoulder.

We reached a small creek a few moments later; I dislodged myself from Drake's grasp, setting myself down on a large boulder beside the banks.

He moved to sit beside me.

"I'm sorry if I'm being distant. It's just… a lot to process." I breathed an awkward laugh, kicking off my shoes as I traced patterns in the cool mud of the shore.

He nodded his head beside me. "It's okay." He insisted, copying my gesture and removing his own shoes, he leaned back against the sun-heated surface of the boulder, the muscles in his arms rippling in an enticing fashion.

"I don't mean to be," I continued, not really knowing where I was going with this line of thought, but knowing I needed to explain some things to him. He deserved me to be honest with him. "I just… I've always considered the possibility of having a mate, for me at least, to be non-existent. And then you come in, and with a tattoo and a promise I'm suddenly finding that the things I had held to be true, are in fact false." I sighed, twisting my fingers nervously through my blond locks, pulling and tugging on the strands.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy… floored… because I, well I've always thought of you in a 'more than friends' sort of light." He smirked at my admission, reaching an errant finger toward my darkening cheeks.

"You don't have to be embarrassed to admit that you had a crush on me." He teased, his light eyes dancing with mirth.

"Whatever, it was a big deal for me to like you when I thought I would never have a chance to act on those feelings." I pointed out sullenly, my mind drifting to just this morning when I was berating myself for even thinking about having a future with him.

"I get that. But, Logan, you were insane to think that you were meant to be forever alone. That's just dumb." He spoke, his voice seeming to scold me almost.

"You're far too biased for that statement to hold very much clout." I pointed out, earning only an eye roll for my words.

"Whatever," He stated, mimicking my earlier tone. "You're not going to be alone." He offered, smiling at the happy glow of my burning cheeks. "Yea, I guess I'm stuck with you." I spoke, my words, of course, made in jest. He just rolled his eyes once more, kicking some icy water to cover the tops of my feet. I squealed in surprise, curling my legs away from the water.

"Hey!" I whined, sticking my tongue out at him. It was moments like these that I appreciated our strong friendship. I think our already formed loyalties to one another would only serve to prove a healthy and positive factor in our newly discovered romantic relationship.

We laughed quietly together for a few moments, our happy sounds seeming to die off together. He angled his body closer to mine, nudging my cheek with his nose until I turned my eyes to meet his.

He surprised me with the soft touch of his lips, an act that eventually turned into a corny bout of Eskimo kisses.

"Loser." I murmured at his cheesy display of affection. He growled at my teasing, opening his eyes to give me a playful glare.

Like lightening, his fingers were at the exposed skin of my hip, tickling relentlessly. "Stop!" I shrieked, swatting at his fingers. "Drake!" I chastised, reaching blindly with my other hand for his face. I found his cheek, pulling it to mine until his lips covered my own. His other hand stopped almost immediately, moving to frame my waist.

"That wasn't a fair distraction." He smirked between kisses. I shrugged, not feeling the least bit bad about my action of choice.

"Don't tickle me." I warned, pulling away from him to give him my warning glare. He just shook his head. "No way, the way your cheeks turn tomato red is too tempting a picture to resist."

I smacked him soundly against his shoulder, the hard smack of palm against cotton probably hurting me worse than him. "Ow." He spoke, his sarcastic tone showing me that it didn't hurt in the least.

"I hate you." I replied simply. He scoffed, moving a hand to cover his heart. "You cut me deep, Lo."

"Whatever." I responded.

"Yea, whatever." He mimicked right back.

The atmosphere around us seemed to go from playful one moment to serious the next. It was so surreal how our relationship had changed in the matter of hours. I loved Drake. And it was no longer just from afar, and although I knew my feelings to be unmistakable and concrete, I didn't feel ready to proclaim such a sentiment to him, not yet at least.

"Can I..." I paused, feeling the blush creep back up to my cheeks. Drake raised an amused brow at me. "Can I?" I tugged at the bottom of his shirt, pressing my palm along the back of his left shoulder. He seemed to understand what I was asking, and immediately pulled the dark cotton away from his torso.

He turned; angling his back to face me as I stared at the swirled, black design. It was hard to believe that the random designs meant anything, let alone my own name. I traced the pattern with the gentlest of touches; worrying if I pressed too hard that the ink would rub off and all proof of his devotion to me would be lost.

He turned his wondersome eyes to meet mine over the top of his shoulder. I had never felt so close to him. This design, this tattoo symbolized the 'clarity' he had felt upon laying eyes on me for the first time. It felt sacred, I felt possessive of it in a weird way.

He lifted his left arm to rest against the back of my exploring fingers. "Logan?" He spoke, my name coming out as a question. I felt like I was in such a haze, but I snapped my eyes to meet his cerulean gaze.

"Sorry, it's just... surreal." I admitted, smiling, as his eyes seemed to brighten. He was happy, and I had a role in making him that way.

"You always make me happy." He offered as if I had spoken my thoughts aloud. The mind reading I would have to get used to. "If you concentrate enough, you'll be able to hear what I'm thinking as well.

I wouldn't even know where to begin with that one. But I closed my eyes to humor him, concentrating on the soothing sound of his voice, I pressed my fingers back to the inked skin of his shoulder, resting my forehead against his, as if the physical closeness of our minds would help me to decipher his thoughts.

The whole idea felt kind of silly, but when he pressed lips against mine, the feeling of complete serenity sparked a buzz of thought to occur in my head. Thought that wasn't my own.

I gasped, pulling away quickly, attempting to process the images and the words that I was seeing. It was like looking in a mirror, the girl in these mind-pictures was definitely me, but a more beautiful version of me. An unrealistic version of me. It was such a strange feeling, seeing myself in pictures. Logan with sad eyes, Logan smiling, Logan blushing. Each picture seemed to have a glow about them, and I wondered if the overwhelming emotion that seemed to emanate from each image was the powerful connection Drake had felt toward me for so long. If it was, kudos to him for holding himself back all these years.

"Wow." I breathed, completely fascinated with my newfound ability. It was about as supernatural as I had ever come to be in my seventeen years.

"This is so weird." I commented, opening my eyes and putting some distance between our faces to experiment if the pictures would dull or fade, but they remained in tact.

"Is there a specific amount of distance where this whole thing just stops working?" Drake laughed. "Not that I know of."

"That's convenient." I mused, immediately thinking to this fall when we would be separated for school. My heart gave a painful tug and Drake seemed to visibly cringe. "Let's not think about that right now, Lo. It's only July." He pointed out. And his words shocked me. Not that they should, I should be grateful to not have to think about our inevitable separation, I was too busy being concerned about his last statement.

"It's... July?" I choked, not realizing how close it was to the moon, which was supposed to occur on the sixth.

"What day is it?" I nearly screeched, completely caught off guard. "The first." He answered, his tone solemn. "Logan, calm down. It's still nearly a week away. We have plenty of time to do whatever you need to prepare." He reminded, reaching his strong arms to wrap around my tense body. I nodded, even though the gesture wasn't genuine in the least. I wasn't actually all right, and he knew that. I didn't know why I was so jittery all of a sudden, I mean, it wasn't as if anything was going to happen that night. The sun would set, the moon would rise, and in the morning I would remain as human as I was the day prior.

"It just took me off guard." I offered, not exactly understanding what else it could be. He dropped a soothing kiss to my hair.

"It's alright." He whispered, his words soothing. He stood, pulling me up to rest against his chest. He pushed me away only for a moment so as to replace his shirt and then he wrapped his arm back around my waist, leading us away from the private creek.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He questioned hesitantly, my immediate reaction should have been to shake my head but I just shrugged. "There really isn't much to discuss." I pointed out, hoping he would get that it was just going to be like every other night.

"I don't think you should treat it so lightly. I mean, it's still your moon." He whispered.

"No, it's not my moon. It's just a moon." I said, not wanting to think about it anymore. But Drake was determined to push the subject. "Logan, this isn't going to be like prom, okay? You can't just shack yourself up in your house until it's over." His words hurt me, and I flashed him an angry glare. "I wasn't hiding!" I insisted, pulling away from him.

Drake sighed; running his hand through is hair in an annoyed fashion. "I didn't mean it like that, Logan." He said, but I didn't believe him. "Yes, you did. But it doesn't even matter, Drake, because no matter where I am, nothing is going to happen."

He shook his head, not wanting to hear it. "Maybe, but you don't know that for sur-" I stopped, abruptly turning to face him.

"Look, I get that you don't approve of how I'm dealing with this, but don't tell me that I might shift. It's not going to happen, and I don't need you getting my hopes up." I could feel the angry tears prickling at the backs of my eyes. I didn't want to be mad at him, but I needed him to know that talking about this night with me was just never going to go how he wanted it.

"Logan." He sighed, reaching for me. I shrugged him off, taking a step back to put more distance between us. "No. You say you can read my mind, then look. Really _look. _No matter how much I want it to be untrue, the fact that I am static is inevitable. And in six days when the sun sets and the moon rises I am going to remain unchanged. I'm not a shifter Drake, and I don't want to go wander off into the wilderness to one of the lairs and pretend that I have any place to be there." I was crying now, so angry with myself for seeming weak, so angry with him for calling me out. It wasn't fair.

He reached for me again, ignoring my protests and wrapping his arms around my middle, he pulled me to his chest.

"Logan, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry." I sobbed into his chest, burying my face away from sight, hoping that my little nook of darkness would swallow me whole.

"I don't mean to be insensitive, I know how much this hurts, but you have to consider that your transformation moon is also mine. I am supposed to be there for you, to help you, to guide you. You're going to be in pain, and although it may not be the kind you yearn for, I want to be the one to help you get through that." His words made sense. I knew I was being selfish by wanting to keep this a solitary event; he deserved to be there. If my circumstances were different, his presence would be unavoidable.

"We don't have to discuss it any further today if you don't want." I just shook my head; feeling relieved when he dropped the subject and quietly led us back to the village.

0~0~0~0~0

"When we reached the gates I parted from him with a quick 'goodbye' and an excuse about needing time to myself. In truth I just needed someone to talk to, someone to talk to that knew me and wouldn't judge, someone that would offer advice.

I walked with a purpose toward the basement stairs, finding my way easily to the infirmary. Lily was awake when I knocked on the door, Austin sitting just beside her. They both looked up, shocked.

Lily quirked a brow at my frazzled form. "Sit." She insisted skeptically, ushering Austin out of the room with requests of coffee and a doughnut. Something he wouldn't be able to find without venturing off the cafeteria.

"Be back soon." He offered, kissing her forehead gently before leaving the two of us to our own devices.

"You look like shit." Lily pointed out rather bluntly; her questioning eyes seeming to search my face for something.

"What's up?" She wondered.

"You were right." I whispered, not exactly knowing how to start out this conversation.

"Right? About what...?" She questioned, giving me a strange look. "Oh my god... about Drake?" She gasped.

"Don't say 'I told you so.'" I warned, dropping my face to my palms.

"I don't get what the problem is?" She pointed out, angling her torso more towards me, as her leg was still in pain.

"The problem is, that I am so confused and overwhelmed with the whole thing. I didn't ever expect to have a mate, let alone _Drake._" I sighed, listening as she breathed a quiet giggle.

"You're totally enthralled with him arn't you?" She wondered, lifting a fragile hand to pat at my hair. "You need a shower." She pointed out, giving me another small giggle.

"So not the point." I whined, feeling even more frustrated that I didn't know how to put any of what I was feeling into words.

"Where is he now?" She wondered, poking at me until I freed my hidden face from behind my palms.

"I told him I wanted to be alone." I admitted, sighing as I gave her a glassy look. "He wants to go with me on the sixth." Her eyes widened briefly, her voice softening immensely.

"Oh." She paused. "I'm sorry, Logan. I know... I know we have talked about this but I am really sorry about you... you know." She was referring to my inability to shift. I just shrugged, completely over it by now.

"It's not a big deal, I'm just so confused about how to handle myself that night. I always planned on being alone. Drake... he wants to be there with me." She nodded, giving me a soft smile.

"Yea, I can understand that. But, you also have to realize that Drake has probably been planning to share that night with you all this time, and that you wanting to be alone is equally as confusing to him." She pointed out. And her words made me feel like such shit, because that was obviously the case.

"What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to tell him, I don't know how to say I'm sorry." She just shrugged, leaning forward so as to get closer to me. She whispered close to my ear.

"I don't know him like you do, but I will warn you right now that he knows you lied about wanting to be alone. Remember that mind reading is a two way street, he's probably worried sick about you right now, you need to go to him."

0~0~0~0~0

_A/n: Hey people! Happy Friday! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, thanks to all my fabulous readers and especially to those who review, you all make my day, seriously! :D_

_P.s. If you're a Twilight fan, go check out my story 'Circumstance' It was nominated for an Indie award last year, and is updated twice a week on Thursdays and Sundays._

_~Lauren :)_


	15. Starting Over

~ **Chapter Thirteen** ~

I left Lily's room feeling less than certain about how to handle things. Things being Drake, things being July 6th, and things being ... well, things being complicated. I sighed, deciding I was too worked up and too confused to approach Drake. I wanted my apology to be sincere, and I wanted to be able to explain to him why I felt I needed to be alone. I knew now, that it was selfish of me to push him away. I didn't stop to think that Drake wanted or deserved to be there, I didn't stop to consider anything other than the fact that I wanted, and had always wanted, to wallow in silence and solitude.

I snuck quietly and stealthy, or what I perceived to be as such, through the various hallways and corridors. If I had slept in the last 36 hours, it wasn't for more than a few minutes. I felt gross and exhausted and wanted nothing more than a scalding shower and a twelve-hour nap.

I trudged my way up the cobblestone stairway and to my door. Part of me hoped that Drake had camped himself just outside it's barrier waiting for me, but a bigger part of me hoped he stayed far away. At least until I could handle seeing him without turning into a complete mess. Thankfully my latter hopes were granted and I made it into my room, alone.

I shut and locked the door quickly, immediately stepping out of my shoes and shedding my clothes. I all but ran to the shower, throwing the lever to hot and closing the curtain.

I think I squeezed half the bottle of shampoo into my palm, applying a thick layer of soap to my greasy hair and tearstained, sweat ridden skin.

Needless to say I felt like a different person when I stepped out of the bathroom, cleaner than I had probably been in my entire life, and wrapped in a warm, comfy robe.

I instantly collapsed into my comforter, shutting my eyes and willing the darkness of sleep to take over.

But sleep never came. At least, not a constant stream of unconsciousness as I hoped for. The steady stream of black, nothingness was periodically dotted with the dimmed light of reality. A state in which I would open my eyes for a few seconds, contemplate my surroundings, before returning to the familiar darkness. I dreamt, at least, I perceived the random images as those of dreams. They were familiar in a way, the reason being, I soon realized, that they were flashbacks, memories. Pictures of people and places that I have visited frequently. In the long hours of uninterrupted, interrupted 'sleep' all the events, all the problems, and all the words of the last few days seemed to be brought to light.

And, of course, the product of my confusion occupied them all. Not that Drake ever had problems occupying my dreams.

I sighed, curling myself inward, awkwardly clutching my pillow in a way reminiscent of a hug.

I missed him.

I frowned as the re-run of our last conversation was released by my subconscious. I could feel the tears well up as I listened to the hurtful words I threw at him, watched myself close up and demand solitude when it was not my place to demand such a thing.

This experience is not just for me; it's for Drake as well. It's a shared experience, because the female isn't the only one who undergoes the change, the male does as well. He becomes emotionally and permanently linked to his chosen mate. A bond so permanent it defies the laws of reason and possibility. A bond so impenetrable and all consuming that words alone can't describe it. A tattoo on the skin is only the first step. The real mark is branded on the heart.

In the following moments the exhaustion became too overpowering and the darkness that I had once hoped for swallowed the dreams whole, depleting each memory, each whispered word, until I was left with nothing but rest.

0~0~0~0~0

I was terribly lethargic when I awoke, worried momentarily that the darkness would come back to pull me under, but relived when the consciousness returned to my slow moving limbs. It took effort to throw back the covers and right myself.

I placed the flat of my palm against the smooth oak nightstand, blinking away the remnants of long-lost dreams and discovering that I had, in fact, slept well into the night. Confirmation of this fact being the pale moonlight that seemed to slip so effortlessly through the slits in the closed blinds.

I padded my bare feet across the plush of the carpet, shrugging the robe I had slept in from my shoulders and throwing on a comfortable pair of cotton shorts and a long-sleeved t-shirt. I grabbed my keys and a pair of sneakers before making my way downstairs.

As I suspected, very little life was present in the hallways. The only noises that I encountered protruded from the direction of the cafeteria where I suspected the low hum to be emanating from the large dishwasher housed in the back kitchen.

I raked a hand through my slightly damp hair, my loosely held fingers encountering an array of knots, but my brain not seeming to register or care. I wasn't exactly sure what my mission was, but I knew it involved Drake.

My eyes searched lazily along the brick adorned walls of the main hallway, finding a large grandfather clock whose face told me the time was exactly two AM. Another day closer to the sixth. Through the large windows I caught site of the three quarter moon, cursing inwardly at its unyielding arrival.

I sighed, kicking the toe of my sneaker along the cobbled floor as I made my way to front entrance.

"He's not on patrol." I stopped abruptly at the noise, the hairs on the back of my neck rising in reaction to the unexpected voice. I turned my face slightly to meet Lucas' patient gaze.

"Oh." I responded, awkwardly turning the entirety of my form to face my boss. I crossed my arms over my chest. "Where is he?" I wondered in a quiet whisper.

Lucas merely shrugged. "He didn't show up for his shift. I assume he's in his quarters." The nonchalance of his voice angered me. He assumed?

"You assume?" I asked incredulously, voicing my inner thoughts. "You didn't bother to make sure?" Once again Lucas shrugged.

"I'm not his babysitter, besides, he didn't look all that approachable when I saw him a few hours ago." Lucas gave me a sideways glance. "You know, don't you?" It was definitely not his place to wonder at such a thing.

"Know what?" I asked, my tone thick with sarcasm as I made to walk past him. But Lucas merely followed, his footsteps easily falling into step with my own as I made my way back toward the staircase.

"Did you turn him down?" He wondered, his tone changing to one of hesitance. The underlying seriousness of the question caught me off guard, but only momentarily. I knew it was different for the males of our society. If I had turned Drake down, Lucas knew that he would end up alone for the rest of his days. At least, that's what the legends said.

It hurt to know that Lucas thought me capable of such a thing. "Of course not." I spat, even more anxious to find Drake and to be left alone.

Lucas gave me a long, calculating glance before moving away from my impatient form. "I'm giving you the rest of the week off." He stated simply, shoving his hands into his pockets as his tall form disappeared around the corner.

Part of me wanted to question why, knowing that he was only being so courteous because of the upcoming moon, but we both knew nothing of consequence was going to take place that night.

Another part of me, the part that won, thought it best to not say a thing and take the time off in stride. "More time to spend with Drake." I whispered to myself, as I worked my way back up the staircase to Drake's floor.

_More time to grovel to Drake. _I sighed at the thought, dragging my fingers along the length of the railing as I approached his floor. I dragged my sneaker-clad feet onto the landing and then slowly, anxiously, and nervously made my way to his door.

No lights were on, and an overwhelming fear that he wasn't there encompassed me completely, but then I thought better of it. After all, I was the one seeking him out at this ungodly hour.

I pressed my ear up against the face of the door, hoping to catch a confirmatory snore or the quiet padding of feet. I heard neither, but somehow I knew he was there. I ... felt it... however strange and impossible that might sound.

I thought about reaching out to him by way of our strange mind-reading connection... but I hadn't yet gotten a grasp on that yet. I would need his help and a bit of practice before I got that one down.

I hoped that after the moon, maybe I would be better able to access his thoughts.

I raised a closed fist toward the mahogany door, snapping my wrist forward to issue the softest of knocks. I wasn't worried that he wouldn't hear the noise, what with his super-wolf hearing. I was more worried he had been able to hear me since my arrival at the door.

I was worried that, even though I couldn't access his, he was reading my own thoughts.

_Great._

"Drake." I whispered, after a few silent moments, resting my forehead against the smooth grain of the door. "Please." I offered.

It continued to be silent for the following minutes.

I felt so defeated in that moment, but then I heard something.

Footsteps... and then... he was there. The jiggling of the brass handle startled me, and I stumbled a bit to regain my lost footing as he pried the door open just a crack.

I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me upon seeing his face. Whatever connection we shared seemed to come to life in that moment, my heart seemed to jump-start into overdrive.

He seemed angry, and why wouldn't he be? I had been a jerk at best in our last conversation. This should have been an effortless day for me, declaring me as his choice, asking me to be his 'forever'.

It was all I could do to keep my arms pinned to my sides, when it was so obvious that they longed to be wrapped around his neck, his waist, his shoulders. I just wanted to hold him and to be held in turn.

"Logan." His voice was so monotonous; I frowned at the sound, my fingers continuing to shake.

I couldn't find my voice, I couldn't form rational thought... or so it seemed.

_I'm sorry._ It wasn't much, but I needed to get something across.

A flash of something seemed to cut across his handsome features, before he pushed the door open wider in a gesture of invitation.

I didn't know if it was an act of forgiveness, not that I deserved such an act, I just knew it meant he was ready to listen.

_Commence the groveling._

The room was dark, as I suspected, but the bed didn't look unmade.

I didn't take Drake to be the suffer in silence and...darkness type. But I knew that idea was stupid. Drake didn't need the light, he can see just as well in the dark.

Something I will have to get used to, I guess.

I hoped he realized that... that I wanted to get used to these unfamiliar quirks. I wanted to get used to having someone else... to get used to caring for someone.

"It wouldn't hurt to let yourself be cared for, as well." His voice startled me. I wanted to berate him for intruding on my thoughts, but I figured this wasn't the best time... besides... we were a team now.

Partners. My thoughts were his and vise versa... hopefully. Maybe when I finally figured out how to do that on my own.

I sighed a bit in frustration, toeing off my sneakers and moving to sit on the bottom edge of his dark comforter. As my eyes adjusted in the darkness I was able to make out the outline of his tall form, highlighted by the pale moonbeams as they came sneaking through his open drapes. He looked so strong and I felt my heart flutter just the slightest bit, the motion another sign of our strange connection.

In the soft light I watched his face, so familiar yet so new turn into a slight frown. He didn't move to sit beside me, and that was fair. I had been selfish and had disappeared for the rest of the day. A day that should have been a cherished one for the both of us.

I could feel the angry tears prick at the backs of my eyes. Not angry at him, of course, only with myself. In true Logan fashion I was messing things up before they even had a chance to begin.

"I don't know what to say." I found myself confessing, the words escaping in a desperate sigh as I dropped my face toward my kneecaps. I crossed and uncrossed my ankles, my eyes everywhere but where they should be.

"I didn't mean to yell at you... this whole day... it just seems so surreal to me." I tilted my sad face toward his own, memorizing the angle of his torso as he leant against a desk across from my place on the bed. "I had always planned to go through this alone, Drake." I heard him inhale heavily as if he were holding back his anger. I turned my glassy gaze toward his beautiful face, continuing. "I had always planned to _be _alone."

"You don't have to be alone." He whispered quietly, his tone sharp. _I know that now._ I thought, imploring him with my thoughts to realize how confused I was and how unsettled I feel.

"I get that things are going to be different now... a good different... but when you spend most of your life telling yourself that you're just going to be an outsider looking in, alone and unchanging... it's hard to accept any other possibility." I blinked, letting a few teardrops wet my lashes, but swiping my thumb across my eyelids to catch them.

"I... I am happy, Drake." I whispered, hoping he at least understood that I loved him... even if I hadn't verbalized that thought.

I heard the desk squeak as he pushed himself into a standing position. Heard the wooden floor squeak underneath his footsteps. He took a seat beside me on the bed, and his nearness triggered that longing to be physically connected to him in some way.

I didn't want to smother him, so I simply reached for his hand. Tangling my fingers with his own and placing our knotted hands along the top of my bare thigh.

"I want you to be there... if that's what you want. But I don't want to go out to some lair... it would feel too fake." I felt as he squeezed my fingers, the gesture keeping me calm. "Where did you go for your transformation?" I wondered aloud.

But then I remembered he was a shifter before he moved here. He answered me nonetheless. "I shifted in the mountains near my home." I nodded.

"Was it painful?" I wondered, my mind screaming in protest as the words left my lips. Part of me didn't want to even go there, I would never experience it, so why would it matter if I knew? But I wanted to know, I didn't experience it, and I couldn't share my own experience with him... but he could share his with me if he wanted.

He gave me a strange look but nodded. "I was sore for days afterward... I just didn't want to move." He shrugged, but my eyes yearned for more details. I wanted to know what it was like; I wanted to live vicariously through him.

My mate.

His gaze snapped to mine, the slightest of smiles pulling at his smooth cheeks.

"Yours." He agreed, tilting his head to lean against the top of mine. I felt him drape an arm around my waist, holding me in the way I so craved.

"I don't know how to explain it, Lo." I sighed at the sound of my nickname. "It hurt... as if someone were breaking and bending my bones, one after the other. I can't remember if I screamed, because I felt deaf in those brief moments. Everything went dark and then... then I was lying as a wolf." I lifted my fingers to set along his fore arm, tracing patterns and shapes in the smooth skin there.

"How long did you stay in wolf-form?" I questioned, wanting.. no... needing him to continue. "Hours. I eventually found my footing and was able to stand on my own. I practiced shifting into both forms and then just... slept."

I remained silent hoping he would go on, but it was clear that I wouldn't be getting much more out of him. "Do you like being a wolf?" I wondered, tilting my face so that our foreheads were pressed together.

He held me silently. "It doesn't feel any different... it's just another shape..." I frowned. "I want that." I whispered, blinking away my frustrated tears. I shrugged my shoulders, putting a few inches of distance between the two of us.

"Hey," He dropped his hold around my waist, but brought a lonesome finger to trace the line of my jaw, tilting my face upwards toward his. "Don't hide. It's okay to want that... I wish I could give that to you..."

I shook my head. "No, no. Don't worry about me." I inwardly scowled at myself. I had for so long trained myself into accepting this and here I was reverting back into empty hopes and lost dreams. "It just wasn't meant to be." I gave him a sad look, bringing my palm up to cradle his face. "I have you. That's more than I ever hoped for." I answered honestly, giving him a half-smile as he bent his lips toward mine.

The kiss was gentle and I let my tears fall, sad tears for what he experienced that I never will. Happy tears for knowing that I, at least, get to call Drake my best and truest friend for the rest of my life. Relieved tears for finding his forgiveness when I was so sure I had once more ruined my chances.

I felt Drake's fingers tangle in the hair at the back of my neck, my jaw unhinging to allow his warm tongue access into my mouth.

We fell backward onto the comforter, and he pulled me to his chest dropping soft, open-mouthed kisses to my cheeks and throat. I tucked my face into the hollow where his neck meets his shoulder and fell into a dark, contented silence.

His arms danced lightly across the length of my back as I memorized the depth of every breath inhaled and the warmth of every breath exhaled. The soft, steady stream of air dancing across the top of my scalp.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked suddenly, of course the question caught me off guard. Where did I want to go? I knew exactly what he meant. I couldn't supply him with an answer as it was.

"I just want to be with you." I answered simply, hoping the truthfulness and the honesty of the words masked their cheesy undertones. I heard him chuckle a bit at that thought, but he nodded and although I couldn't see the movement, I felt it against the skin of my forehead.

"This is something you need to decide, I'm not going to interfere. I promise to be there for you, but you need to pick the location." He insisted, his fingers moving to pet my soft hair. I sighed at the touch, staying quiet as I thought about my original plans for that night.

Tub of ice cream. Movie marathon. Feeling sorry for myself.

It was just going to be a normal night. And as much as I hated to admit it. It was going to be very similar to the night of junior prom. Drake was right about me hiding that night. I had sheltered myself away from the rest of the crowd, not wanting to have any sort of fun.

"My mom bought be two airplane tickets for my birthday." I heard myself confess. Where was I going with this? I felt panicked all of a sudden... and then, relived. "I can use them to go anywhere in the US." I continued, sitting up slightly so I could see his face. He gave me a calculating glance, but nodded slowly.

"I want you to come with me... I don't care where we go, but I don't think I can be here." The words took me by surprise. These were my woods...why wouldn't I want to experience the 'non-experience' here, in my home.

"Are you sure...?" He spoke, his question mirroring my thoughts.

I paused, calculating my options. "Yes." I wanted to be far away from here when that moon rose. Somewhere new, somewhere fresh. "I want to go where you shifted." I stated, watching as Drake's eyebrow's rose in disbelief.

0~0~0~0~0

_A/n: Hey people! I'm back! Sorry, I thought I explained I was going to be gone in the last chapter... thats an oopsie on my part. I am at college now and I needed a few days to get my bearing in and a routine down. But I'm back! And I am going to finish this story so, no worries on that part! :D Hope you liked the chapter!_

_~Lauren :D _


	16. Decisions

~ **Chapter Fourteen **~

My mind was racing, my thoughts so scattered yet so focused on achieving this new notion of distance. Distance from everything, from everyone. Distance from this place, from these people, from this forest. I needed the distance, I craved it. Let the miles pass and fly behind me, I wanted to escape. I squeezed Drake's fingers, the determination bringing a focused smile to my cheeks as I stared up at his bewildered form.

"Lo, are you sure?" He wondered, applying an equal amount of pressure to my own hand, bending his elbow to bring our bodies within closer proximity to one another. His other hand found purchase against my waist, where his forearm wrapped and rested to form a protective band. He bent his face toward the top of my head, his forehead coming to rest against mine. The look in his eyes, so hesitant, so worrisome that it threw me for the slightest loop, but my racing heart and unrelenting mind wouldn't be deterred.

"I want this. I want to feel connected to you in that way. I have never felt apart of anything here." It had always been me looking in on a world I couldn't touch or perceive. "You have always been tangible." My voice was shaky, but the words were as truthful as my racing heart and scattered mind would allow.

I loved Drake. But this wasn't either of our worlds. These woods, although my home for the seventeen years of my so far existence, have always been foreign and untouchable. Drake had chosen his place of transformation for a specific reason; he had felt a closeness or a calmness about the area. I wanted to go there too. I wanted to experience everything the way he did, even if that meant just seeing it and being there.

"Logan...maybe after your moon we can visit, but this," He pulled away gesture in a wide arch with his left arm. "Is your home." I felt a slight frown pull at the sides of my mouth, but before I could speak my thoughts of protest and reasoning his lips were on mine. Softly, just once, twice he pressed his mouth against mine, his fingers moving from my waist to cup the back of my neck. The gesture was distracting enough, but his close proximity was tugging at the edges of my mind. His thoughts slowly but surely intertwining with my own, and I could do nothing to hold them back. I could do nothing to keep them at bay, at the distance that I now craved.

_This isn't what you want, Logan. _His voice echoed around the confines of my subconscious, battling reason with reality.

_What do I have here that I don't have there? _I wondered, becoming all the more distracted by his lips as they navigated a path along the side of my neck, pausing briefly to pay homage to my pulse point.

_Besides everything? _He wondered, the words giving off a teasing air. I took in a ragged breath, as if preparing myself to speak but my coherent thoughts couldn't be made into the words I so longed for.

_I can't be here that night... facing that sort of rejection... It would be easier someplace else, someplace unfamiliar where everything is new and distracting. _Drake's mouth paused and he took in a quick breath, his nose tickling the hollow at the base of my throat. This time he spoke the words, his tone unnecessarily sad.

"That may be so, but either way...if this moon won't bring you your transformation, you are going to have to deal with it. Whether it be that night, or a few days later when we return." My eyes turned hard, the need to yell, to scream my wishes was burning a hole in both my mind and my throat. My voice... I just wanted to be heard, I needed him to see that I couldn't do this. With or without him, I wasn't going to be able to mentally survive that night.

"I don't want to have to _deal_ with anything." I admitted, feeling the tears prick, form and fall from the hollows of my eyes, their trails marring and marking my skin as they slid along my cheekbones and dripped into the shallow dip where throat meets collarbone.

"I don't want you to have to deal with all of this, either." He whispered, his arms encircling my waist as he guided my head to his chest. "You don't deserve the cards you have been dealt. And I wish there was someway I could take this pain away from you...but if it's true, I can't." He admitted, his voice sounding all sorts of pained and ashamed. I didn't want him to feel that way, because even if he couldn't help me physically transform, he has already supplied me with transformation of mindset and heart.

I loved him, didn't he see that? Wasn't it so obvious?

His cerulean gaze found mine then, his mouth set in a gentle smile. "I love you too, Logan." My breath caught in my throat as he dipped his head to place a soft kiss along the edges of my scalp. "That's why I can't let you do this." He admitted, his voice gentle but the sense of finality was resounding.

I was too distracted, too overwhelmed to think of a proper reason or retort. The tears continued to fall.

"We both know how much these woods mean to you, they are all you have ever known." I dropped my eyes to the floor, embarrassed to admit the truth behind his words, too petulant to consider what staying would mean.

"It doesn't have to be near Wolford, you haven't seen the whole woods, we could find some place new and different to both of us." He offered, his hands rubbing soothing circles into my back.

"Just think about it, please."

0~0~0~0~0

Drake left me to my own devices then, promising to find me later after his shift. I felt hollow and empty as soon as I lost sight of him. The mental connection not strong enough yet to withstand a distance of more than a few feet.

I felt lightheaded in both the giddy and the overwhelmed sense. I knew what he was saying was right, but like everything else, I wanted to run away from it.

I shoved my hands into my pockets, walking slowly and mindlessly through the grounds and the maze of brick and concrete. By now it was late, and I hadn't seen Lily in what felt like forever.

I made my way to the infirmary.

The halls were quiet; occasionally I would pick up the distinct sounds of rubber padding against tile as I made my way toward the vending machines. I was starving, and proceeded to purchase a juice and a small bag of pretzels in the hopes to loosen the tense knot that now resided in my stomach.

I had so little time...so little time to even begin to allow myself to come to terms. I wasn't naive to think I had made any sort of psychological progress in the last seventeen years. No, I have spent nearly two decades running from my pre-destined 'fate', always pining for the opposite result, something I know I will never have.

It was late now, maybe eleven or so in the evening. It was completely likely that Lily will have fallen asleep by now; a somber yet resigned Austin at her side. I didn't think I could be in the room with the two of them. It wasn't that it was hard for me to understand their love for one another; it just made me sick when realization that she would be able to join him in both aspects of his life that bothered me the most. It was selfish of me to keep Drake to myself when he could share so much more with a shifter.

_But you love him. _A voice inside me echoed, the tone fierce in its truthfulness.

"Yes, yes I do." I whispered to myself. And Drake, Drake loved me as well in some form or another.

This bit of knowledge helped to take the edge off of the guilty resignation. It helped to ebb the overwhelming tides of unnecessary reconsideration and fear that I seemed to experience in regular, swollen intervals.

I sighed, approaching the familiar door and twisting the knob, the force gently swaying the wood into cooperation as an entryway into the dark room was presented forth.

Just as I expected she was asleep, barely moved from the position I left her in, the only difference being the strong body wrapped around her delicate form, cradling her to his chest as if to protect her from any further harm or unease.

This is what love looked like; in it's purest and most seemingly unobtainable form. Something inside me seemed to convulse and my cheeks flamed with apologetic embarrassment. I quietly swung the door shut before my intrusion could be discovered, before either of them was stirred from their elegant slumber.

My nerves were shot as I dragged my lethargic form away from the numbered room and back down the hallway. I paused in brief consideration of the elevator, but upon further examination decided a walk was just what I needed. Maybe the soreness in my joints would relieve my mind of its loud protesting and arguing.

It took what felt like decades to exit the infirmary, and centuries more to reach the stairway. I placed my hand against the cool bricks, slowly taking the steps one by one.

Drake told me he would come find me after his shift. What did that mean if I was already asleep? Should I wait for him in his room or retire to mine as per usual?

I decided on the later option, wanting to change into pajamas and lose myself in the world of meaningless dreams.

_Bring on the pillows._

After shedding my day clothes and slipping into a wife beater and some basketball shorts I all but dove into the covers, tangling my legs into the sheets and inhaling deeply the thick scent of downy and detergent.

Sometime later I found myself being stirred awake, feeling soft fingers trace the length of my arms and the mattress beside me dip low to the floor as a familiar warm body contorted itself around my own.

"Drake?" I chocked, my voice coated in sleep and exhaustion. I felt the arms wrap tighter around my middle as I felt my head being guided to a warm chest. "Shush, Lo. Go back to sleep." He insisted, spreading his fingers along the length of my back and dropping sweet, distracting kisses down the side of my scalp and cheek.

"Mmkay." I managed to say before the fog of sleep once more overpowered me.

0~0~0~0~0

I awoke much, much later. Late enough for the sun to reach it's point of climax in the sky. Late enough to catch glimpses of the morning bird's final chords of song. Blinking the sleep out of my eyes, I craned my neck away from its resting place along Drake's cloth covered chest, my eyes searching for his, but his square jaw blocked the view. I didn't dare disturb him when he seemed so peaceful, so free and serene in a world of sub-conscious creation. I wondered briefly if I would be able to peek into such dreams and images if I were to gently press my forehead against his and concentrate as he had taught me.

What would he dream of? Of beautiful things, obviously. Things that were so seemingly perfect they were almost incomprehensible. Flashes of the forest, the changing seasons, the feel of warm earth underneath dark paws. His would be a mind filled with the chords and notes of a thousand songs. But in this fantastic world, could my own image or presence ever make an appearance?

He was all my mind ever seemed to conjure up behind closed eyelids.

I sighed deeply, returning my cheek to the crook where his throat met his shoulder, inhaling deeply his sweet woodsy smell, all mint and oranges and soft earth after a mid-morning rain. His essence calmed me, lulling me into that peaceful in-between one discovers just before you allow your body to fall into slumber.

I, however, did no such thing, not willing to waste one moment of memorizing such perfection as his. Was he really all mine, was this all just a fantasy, a mere dream... a blind hope. Could he ever love me the way I loved him?

I knew he did in some semblance; it was the magnitude that I didn't understand. I was sure he would never be able to comprehend the magnitude, the amount, the resonance of the love I harbored toward him, for him, and of him.

I let my lips press gently into the fabric of his dark t-shirt, the fresh smell of cotton bringing a smile to my face. I molded my body along the length of his own, feeling the planes of muscles of his athletic figure mold to the soft counterparts of my own.

I felt so safe here, now, in this moment. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than a future with Drake. Nothing.

Although it didn't seem like it now, I could live a static life if I had him there as a constant support, the other half of my being...even if I thought my inability to shift held him back.

I could get over it all, I could move on like I had always known I would one day have to do. I could face these fears head on; I would do it...for him. Because who else, what else did I have to live for? He was the only thing that mattered to me, his tangibility kept me anchored to this place.

_I love you. _I thought, hoping the words were existent in both our minds. These words were not for me to keep for myself any longer. If Drake wanted a life with me, than who was I to complain? After all, he was worth the fight.

I felt his arms tense around my middle then, as if my words had in fact reached the mass of nerve endings beneath his skull. I gasped lightly, surprised at his immediate reaction, but secretly awe struck by our obvious connection.

He inhaled deeply that way one does right before they wake up. My heart fluttered, anticipating the familiar cerulean gaze.

He blinked a few times, a smile painting across his face when he noticed my very much awake form.

"Enjoying the view?" He wondered, his voice slightly horse as he tossed me a wink. I wanted to roll my eyes at him, and I would have if they weren't so focused on his perfectly angular features.

I offered him a soft 'maybe', his grin widening in response but I couldn't be bothered with supplying him a proper rebuttal as my fingers had moved from their resting place on his hip to trace the curve of his jaw.

His smile fell then, his eyes shutting in soft content as he allowed me the time to properly memorize his every feature.

I traced the line of his jaw up and across the curve of his ear, the pads of my fingers catching on the light smattering of stubble along his prominent cheekbones. His deep black hair fell in tousled disarray along his eyes and around the tops of his ears.

I scratched gently at the very edge of his scalp, basking in the low sounds that emanated from his throat in response to the action.

"Have you thought any more about my suggestion?" He whispered calmly, the question hanging in the air in a light, very non-threatening way. His tone made me feel at ease even if the words cut and tore at my ravaged insides.

I hummed a bit in answer, giving him a queasy sideways grin that I assumed wasn't the least bit convincing. I couldn't say what I needed to out loud, I hadn't quite gotten to the point where I could freely and openly discuss what lay ahead in just a few short days.

I didn't want to have to admit that I didn't know what I wanted, it was hard enough having my sub-conscious reiterate the sentiment in frantic, non-stop intervals throughout each day and night.

So I did what I could, what I always do in times of stress. I stayed silent, choosing to instead communicate with our newfound connection. I braced my weight on my elbows, leaning forward ever so slightly to rest the smooth skin of my forehead against his mirrored pale flesh.

_I don't know what I want. _I admitted, my thoughts dripping with fear, aggravation, and exhaustion. Why couldn't it be a month from now, a year, a decade... why couldn't I have already dealt with this in a healthy and do-able way?

_It's okay to be confused._ He rationalized, making me inwardly cringe. I didn't like the idea of being confused, it was unsettling and unfair. I felt his warm palm cup the side of my neck, his thoughts portraying an image of a desperately sad version of my reflection, opening my moss green eyes. I followed suite, exposing the glass panes of my haphazard soul, witnessing the look of sadness and understanding as it etched itself into his features.

"Do what you need to do for you, Logan." He whispered, our eyes locked in an intense fashion. _I'll follow you wherever you go._

And with those thoughts, those words encompassing the edges and depths of my mind he rolled my onto my back, his fingers tangling gently in the fragments of my blonde mane as his lips covered my own.

"I love you." I whispered between pressed sentiments, my eyes closing of their own accord as he settled his weight against and around me. Once more the feeling of total content molded and shaped around my very being. I knew that I would never find a place so safe as his arms, never feel so undeterred, so completely weightless.

His lips never ceased; instead his thoughts whispered the words back to me. Over and over and over again until they blocked out all the worries and pressures and uncertainties of my every day life. Leaving me to float in the gentle ibis of his touch and his mouth, where nothing was more important than fighting for this connection, then learning to grow with him in this and every way.

"I want to stay... I'm not ready to face this moon, I don't think I ever will be... but I know that having you, loving you, and knowing you love me...that's enough. It's more than I had ever hoped for."

0~0~0~0~0

_A/n: Okay people, I'm back! Sorry about the long wait, college is leaving me with very little free time and even fewer places to get into a zone where I can write non-stop like I can usually do at home. I hope everyone liked the chapter, I plan to finish this story hopefully by early december at the latest. Next chapter Drake declares her as his own, who is excited? _

_~Lauren_


	17. Understandings

_"I want to stay... I'm not ready to face this moon, I don't think I ever will be... but I know that having you, loving you, and knowing you love me...that's enough. It's more than I had ever hoped for."_

-0-0-0-0-0-

I felt a soft blush creep along the pale flesh of my cheeks, the blood warming my face. The sentiment brought a gentle, quiet smirk to Drake's lips and I returned the gesture with gratitude and pride in the honesty I thought impossible to bring about.

"Good." He responded, lifting his fingers to trace the line of my jaw. The hesitant way he brought his fingers to my face made my heart stammer and I smirked, ducking my eyes from his face.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as he leaned slowly forward, tilting his face to leave a soft peck on my forehead. "I have to leave for my shift in a half hour. Are you going to be okay on your own for the day?" He wondered, shaking away the bed covers.

I raised my eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

He raised his own brow in return. "Because your moon is in two days."

His response felt like a punch to the gut, but I attempted to suppress the nerves.

"I'll be fine." I answered, knowing it was true. I was going to be fine.

"Okay." He spoke, dropping his gaze from me and making his way toward the bathroom. "I'm going to grab a quick shower and then head downstairs." I nodded and took it as a cue to give him some privacy.

"Sure. I'm just gonna grab some breakfast." I pulled back the comforter and planted my bare feet onto the soft carpet, taking the few necessary steps toward the door.

"Find me later?" I asked, placing my hand against the doorknob.

"Of course." He assured with a soft nod. I smiled, pulling the door open.

The door shut behind me with a gentle 'click' and I made my way towards the staircase and back to my suite.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I dug the key out from the pocket of my sweater, unlocking the door. I dropped my cell and my keys on the nightstand by my bed and shed my pajamas as I made my way toward the shower.

The hot water felt good so I took my time, washing the dirt and grime from the past day or so away from my body and down the porcelain drain.

The shower lasted no more than a few minutes before I was out and toweling drying my hair. I threw on a pair of shorts and a blank tank top, pulling a black hoodie with my high school's insignia on the front over my head.

I combed out the tangles in my damp hair, leaving it loose from a ponytail to allow it to dry. I brushed my teeth and pulled on my hiking shoes before grabbing my keys and my cell and heading toward the cafeteria.

I didn't spend too much time analyzing the lunch options and opted to grab an apple and half a PB&J. I washed it down with a root beer because that stuff's addictive and then grabbed two chocolate chip muffins.

I had a general idea of what I was going to do today, and mopping around wasn't on the agenda.

I took the stairs two at a time to the infirmary floor, I hadn't spoken to Lily in what seemed like ages, but was, in reality, only a day or so.

I gently rapped on the door, peeking my head in slowly incase she happened to be taking a nap. But, this wasn't the case at all. Lily was sitting up, what was once a giant mound of harden blue plaster lay in pieces in a nearby trash bin and a cool, black brace sat along the length of my sister's leg.

"You like?" Her voice rang out clear as a bell, pulling my focus away from her leg to see her happy smile.

"Oh, I'm definitely jealous." I joked, walking toward her to plop myself down on the bottom half of the mattress. It was weird to think that less than a month ago I wouldn't have voluntarily stood within ten feet of my twin and now I was taking up half her hospital bed.

"I knew you would be." She responded, her dark eyes fixating in on the two muffins I had carried in.

"One of those better be for me or I will kick you out." She joked, reaching her pale fingers out to snatch up a muffin. I swear that thing was gone in less than thirty seconds.

"Hungry?" I asked around a short laugh.

"You have _no_ idea. I've been living off applesauce and mystery meat for far too long. I could go for a burger, or some fries..." She giggled, flopping herself back down against the pillows.

"Sounds delicious. The burger, not the mystery meat." My stomach cringed as thoughts of cafeteria style 'Tuna Fish Surprise' fluttered through my head. Ew.

"Obviously."

"Hasn't Austin been sneaking you any food?" I wondered aloud, knowing that if I were in her place I wouldn't let Drake in the room without a slice of pizza or a chocolate bar. Although part of me felt confident that I wouldn't even have to ask...

She blushed a bit, giving me a swift nod. "Of course. I mean... he knows when I'm craving something because when I'm hungry that's all I can ever think about. Last night I was craving some hardcore junk-food and when I woke up from my nap this morning a small bag of Fritos was waiting for me." I smirked at her reminiscing.

"Fritos? He's definitely a keeper." I teased, tearing a piece of muffin off and popping it into my mouth.

"Yea, he's pretty great." She smiled to herself.

There were a few moments of pause after her comment. While I continued to eat my muffin, Lily seemed to have drifted off. I let her fantasize about Austin for a few more minutes before I chucked a bit of muffin at her head to bring her back to reality.

"Hey!" She protested, picking up the sacrificed piece and popping it into her mouth.

"You shouldn't use perfectly delicious baked goods as weapons, Logan." She insisted with a light huff.

"It didn't go to waste." I pointed out, earning an eye roll. I just shook it off, giving her a small smile.

It felt good to back in this place with her - to be on good terms, I mean. Things had been so non-existent for so long that I had started to forget what it meant to have a sibling.

"So, you got your cast off." I pointed out, bringing my legs to dangle over the edge of the bed. I poked gently at the plastic supports on her brace.

"Hands off, dude. I'm determined to be moving around in the next 24 hours." There was a fire behind her words I didn't quite understand, but Lily had always been determined to accomplish her goals.

"Someone's ambitious." I stated hesitantly, doubting that she'd be able to do much more than hobble around by the end of the week. By then the moon will have come and went.

She gave me a sad smile. "I've got to be positive about something these days. It cuts the nerves." She admitted, twisting a piece of hair behind her ear.

Hearing her admit her fears about what was to come felt like a punch to the gut. Lily was unusually cautious when that particular topic was brought up around me, but it was refreshing to realize she wanted someone to share this with.

"I'm nervous too." I offered, hoping to make her feel better. Lily was always the happier twin, she was all smiles and optimism and I just wasn't as 'open-book' as she was. It was hard for me to put myself in her shoes at this moment. The feelings she was discovering about our moon were one's we should be sharing. I wished more than anything that I could be going through this with her, not for me, but for her.

"We'll get through it." She assured, carefully leaning forward to squeeze my hand.

"Yea, we will."

I could feel the conversation slipping again, and I thought about leaving her alone to rest. She noticed and the sad smile was back.

"You don't have to go. I'm not sleeping as often as I used to. They took me off almost all the pain killers." She stated, leaning further forward to grip my hand tighter. I immediately felt guilty; she was obviously getting cabin fever having been down here for weeks.

"Okay. I'll stay." I promised, flipping my palm around to return her squeeze. "So," I began, bringing my feet up beneath my torso so that I was resting on my shins. "Have you and Austin talked about where you want to go?" I wondered.

A look of confusion crossed her face before I clarified, "For the moon, I mean." Her eyes seemed to sparkle at the question and she gently twisted herself onto her side, reaching into the drawer on the night table beside her.

"Actually, I was hoping you'd bring that up." She extracted a folded piece of paper, coming back to face me she unfolded the flaps and smoothed her palm over the folds. My eyes widened slightly, taking in the paper's contents.

"Is this...?" It looked like a map of the park, but not one of the one's we hand out to the tour groups before taking them on the trails. No. This map wasn't of the various campsites; it was of all of the pack's lairs.

"Where did you get this?" I wondered, knowing that Lucas probably wouldn't appreciate a map of all our secret safe houses getting into the wrong hands.

"Don't tell anyone I have it. Only you and Austin have seen it. I've just been..bored in here. When Austin is on his shift or when he's asleep I just... I need to _do _something. You know?" I nodded, my eyes dancing across the colorful page once more.

"Did you draw this?" I asked, running the pad of my pointer finger against the upper corner. I came away with soft smudges of charcoal and green.

"Yea." She responded, blushing.

"Lily... this is _really_ good. I... I didn't know you were interested in art." I admitted, the familiar wave of guilt seeming to swallow me whole with this realization.

"Yea, well, music has always been your thing; guitar, piano. I needed some way to express myself too, so I picked up a sketch book and just... lost myself."

I felt so ashamed that I hadn't ever noticed what Lily liked to do for fun. What other hobbies did she have? Did she have other pictures at home in her room? Why hadn't I ever seen them?

The drawing was so detailed, showing nearly all the lairs I'd come to explore in my lifetime and a few I had heard of but did not recognize.

An overwhelming urge to cry caused my throat to swell up with tears. I traced the section of paper that had a small gold dot beside it. I looked up at Lily, my eyes felt red and swollen as I held back the tears, but she seemed to understand the question behind them.

"That's the one we want to go to." She answered, placing her hand almost reverently over the image of the waterfall lair. "It just seems so...romantic. So magical." She let out a soft giggle. "It seems silly when you think about it, but this will be one of the most important nights of my life and I want it to be perfect. I want it to be everything that I've ever hoped for. You know?" I didn't, but I nodded anyway.

I had never been one to express my emotions in front of an audience. Lily didn't have a problem dreaming of that night. Being happy and scared and anticipating every small detail. I had held it in for so long, suppressing the urge to wonder about the "what if's" and "maybes" that I had never given thought about where I would go.

Until now.

"You're going to be so happy." I stated, giving her as meaningful a smile as I could conjure up. I really was impressed with Lily's attitude about everything and I was grateful that she lived her life in such an optimistic way. I didn't understand it one bit, but it was refreshing to know that she so deserved everything that she was about to experience.

"I hope so." She responded, scooting herself closer to me on the mattress.

"Have you decided where you're going?" She wondered aloud, her eyes gazing along the page before resting on my face. I gave her a weak smirk.

"Not really." I admitted, feeling even guiltier that I had waited till the last possible moment to think about this night. It wasn't fair to myself, but it was especially unfair for Drake. He had done so much for me and I was constantly throwing more of my problems in his face at the most inconvenient times.

I had held it in for so long and now that staring at this beautiful, charcoal drawing of the woods I'd come to fall in love with in my short lifetime, I let the first few tears fall.

"Logan?" Her voice was highlighted with alarm and she leaned even further forward to wrap her arms around my shoulders. The position couldn't have been comfortable for her as I could see her brace digging into the skin of her thigh.

"I'm so sorry, Lily." I spoke, lifting my own hand to grip the back of her t-shirt.

It wasn't fair of me to break down in front of her right now. Lily had just admitted to me only moments before that she was dealing with her own fears about the moon, dealing with the consequences of my emotional instability wasn't something she should ever have needed to think about.

I attempted to reign myself in as best I could, pulling away awkwardly to sit back on the bed.

"What about the stream lair?" She whispered after a few long moments. I lifted my watery gaze back to the page, seeing her fingers pressed against one of the less popular lairs.

"It's not so far from here, only half a day's journey or so down into the valley."

I nodded, visualizing the path we'd need to take and the terrain we would need to cross. "I haven't been there in such a long time." I mused, my memories flitting back to a time when I played wolf with Lily in the forest.

"The waterfall lair is even farther though." I pointed out, directing a worried look toward her injured leg. She rolled her eyes at my skeptical expression.

"I'll have you know I can wiggle my toes now." She huffed, sticking her tongue out at me. I laughed softly, smirking at her.

"I don't think you're toes are going to get you very far." I answered honestly, folding Lily's map in half and then once more into fourths.

"They won't, but my crutches will get me some of the way. Austin can take me the rest of the way. I have full range of motion in my knees, and I'm expected to heal quickly after my first shift. I just need to get there." She reasoned, taking the now folded paper and shoving it back into the drawer.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry so much about me; focus on yourself for the next few days. I'll be discharged tomorrow morning and tomorrow afternoon Austin and I will head for the lair." I nodded; glad to see that she seemed intent on this plan. She was happy and everything else would fall into place for her, I knew it would.

For now though, it was time for me to let her get some rest. Although she had Austin to lean on when it came to making the journey to the waterfall, she would still need all her strength and more to get there in enough time.

"Sounds like a plan." I commented, shifting my weight to slide off the bed and onto the floor. "I'm gonna let you get some rest now. I've got some stuff to take care of." I said, waving as I made my way toward the door.

"Okay. Find me before you guys head out." She requested, falling back onto the pillows and scooting herself down onto her back. The last thing I saw before shutting of the light was Lily pulling the soft, blue comforter over her head.

"Sure thing."

-0-0-0-0-0-

It was nearing early evening by the time I made it back to my suite. My conversation had left me feeling content, and I was glad I had taken the hour or so that I did to check in on her. I had been incredibly selfish these past few years, caring only about my own issues and in the process pushing hers aside.

My thoughts drifted to Lily's sketch of the woods and the sense of guilt the images brought forth sent a feeling of unsettledness to the pit of my stomach. How had I overlooked so many things these past few years?

How had I let myself become so unattached?

I didn't know and I didn't want to think about the way Lily must have felt. She deserved a better sister than me.

I shook my hair out, reaching onto my nightstand to grab a hair-tie. I twisted my hair into a haphazard braid down the length of my back and swiped on my favorite Chap Stick.

"It's not going to get much better than this." I admitted, grabbing my cell phone and heading, once more, toward the door.

Shutting it behind me I pocketed the brass key and took the stairs to the main level two by two.

Drake was more than likely on the last leg of his shift, which was fine. I needed a bit more time to process what Lily had brought up; the lair I would go to in two nights time.

The stream lair was one of the more simple places the shifters had created for themselves. Like the waterfall it was nestled in one of the park's natural valleys. We called it the stream lair because you needed to follow the path of the stream in order to find the patch of trees that marked it's entrance.

I reached the large doors moments later, pushing through them and making my way toward the back gate. My steps were slow and languid as I approached the entrance into the forest.

My boots fell heavily to the ground with each step I took, the soles sinking deep into the moist ground. I felt tired and confused, but I knew I had a lot to consider.

I hoped, mostly, that my hike would clear my head and force me to stop procrastinating. My moon was in less than 48 hours, and regardless of the fact that I would remain static, this experience isn't just for me. It's for Drake.

I hadn't even had a semblance of an idea for where to go.

I suppose I went through my Waterfall phase as a child but it would feel to fake going there now. Not that it matters; Lily wants to be there. So, of course, I will let her.

The stream lair was convenient to get too. Not too far, but equally safe as any other lair.

Part of me wanted to lose myself in these woods though. I wanted to bring Drake and just...run. Start a new life somewhere else where none of these things mattered. But, I could never do that to him or to my friends or family.

I won't leave Lily again. I've already put her through so much.

I kicked a stray stick lying across the path.

We could go to the farthest lair. Somewhere I haven't really explored. I know there is a lair in the side of a mountain at the edge of the valley. But was it worth such a long trip to just ... do nothing?

I continued walking aimlessly and loudly through the forest. I was usually more careful about taking in my surroundings, allowing myself to become overwhelmed by the sounds of the woods. Tonight I felt... different. Tonight I just wanted to stomp around like a child and kick dirt up. I wanted to disturb the constant beauty. I wanted a reaction of some kind.

But I was just being petulant.

And nothing happened.

-0-0-0-0-0-

At some point the sky started to fade from a pale blue to a soft rose and I decided I had gone far enough. I had stayed on the path, so it would be easy to find my way back to Wolford when the time came. I wouldn't have to worry if it became too dark; I had done night hikes before.

For now though, I wasn't ready to return to reality.

I spotted a large oak a few hundred yards ahead, recognizing it as the tree Drake had perched himself in the night of the summer solstice.

I headed toward the sight, intent on climbing to its taller branches. I would watch the sunset from up there.

I braced the toe of my shoe into a knot at the tree's base and pushed myself onto its lowest branch. I continued climbing for another ten or so feet before perching myself on a thick branch.

I nestled my back up to the trunk, wrapping my fingers around a nearby limb to remain balanced.

The view from up here was spectacular. Everything was so calm and colorful. Not a note of distress or confusion, the picture disturbed only by the soft lines of branches that shielded me from the outside world.

I leaned my head back against the trunk, closing my eyes for just a moment.

And everything seemed still, because it was still. Nothing but the soft sounds of wind and birds and the occasional fluttering of a leaf disrupted the picture.

Opening my eyes again I shifted my legs to hang on either side of the branch. Bracing my weight onto my wrists I leaned forward toward the open air.

I could sense him now, my mental connection buzzing at the edges of my conscience.

One word. _Where?_ The thought was not my own, and I felt my lips pull into a smile as I saw his confused form enter my line of sight.

From above Drake seemed so much smaller. All I could make out from this height was his dark mop of hair and the way his skin seemed to glow in the orange light of the sunset.

"Up here." I whispered low enough that if Drake had been a static he would have missed the brief noise.

I watched as his head snapped up, his eyes quickly zeroing in on my form, perched halfway up the tree.

He smirked, making his way toward the base of the trunk. I couldn't quite see him from this angle, but I could feel the tree's light movements as he made his way up towards me.

This branch wasn't sturdy enough to hold both of our weights, but I wasn't ready to return back to the ground.

"You could have picked a lower branch." I heard him call up, his voice much closer now. The soles of his feet found purchase in a branch only a few feet below me on my left side.

He carefully leaned his torso forward, his hands finding my own branch. Once more I leaned back against the trunk, allowing him more space. He folded his arms underneath his chin, his hands extended toward his chest as he leant his head against the length of my left thigh.

"I saw you leave the grounds." He explained. His face turned away from mine and toward the rapidly fading sun.

"I was hoping you would." I responded, lifting my fingers to rest against the top of his head. My nails pulled at his soft locks.

We were silent for the next few minutes, watching the sky turn from a bright orange to a dark blue.

"This is nice."

"Yea. It is."

I smiled at his comment, shifting my weight to get his attention.

"I can't make a decision." I whispered, watching as he perched his chin against my leg.

The way he was looking at me made me feel exposed, and I saw a smile pull against the edges of his cheeks.

"About what?"

"Everything."

He quirked an eyebrow at me, waiting for my words of explanation. Those words never came.

_I can't decide where to go. I just...I can't picture myself anywhere._

I could feel the tears of frustration and shame pricking at the edges of my vision, but I was so tired of crying that I fought them back.

I felt my branch rattle slightly as he lifted his right hand from its anchoring position against the trunk to reach up toward my face. He brushed a loose piece of hair back behind my ear, his fingers dancing against ear and the side of my neck.

_Tell me what I can do._ He thought, replacing his hand against the bark.

I couldn't formulate a response to that. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do to relieve me of this confusion. It made me love him even more.

_This experience is as much about you as it is about me. _I began, taking in a deep breath as if I were actually voicing these thoughts aloud.

_Which is your favorite lair? If you had lived here before your first shift...where would you have gone?_

His eyes narrowed slightly at my question, but didn't harden in an angry fashion. In my mind I saw flashes of lairs he'd visited since his move here. He must have been thinking about this for a while now, as so many lairs appeared in my mind's eye.

"Are you sure?" His voice startled me slightly, as I was not expecting a verbal response.

I smiled sadly to myself, but assured him of my certainty.

"I'd have gone to the burrow." He announced, his eyes searching my face for a reaction.

The burrow.

I'd overlooked it on Lily's map. It's not a lair that I had visited before. It was a full day's hike to the base of the nearest mountain and a half-mile climb into its foothills before the 'burrow' or the small entrance into the mountain appeared.

I nodded once slowly, my thoughts going dizzy as my eyes began to adjust to the now darkened view.

"Okay."

He gave me a small smile, his thoughts once more asking if I was sure.

"Yes. It's perfect." I answered honestly, carefully leaning forward to press my forehead to the top of his head.

"Thank you."

"Of course, Lo." I felt him tip his head upwards until his lips found mine. I gave him a gentle peck, requesting with my thoughts that we make our way back to the ground.

He nodded, making sure I was steady before making quick work of the branches below until I heard the muted landing of his feet against soft earth.

"Careful." He spoke, his voice firm.

I didn't have much difficulty finding my way back through the maze of leaves and twigs. My eyes had adjusted well and I could focus in easily on each new branch my boots found purchase on.

I was on the ground within minutes, taking my place at Drake's side.

I felt his arm curl around my waist as he turned me toward him, laying a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be." I answered, not knowing if my response was honest, but hoping that I could make it so.

He released his hold of my waist, opting to take my hand instead. He led me back along the path, even though I could see perfectly well where I needed to place each of my feet so as not to trip and fall.

I had only traveled about a mile and a half or so away from Wolford, but as we walked it felt much longer. After another ten minutes passed I became worried that we'd taken a wrong turn.

"Did we go the right way?" I wondered, my voice hesitant as I turned my head back and forth attempting to understand our whereabouts.

"Yup."

I wasn't so sure.

"I think we took a wrong turn..." I mused, slowly my steps and turning my head back in the direction we'd came from.

"Come on, we're going to be late." He urged, giving my hand a small tug to put my focus back on the now sloping path.

"Late?"

Late to where? What was he talking about? My confusion muddled my thoughts and distracted me as we picked up the pace and veered slightly of the path. I clutched Drake's hand tighter, shifting my grip from his palm to his forearm. He chuckled as I pulled myself closer to him, but his mind was filled with wonder over my movement. I raised my mental brow at him, but he just shook his head effectively transitioning his thoughts.

After a few more minutes of hiking the dark became pierced with an orange glow and the smell of fire and sound of muffled whispers became apparent.

I wasn't as nervous as I had been, and I relaxed my grip on Drake's arm, my nose taking in the familiar scent of smoke.

"A party?" I questioned, noticing Drake intently watching my reactions.

He nodded, moving his grip now from my hand back to my waist as he slowed his pace.

We emerged from the tree line then, entering a small, open, field. I recognized it from my days of Ghost in the Graveyard. It was only a mile and a half in the opposite direction of Wolford.

"I was hoping you wouldn't wander in this direction on your afternoon hike." He teased, his face lighting up with pride as we took a seat on a log in front of the roaring bonfire.

The field was full of activity now and the low buzzing of voices seemed to grow louder upon our arrival.

"Finally!" I heard Seth's voice proclaim as he walked up to meet Drake. Seth plopped himself on the log adjacent to us, tearing open a bag of marshmallows.

"Smores?" I wondered, my eyes lighting up at the idea of chocolate.

I could sense Drake mentally rolling his eyes and watched as his face mimicked those thoughts.

"Don't give me that bullshit. No one comes between me and chocolate." I stated, standing up quickly.

"Where did you get those?" I wondered, pointing at Seth's, now half-consumed, bag of marshmallows.

"Cooler." He responded, pointing to the other side of the towering flames.

_Get me some too._ I smirked, bounding around the flames to locate the small black cooler. Inside I found two more bags of marshmallows, two six-packs of beer, and ten bars of Hershey's chocolate.

"Score."

I grabbed a bar, chuckling at the beer, before closing the cooler.

It was good that we were keeping everything sealed. The scent would attract one too many curious bears.

I stood up, my eyes turning back to locate Drake and Seth.

As I stood I realized just how many people were present at this event. Nearly all the shifters were here, Rafe, Lindsey, Connor, Lucas, and Kayla. I took the long way around the fire, taking in more faces.

"Logan!" I whipped my head around at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Lily?" I wondered, my eyes finding her perched atop Austin's lap on their own log.

"What are you doing here?" I wondered, taking in the large leg brace still holding her bones together.

She shifted her gaze to her feet where a large pair of silver crutches lay on the ground.

"Uh, duh. It's a party. Besides, I was only joking about not being able to move around well this morning." She admitted, smirking up at Austin.

"Why?" If she was getting better that's news I wanted her to share, not to keep to herself.

"I wanted to surprise you tonight." She laughed, gently lifting up her leg. The motion made me cringe, and Austin gave her an uneasy look. She continued to smile as she returned her foot to the ground.

"Why didn't you just surprise me this morning?" I wondered, feeling someone move to stand behind me. I wasn't startled in the least when said someone wrapped both arms around my waist from behind.

She just smirked, her eyes lifting from my face to Drake's.

I tilted my head back to look into his eyes. He just smiled, giving me a wink as he stepped in front of me.

I heard him clear his throat, and the whole party seemed to quiet at the sound.

"Logan." He spoke, his voice steady. "In forty-eight hours your moon will be here, and since the first day I met you I knew that I would be the one beside you then." I felt my cheeks turn pink from both happiness at his words and awkwardness of being the center of attention.

I had an idea of what was coming.

"This party is for you, Logan Dawes. Tonight I officially declare you as my mate in front of all of my fellow Dark Guardians and all of our friends." He smiled; reaching into his pocket to pull out a long, silver chain. On the end sat a small white stone shaped like a teardrop.

My eyes widened as he turned me around to clasp the necklace around my throat.

I heard clapping then and a few catcalls coming from Seth's direction.

"Do you accept?" Lucas' voice seemed to piece through my Drake induced haze.

"Yea." I responded quietly, wrapping my arms tightly around Drake's waist and burying my face into his warm chest.

"Thank you." I whispered against the cotton of his black t-shirt.

I pulled away quickly to place the softest of pecks against his lips.

I was never one for PDA, but this seemed an appropriate a time as any.

I reached between us to cradle my new charm between my fingers.

"It's moonstone. Your birthstone." He whispered.

"It's beautiful."

I smiled as he reached up to trace the line of my jaw.

"Just like you."

-0-0-0-0-0-

A/N: It's been a very long time since I've update and I don't really have an excuse. Real life is real life and sometimes it just takes over.

Hope you enjoy :)

More to come soon.

~ Lauren


	18. Time

_A/N: Enjoy, people. This was 21 pages in word. _

-0-0-0-0-0-

By the time we decided to make our way back to Wolford, the bonfire had subsided to nothing more than a few coals. It seemed every shifter I knew had approached me during that time to offer Drake and I their congratulations and well wishes. It felt so strange for me, their words, and this night. I had never given a lot of thought to how I would want to be declared, but this seemed as nice an idea as any. I was glad that Drake didn't decide on anything terribly corny, not that I ever expected he would. He knew me too well.

I constantly found myself twirling the silver chain of my new necklace. I was speechless to find that Drake had bought me a present. The stone was smooth, and the light emitting from both the flames and the nearly full moon made the color glow.

"Do you like it?" Drake wondered, his voice filled with quiet pride as he placed his fingers at the small of my back.

I gave him a short nod, leaning my body to rest in the crook of his side. He wound his arm around my waist in response to the gesture.

"It's beautiful." I answered, offering him a small smile. I felt a blush color my cheeks as I thought back to this evening's events.

"You didn't have to do all of this, you know." I spoke, hoping he caught onto the inflection of gratitude in my voice.

"I had to declare you as my mate, Lo. It comes with the territory and its part of our tradition." He reasoned, leading me toward the edge of the clearing and back to the trail.

Few remained in the clearing now. Only those who were helping to gather up trash and put out the remaining flames.

"There's nothing traditional about us, Drake." I answered honestly.

Drake knew I was insecure about not being a shifter, but I had never really talked to him about my fears of holding him back. He could have any girl he wanted, any _shifter_ he wanted...but he chose me.

Of course I couldn't be happier about the circumstances.

I just realize now, more than ever, how lucky I've been.

Drake didn't respond to my inner musings. Whether he hadn't been listening, or just chose not to remark was a mystery to me.

We continued on our way. The night was dark, but the swollen moon emitted just enough light to highlight the various sticks and stumps that lay in the path.

Drake tightened his hold around my waist until we were practically molded to one another, gently guiding me across the dirt and shifting his weight to let me know where and when to step.

We walked quietly for sometime, the sound of muted footsteps and the low hum of summer bugs following us as fellow partygoers made their way back to the manor.

It seemed I had taken a significant emotional turn from my uncertainties of this afternoon. I felt calm now, and relaxed. I had been feeling so stressed and so scared for the last few weeks that I hadn't let myself take a decent breath. And as the cool night air saturated my neglected lungs, I allowed myself to revel in the reality that my life was functioning rather gracefully.

I had gained so many things these past few weeks. Things I had forever craved, but wasn't sure I deserved. To know now, what I hadn't known then was remarkable and seemed almost unfair.

I had my sister back, friends, and now I had Drake. I would have never entertained the idea of such happiness, but I guess nothing is impossible. Even for a static.

I gently squeezed Drake's waist as the first lights of Wolford became visible through the tree line. His arm around me was so warm, a stark contrast to the cool chill of the night air. I wanted to curl up next to him and sleep for years and years. I wanted to sleep for so long that all of the anxieties over the upcoming moon became irrelevant.

I felt so safe when Drake was with me. He somehow made everything else fade away, become less significant. I hadn't decided whether or not that was a normal thing, but I knew for sure that it was a good thing.

"I'm so ready to pass out." I whispered, leaning my cheek against his broad shoulder. He chuckled, dancing his fingers along the line of my waist.

I squealed, making to step away from his side, but finding it nearly impossible to break away from Drake's steady arms.

He continued to poke at the sensitive skin around my ribs.

"Stop!" I hissed, eliciting the formation of a slight smirk. He reached for me once more. Any attempts to further distance myself from his dancing fingers suddenly became futile as he wrapped his hand around mine and led me through the iron gates.

I took one last look at the nearly full moon and sighed, allowing reality to once more wash over me.

The manor was quiet and the hallways were dimly lit by a few steadily burning candles in the entryway. To anyone else the idea of torches and candles would seem a bit medieval, but we couldn't risk overusing our generators, as we didn't have access to a steady source of electricity. Couldn't exactly install power-lines in the middle of a national park.

My hand remained secured in Drake's grasp as he led us to the base of the main stairway. He squeezed my hand gently a warning as a thought that was not mine began to form in my head.

_Do you want to go back to your room? I can walk you there. _He wondered, his mental tone giving away no hint as to what he wanted. His eyes seemed to harden with the idea of parting, so I supplied him with a soft shake of the head.

_I don't want to be alone. _He smiled softly in response to my thought, as we emerged on the second floor landing.

We crossed the hall together quietly, approaching my family's quarters only moments later.

I carefully untangled my fingers from Drake's strong grasp, reaching into my pocket for the key.

I unlocked the door quickly, and watched as Drake slid his palm along the wall to locate the light switch.

My eyes burned from the florescence and I blinked rapidly to help my eyes adjust to the brightness.

"I'm gonna go grab a quick shower and brush my teeth." I muttered, grabbing my discarded pajamas from the top of the bed and heading toward the bathroom door.

"I'm gonna head back to my room and change." He began, the tone of his voice almost hesitant. "You sure you want me to stay?"

I felt my cheeks pool with a warm blush as I answered with a soft nod. "Of course."

"Okay. Be back soon."

As soon as I heard the door click shut behind him I turned and headed toward the shower, twisting the knob violently so a languid stream of hot water spewed from the tap.

I felt uneasy as I slid my arms bare of their cotton confines, dragging a towel from the bottom cupboard to rest on the tiled floor. I stepped into the thick steam.

Tomorrow night.

It wouldn't be long now.

The hours that I attempt to postpone and keep at bay will pass by with a sureness I cannot suppress. This fact terrified me.

I wrapped my arms around my middle, my warm skin encountering the metal of a forgotten silver chain. Drake's gift. I balanced the charm in my right palm then, it's gentle weight a small but steady reminder that I would not be alone in this experience.

I would have an anchor. An unyielding pair of arms to surround me as the rejection ripped through my carefully patched pieces.

It was only a matter of time now.

Time.

It seems so easy, so simple a concept.

Time.

As in the measurement of seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, and so on and so forth. I switch off the faucet and an immediate sensation of relief overwhelms my burning skin.

Time.

With such a linear essence, it's surprising how mundane the idea of it all is. As if the precise measurement of our lifespan is more important than the choices and experiences we make during our granted presence on earth. I step out of the shower and onto the cream-colored bath mat. After locating the towel, I wrap it around my now cool torso.

Time.

It is this entity, this particular concept that I found myself pondering as I shifted my shower-soaked hair to my left shoulder, exposing the right side of my neck.

_What is it about her?_

Touching the pads of my fingers to the apples of my cheeks, I drew a smooth line along the bones masked beneath the thin, freckled membrane of skin. I wondered, idly, if the structure would appear more pronounced in the next few years.

_What does he see?_

I fluttered my blonde eyelashes, looking, searching for a modicum of proof that the figure staring back at me holds some sort of beauty.

_Where is her power harnessed?_

I widened my eyes ever so slightly and the girl in the mirror followed suit. Her large, green irises seemed to swallow the pupils they surround, leaving barely a pinpoint of charcoal. The end effect making for an almost animalistic glare.

I could feel the water drops from my wet hair fall unevenly down the planes of my bare back and shoulders.

_What does he see in this girl... in this static?_

Dropping my palm from my face, I noticed my worn and flattened fingertips. I clenched my knuckles ever so slightly so that my hands created a claw of sorts. The girl in the mirror throws me a smirk, baring her teeth, just so.

Inside my mind was battling with me to cease and desist.

Playing wolf is a fantasy for toddlers and adolescent shifters.

I am neither.

But the sick fascination with it all propelled me further and my subconscious watched in horror as my mirrored image hunched her shoulders.

For the briefest moments, I couldn't suppress the wonderment of what it must be like to shift.

To feel that sort of power.

To harness and release it at just the right moment.

To be born into a whole new body.

Feeling the tension of the linoleum beneath my bare heels, I allowed myself to rise up on my toes as the feeling of a soft shiver runs down the length of my spine. An errant image of blonde wolf with emerald irises emerged in my mind's eye.

_Stop this._

My mind was screaming at me to get a grip, to realize how counter productive such behaviors are. How am I ever supposed to heal if I can't accept that this fantasy is just that... a fantasy?

A sharp knock at the door startled me and I immediately straightened up, clutching the towel closer to my body.

"Logan?"

The voice is familiar, but the tone is off. Not a question of merely curiosity, but of stress as well. I feared the worst would become of me if I opened my mouth and spoke, but I had to reassure him.

"I'll be ready in a few minutes." I whispered, knowing that his sensitive ears would pick up my low volume.

When I receive no immediate response I assume Drake has taken my words at face value and allowed me my privacy for the following few moments.

I turned back to the mirror, finding the reflection I'd just pondered to be more than human. As I suspected no immaculate change had taken place in the last few seconds. The green eyes remain set back in the familiar, deep hallows of a pale, speckled face. The hair that falls past this girl's shoulders does not cling to her like the thickness of a wolf's pelt, but hangs damp and limp along the bones of her collar.

All at once I realized my thoughts were not safe, not here. He would be listening for normalcy; the sounds of bristles against teeth and the gentle huff of exhale as I detangle the rapidly forming knots from my hair.

I brought the corner of the towel toward my face, catching a few misplaced drops along the brim of my nose.

I located my pajamas on the floor, a worn pair of shorts and a soft cotton tank top. Pulling them on slowly, I carefully calculated each thought that passed through my head, attempting to suppress any misplaced fantasy that should appear.

I exhaled heavily, lifting my new necklace from underneath my newly placed shirt and laying gently against the cotton fabric.

_You can do this._

I took another breath.

I opened the door.

Shutting off the bathroom light I let my eyes adjust to the dark room. I found Drake perched on the side of the bed, hands clasped and laid purposefully along his kneecaps. His eyes watched my feet as they approached the mattress.

I stopped a few inches or so in front of him. The bright light that filtered from the moon reflected off the moonstone of my necklace, lighting Drake's features.

We remained silent for the next few moments. I realized now that he knew what had gone on behind that closed door.

I felt pathetic and ashamed all at once. I dropped my gaze from his furrowed brow to the floor, too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

"I..I don't know what to say." I admitted softly, digging my bare toes into the plush of the carpeted floor.

Drake's confusion was potent throughout the room. Maybe he had thought I had made more progress than I actually had. I hoped he didn't blame himself for anything.

I didn't think I would ever be fully healed. I didn't know how to be human, and it was something that Drake could teach me.

I felt his fingers at my hip then, tracing along the perimeter of my protruding bone. His fingers were warm on my bare skin.

I took a tentative step forward, both my actions and my thoughts remained weary of his silence.

He brought his other hand up to my opposite hip.

"Say something." I whispered, regretting immediately having spoken that plea.

Sometimes silence was good. Necessary even.

His fingers tightened against my skin, leading me to the circle of his arms.

But not now. Silence was scary, because everything seemed so quiet.

I tentatively rested my palms along his shoulder blades, tracing hesitant lines in the smooth cotton. I drew a small circle on the fabric that covered his tattoo.

I was his and he was mine. I didn't quite understand how I got so lucky.

He was my everything now. Where would I be now without him?

"I wish I could be more for you." He whispered, his eyes fixated on the pale stone that hung from my neck.

His words scared me. _Shouldn't that be my line?_

_"_Drake?"

"You know that, if I could, I would give up my ability to shift for you?" He wondered, his eyes finally making their ascent up to my now moist cheeks.

"Don't say that." My voice felt heavy and strained. More tears poured from my eyes. I leaned my body further forward, resting my forehead against his. He tilted his face upward, connecting our lips for the briefest moment. His warm mouth moved to cover the pulse point of my throat.

"It's true." He affirmed, his whisper lost to the hollow in the base of my throat. I shivered, my emotions seeming to spiral in several different directions.

I threaded my fingers into the hair at the base of his neck. His hair was smooth and damp from his recent shower, and as I looped my fingers throughout the tufts, I was reminded of the course feeling of his fur as a wolf.

Wolf. Moon.

Tomorrow.

A soft sob threatened to break through my lips, so I placed them against the top of his head, taking in his familiar and comforting scent.

All the while he continued to plant leisurely kisses along my neck and across my exposed shoulders.

His arms wound further around my middle, his fingers abandoning the skin of my exposed hipbones for favor of exploring the small of my back.

I felt so warm and so safe in his embrace. Here, in his arms, I knew nothing bad could ever happen to me. His fingers danced along the segments of my spine as he traveled further toward the base of my shoulder blades.

I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to halt my continuously falling tears.

We stayed still for the next few moments, taking in the moment and catching our breaths. Soon I found myself being tugged forward as Drake moved back along the comforter so he was now lying against my pillows.

He pulled me down beside him.

I buried my face into his chest. Every sob that shook my frame was another reminder of how unworthy I was of this beautiful person.

_You know that, if I could, I would let you be with someone who deserved you._

His breathing seemed to halt in that moment.

I spoke my next words.

"But I don't think I'll ever be able to give you up."

His arms tightened around my then, bringing my face to rest in the crook of his neck.

I felt so alive in that moment, as if every nerve ending in body had been set alight. I was constantly surprised to realize how connected I really was to him, my wolf.

Tomorrow night wasn't about anyone else. Hell, it wasn't even about me anymore. That night would be my gift to Drake. I wanted him to have as normal an experience as he deserved. He was taught all his life how to guide his mate through the process... but he didn't have to worry about that with me.

I didn't want him to feel like it was all for nothing.

I wanted that night to be special. I wanted to open up to him about things, I just wanted to spend time together and help build our relationship.

"Do you want to sleep?" I wondered, looking up through my window. The rest of the world was sound asleep including the moon, which was now blanketed in a sheet of dark rain clouds.

"We probably should, but I don't mind staying up if you want to talk." I shrugged. I couldn't deny that my eyes felt heavier and heavier with each passing moment, but I'd be lying if I told him I wanted to let myself fall asleep. I liked being alone with him. It was easy to clear my head and think through things.

I didn't want to dream just yet... I feared, more than anything, that my worries will have warped them into nightmares.

"We'll stay up just a bit longer, then."

And so we did. We lay there in one another's arms for a long time. Long enough for my thoughts to begin blurring with his. I rested my head against his forehead and the connection became easier to keep a grasp of.

We must have lain there a long time. Long enough for a shock of thunder to rattle the windowpanes and the sky to unleash a violent storm.

I watched Drake fight back a yawn and I knew it was time to close my eyes.

"Sleep. We'll have a long day tomorrow." I answered. The rain was falling heavier now, the drops creating a constant pitter-patter against the glass.

He nodded, guiding my head to his chest as he wrapped the comforter around the both of us.

In that moment I understood, for the first time, how lucky I really was.

We frequented the hazy limbo between conscious and unconscious a few moments longer, breathing in the nearness of one another before succumbing our realities to our dreams.

0-0-0

It was too soon when I noticed the ugly yellow light streaming in through the windows. I clutched more tightly to the darkness I had been wrapped in only moments ago.

"Turn off the sun." I whispered, my lethargic arms shifting to reach out for someone familiar. My dreams had left my mind foggy, and when my fingers encountered nothing but smooth, vacant space it took me a few moments to realize the implications.

I opened my eyes quickly, realizing I was alone.

"Oh." I swept my eyes over the comforter, further affirming a missing form. My eyes did, however, find a misplaced piece of folded paper resting against the pillow.

I reached for it, carefully unfolding it. I rubbed the sleep away from my eyes as they attempted to focus on the handwriting.

_Meet me downstairs when you are ready to leave. I'll be at breakfast._

I looked at the clock then, realizing it was just after seven in the morning.

We'd have to leave within the next few hours if we were going to make it to the lair tonight.

_Tonight._

It seemed so far away, yet so close at the same time.

I sighed, making my way out of bed. I shoved back the covers and stood up, heading towards the bathroom.

I combed a hand through my still damp hair. I should have dried it better before heading to bed last night.

I went through my normal morning routine, brushing my teeth and hair. I debated putting on makeup, it would, no doubt, end up running in smudges down my cheeks by the end of the night, but a part of me wanted to look my best. I wanted to feel... worthy of Drake. I wanted to try.

So I swiped some concealer over the dark circles under my eyes, and put some mascara on my light lashes.

I wondered, briefly, what my sister was up to at the moment. Was she already on her way to the waterfall lair? Was she getting ready, like me, making herself beautiful for Austin? How was Lily holding up? Was she as anxious as I was? Was she nervous?

I bet she was far more excited than I could ever be about tonight's moon.

A sharp knock at the door startled me and I jumped in shock, stubbing my toe on the edge of the counter.

_Great. _I had a feeling it wasn't Drake, because he would have just let himself in.

I opened the bathroom door, my feet padding quietly across the carpet.

I looked down to examine my now swollen toe, only to realize I was still in my pajamas.

"Just a sec!" I quickly pulled some semblance of an outfit together, ditching the t-shirt and shorts somewhere in the middle of the floor and nearly sprinting to greet my mystery guest.

"Kayla?" I wondered, releasing a long pull of air.

She gave me a large smile, pulling me into an unexpected hug.

"Uh...?" I returned the gesture rather timidly, hoping to convey my confusion through my body language.

"I'm sorry to just drop in like this." She began, releasing me before moving further into the room. I quirked an eyebrow at her strange attitude, swiftly closing the door.

"No problem. Did you need something?" I wondered, picking up my discarded clothes and throwing them into the laundry basket. I moved toward my bed, pulling at the comforter to make it seem more organized.

"Oh no, not really. I just wanted to come see how you were doing?" She stated, her small smile returning.

"I'm good."

"Are you holding up okay?" She wondered. I could feel my eyebrows crease of their own accord. "I mean," She released an awkward half sigh-half laugh sort of sound. "With Lily's accident and your moon tonight? We're all worried about you." She admitted, taking a few steps toward me as if moving in for another hug or a sympathetic shoulder squeeze.

I took, what I hoped to be, a subtle step back.

"'We're all'?"

"Everyone; Lucas, Rafe, Lindsey, Brittany, Lily and Austen... we just want to know that your not too stressed."

"You talked to Lily about this?" I questioned, my cheeks tingeing the slightest of pinks.

I didn't realize my emotional state was being discussed at such lengths. The revelation left me feeling a little more than uncomfortable.

_What does she expect me to say?_

"You're not mad, are you? We know you're going through a rough time and we just want to help."

Apparently I wasn't doing a great job at covering up my 'rough time'. _What exactly did she mean by that?_

"Lily's nearly healed." I said with a shrug, crossing the room to stand near the window. I pulled on the curtains a bit, noticing the bright sun was slightly shaded by the hint of storm clouds. Kayla's eyes followed me the whole way, her mouth turning downward slightly to form the slightest of frowns.

"Yea, she is." Kayla offered, pushing a lock of red hair behind her ear.

"And tonight?" I really didn't want to go there with her at the moment. Not after last night's hysterical moment in the bathroom, not after falling asleep in Drake's arms a blubbering and slightly catatonic mess.

"What about it?"

Kayla meant well. She always meant well, just that kinda person, I guess. But, part of me just wanted to deal with this on my own. I had _just_ accepted Drake's role in my life and begun to understand his need to be there for me during the full moon. I didn't think inviting the rest of the pack into my problems would have been productive or necessary in the least.

"It's a big day." She smiled, her eyes glassing over as if she were reminiscing about her own full moon.

The look made me sick with both ire and jealousy. I attempted to mask a scowl, keeping quiet and moving back towards my desk. I began to fiddle with my cell phone, hoping to prolong the silence.

"It may not seem like it now, but things will turn around. The night of your moon won't be one you soon forget." I bit back a retort at her complete disregard for my situation. Or, maybe, she was trying to offer me new perspective. Maybe I would learn something new about myself tonight, maybe Drake and I would become closer, and maybe I will be able to mentally function by sunrise. I didn't know what would happen, but I didn't like her standing here, giving me questionable advice. I say questionable because she had me thinking now. I didn't to think, not about tonight at least.

But, now wasn't the time to be ungrateful or rude. Kayla was sticking her nose where she shouldn't be but, as Lucas' mate, she was also a pack leader. She thought what she was doing was for the best, and I had to give her credit for coming here in the first place. If I were the kind of person to open up about things, maybe this conversation would have actually made some sort of progress.

"Thanks for stopping by, Kayla." I gave her a small smile as I made my way toward the door.

She seemed a bit confused at the gesture, but crossed the room nonetheless and proceeded towards the door.

"Are you in a hurry to be somewhere? I thought maybe we could grab breakfast or something?" She wondered, her voice completely sincere. I felt bad about not wanting to share this stuff with her when she was so obviously looking to help out.

"Um.. I was just gonna pack a quick bag and go. I'm supposed to be meeting Drake soon." The excuse came easily, and at least it rang true. We needed to leave soon before the storm hit and we missed our chance.

"Oh, yea that makes sense." She shook her hair off her shoulders. "I'm really happy for you, Logan. Drake is a great guy." She remarked, clicking open the handle and moving into the hallway.

"I'm lucky." Was my response. I gave her a small grin, which she returned wholeheartedly before she turned to leave.

"Hey, do you just wanna walk down together? I'm meeting Lucas after shift change so..." I bit back a grimace at the idea, but she seemed so crushed. I hesitated for a moment, before giving her a short nod.

"Give me a few minutes to get organized," I asked, moving about the room and acquiring a few necessities. She gave me a quick smile, her face lighting up as she followed me to my closet.

"Great! You really shouldn't need too many things, I saw Drake with a decently sized backpack earlier. Just being a few days change of clothes and the essentials." She grabbed my pack off the floor and gently folded the few shirts and shorts I pulled out of my drawers.

"Grab a few snack bars for the road incase you guys get held up somewhere or just get hungry." Her mindless chatter was welcome, and offered me little room to respond. Which is exactly what I needed at the moment.

I felt better letting Kayla do her part. She seemed so saddened by my hesitance to chat earlier. Maybe she was expecting me to be full of excitement or anxiousness, I didn't know. Maybe she had already talked to Lily about her moon. Lily would no doubt have been happy for Kayla's reassuring words. If I was being honest with myself, I wanted to feel the same way. Looking at Kayla now, her freckled cheeks stretched tight from the grin she was sporting...it made my heart sink. I wanted to be excited for tonight, to be jittery with anticipation. I wanted to ask her every little detail my mind could think of. I wanted to know how she got through it, how she felt about it, how Lucas helped her out.

I wanted to know so much.

But, there really wasn't a point. I wanted her to see that there wasn't a point in being here. I wanted her to leave and go back to her happy, perfect life with Lucas and I wanted her to leave me and my nerves alone.

So I let her stay, and I told her where she could find my makeup bag and my toothbrush. She was more than happy to pack all of these things for me, grabbing my water bottle from the nightstand to fill it up in the bathroom sink.

"Thank you." I whispered, mostly to myself. However, her sensitive hearing picked up the comment easily.

"Of course!" She chirped, returning to the main room and handing me the bottle.

Only moments later I had my backpack slung around my shoulders and, after grabbing a hoodie and my boots, we headed down the stairs and toward the cafeteria.

"When's your next shift?" I asked after a few moments of silence. We walked down the large staircase, our footsteps falling into perfect synchronization as we got a slow pace going.

"I'm off this weekend. Lucas thought it would be better if I was around for you and your sister in case you had any questions or just wanted to talk." So she was here on assignment? The very thought made me feel even more awkward about the situation.

She gave my frown a contemplative glance. "You know I'm not here just because he asked me to be, right?" I shrugged.

She looked offended for a moment, and I guess she had a right to be. It wasn't very polite of me to suggest.

We kept walking.

"I know we've never been very close, Logan. But don't assume that I'm not here by choice. Lucas may be the leader of our pack, and I may be his mate, but I'm not here simply out of duty. I'm here because I care about you. I don't want you to go into tonight with unanswered questions."

I kept quiet. Not knowing what to say or how to say it. I spoke a quiet 'Thanks', but offered no sort of apology.

The low sound of someone clearing their throat pulled me out of my musings and I glanced up to find that Lucas was staring at the two of us.

Kayla gave him a look, and I assumed they were communicating mentally due to Lucas' body language. He gave her a small nod and we continued on.

"I don't really have any questions. Sorry." I spoke after another minute. Only a few moments left till we'd reach the cafeteria.

"You must have some. Have you ever heard about shifting from the point of view of a female? I mean... I know that you're mom isn't a shifter, but any aunts or grandparents? Friends?" I gave her a hard look, wondering where she was going with this.

"I don't have any aunts. I don't have very many friends for that matter. Besides, I got the gist of it. Not that it will matter." I answered solemnly. I was done feeling sorry for myself. I was done with people trying to make me feel better about the situation. It is what it is and its not going to change.

"Logan... I'm really sor-" I cut her off abruptly. "Please don't say you're sorry. I've heard it enough this week... I've heard it enough these past few years. It is what it is. I'd just like everyone to stop pretending or trying to make this "experience" normal for me." I gave her a sad smile, filling my voice with a tone of resignation and not malice. I didn't want her to think I was mad at her; I was just so tired of the pity.

"I will see you next week, Kayla. Thanks for helping me pack."

0-0-0

It wasn't difficult to find Drake once I had reached the cafeteria. I noticed him leaning against the wall opposite the doorway. He had one of his hiking boots perched flat against the brick and his arms folded across his chest. He had a backpack draped over one of his shoulders, and frowned when he saw my bag.

"You won't be needing that." He spoke, pushing away from his perch to reach for my shoulder strap. He unzipped the front, pulling out the granola bars and the make up kit.

"Really?" He questioned, smirking at me.

"Kayla dropped by. I didn't know how to ask her to leave." He gave me a curt nod, reaching behind him to drop his bag to the floor. I helped him transfer the majority of my things from my bag to his, carefully placing the water bottle into a mesh pocket on the side of the pack.

"I'll go take these back upstairs for you." Drake offered, holding up my backpack and the make up kit.

"Oh no, I can take them back up, don't worry about it." I insisted, reaching for the bag. He held it out of my reach though, leaning his torso forward to give me a small half-smile.

"I don't want you to lift a finger today. I'll take care of this." He pressed his lips gently to my forehead, then to my lips.

I lifted my fingers to rest on his hips, returning the gesture.

"Besides," He whispered, pulling away from my reach. "You have visitors." His eyes seemed to dance with excitement, and I quickly turned my head to find my father and slightly teary-eyed mother standing by the main door with Austin and Lily.

My mother seemed to let out a soft sob when I caught her eye, and the smile she supplied me with nearly swallowed her face whole.

I just stared blankly, not knowing how to process this.

I tried to return the gesture, but I just felt like breaking down into tears.

It had been days since I had spoken to either of my parents. I had forgotten to call them...to check up with them.

Yet, my mother still seemed so excited to see me.

I took a deep breath.

"Don't worry so much, Lo. She's been waiting since sunup for you to get down here." He ran his thumb across my cheek, motioning towards the stairs.

"Be back in a flash."

And he was out of my reach and headed toward the stairs before I could protest. It was just my family though, so why was I so afraid?

"Mom?" I whispered, walking toward the small group. Austin gave me a friendly smile and a small wave from his place beside Lily. My sister seemed all too eager to wrap her arms around my shoulders and pull me into a bone crunching hug, despite the fact that she was precariously balancing her weight between two not-so-sturdy crutches.

"Hey Lil." I spoke, wrapping my arms around her waist to keep her steady. I took another deep breath.

_I could do this, I could get through today._

"Nervous?"

"More like nauseous."

"Nah, we're Dawes'. We're born for this stuff, sis." She gave me a sad smile, squeezing my fingers.

_I could do this. I could live my life as a static._

I turned to my mother then, looking to her for encouragement.

She hadn't grown up in a shifter society. It wasn't until my father declared her as his mate that she was made fully aware of our existence at all. Her experience was different than mine would be, but I sill looked at her as my biggest role model. She was a human living successfully among shifters. She had friends and family and a solid career. My father loved her more than anything...So how was it so hard for me to picture my own life going so well?

I reached for my mother's hand, securing her long fingers into a tight fist as she pulled me in for a gentle hug.

"I love you, baby." She whispered, her fingers coming up to stroke the bottom of my loose hair.

"Me too." I assured, pausing a moment to relish in the familiarity of her scent and of her presence. I could feel the tears prickle at the edge of my vision, but couldn't decide if they were there out of sadness or fear of what was to come. I guessed a little bit of both.

I carefully dislodged myself from my mother's embrace, taking a step back to look at my proud father. He had given us each so much; I wanted him to be proud of me like I knew he must have been proud of Lily.

He gave me a smirk, wrapping one of his arms around my shoulder.

"So, Drake, huh?" He quipped, making me blush.

Yea. I smiled. Drake.

"Yes."

And just as I spoke the word, I heard him quietly step up behind me. He rested his fingers at the small of my back in a comforting, but not too personal way.

"Mr. and Mrs. Dawes, nice to see you again." He spoke politely, reaching out to shake my father's hand.

My mother looked on appreciatively, offering Drake a short hug before returning to my father's side.

"We are very happy for you." My mom said, offering me a bright smile. "The both of you." My father added, resting his palm on the top of Lily's head. She smiled also, gazing up at Austin who remained silent at her side.

"Well, we just came to see the both of you off. Be safe and congratulations." My father said, turning to lead my mother down the main hallway. I assumed they would be spending the weekend here at Wolford as they had already made the few days journey.

"Goodbye. Love you!" My mother added, waving at the both of us before they disappeared into the stairwell.

Drake immediately readjusted his hold on me, wrapping his arm fully around my waist. I smiled in response to his eagerness.

"We should be heading out." I heard Austin say, his words bringing my eyes to Lily's. She bobbed her head in agreement, turning her gaze to mirror mine.

"Today's the day." She whispered, reaching out with her hand to grip at my fingers. I nodded once, my mind warring with being happy for Lily and being terrified for myself.

"See you soon, then?" She wondered, releasing my fingers and turning toward Austin.

I nodded once more.

"Yea. Good luck." I spoke, hoping I put the proper amount of force and fervor behind the words.

"You too. Love you, Lo."

"Love you, Lily pad."

-0-0-0-0-0-

_A/N: It took me a while, but I had to decide how much I wanted to include in this chapter and think about how to set up the next chapter. The moon will be the next chapter. Who is getting excited? Any predictions?_

_As always, thanks for reading._

_~Lauren_


	19. The Moon

Austin was quick to guide Lily away from the manor, lending a shoulder to her for balance as she stumbled forward on her still healing leg. Under one arm she carried a crutch, evening out the weight distribution.

I watched her with a careful expression, not wanting to dwell on the anxiety that was slowly consuming me. She tilted her face back toward the doorway once more, giving me a quick side smile. The next time I'd see her, she would be everything she was always meant to be. Somehow, I was starting to accept that.

I lifted my fingers slowly, waving just so.

The anxiety I now possessed was produced more out of concern for my sister than for the rejection of tonight's coming moon. Regardless, I still held some conservations about those final moments.

I smiled, sighing quietly as their forms slowly faded into the thickening trees.

Behind me I could feel Drake shift his weight as he pulled the straps of the backpack around his broad shoulders.

"I figured we could hike the first few miles." He stated, his voice as careful as my expression.

_Thanks._ I thought, not trusting my voice to bend and crack on the simple word.

I could do this.

I stepped through the doorway. The arm that had been around my waist now dropped to capture my fingers in a gentle squeeze.

"I'm so proud of you, Lo." Drake whispered, matching my strides as we made our way from the manor.

There were things about this night I didn't know. And, in some ways, I felt wary of continuing my advance through the familiar forest. What would happen tonight? What did it mean for me? What will I do tomorrow?

I hadn't stopped for a moment this entire journey to think about where I would be twenty-four hours from now. Will the moon have come and gone without effort? Will I ever feel complete knowing that I can't be all that I hoped? Would Drake accept me knowing, in every certainty, that I would remain human for the rest of my days? Would he still want me?

These questions haunted me as I paced myself for the day's journey.

I worried briefly about tiring myself out. I worried about not making it to the lair on time. I worried about what I should wear or how I should prepare myself.

Do I keep up the pretense; change my clothes, brush out my hair, put on some makeup? Do I smile, will I cry?

In truth, nothing would help me more than knowing about his moon. We had already had that conversation though. I just... for the life of me, I just couldn't get the idea of being fully prepared out of my mind.

What more did I possibly need to know?

How long was his journey? What did his parents say to him before he left? What did he do when he came back?

What will I do?

How will my life change?

Will it change?

Was it ever meant to change?

Do I want it to?

With a sigh, I ran my fingers through my head, gathering the wisps of flailing bangs and placing them behind my ear. I had not spent much time thinking about these things and I wasn't sure if now was the best time.

If not now, I thought, then when? A week from now, a month, two months? When I am in English class next semester? When I am applying to colleges of my own?

Would I end up at Dartmouth? I would love to have the stability of proximity. Being close to him distance wise would be the first and most important thing for me to achieve once I have that diploma in my hand.

What if I wasn't accepted to Dartmouth? Where would I go? Would he follow me if I asked him to?

Do I even want to ask him that? He's already sacrificed so much, having me as a mate instead of someone who could share this experience with him. Could I ask him to give up his dreams of college if it meant keeping me happy?

Then again, I don't think I could ask that of him and remain any sort of happy with myself. I would be appalled, in fact, if I felt anything short of guilty for even thinking it.

I just wanted answers. Answers to questions that formed in my mind by the dozen every single second. It was overwhelming and terrifying all at the same time.

Would there ever be a moment of peace? A time where I won't have doubts or worries about every aspect of my future?

I hoped things would only simplify from here. I had always thought that after the initial moon, after the question of my humanity was solidified, that my life would just go on the way it always has.

Now I have Drake to factor into the equation.

What were his hopes for the future? Would he want the same things as I did? Would we want different things?

I felt my eyes begin to fill with hot, anxious tears. I attempted to clear my thoughts, willing my subconscious to push these questions away and give me a moment of peace, but I just couldn't shut my mind off.

What will staying human mean for my relationship with Drake? Would we live in Tarrant with the rest of the shifter families? Would we move away like his parents had? Would we keep up the human facade, get married, have a family?

A family... Did I want that? Would I want to bring a child into this life not knowing if they would shift? Would I want to put someone else through the torment of 'maybe'?

I felt sick.

I had never put much thought into the future. Drake was going off to college in a month or so. Where would that leave me?

I mean, we had the mental connection so I didn't worry about not hearing from him. I just...what was I going to do?

I had become so accustom to him being around. I sighed, gripping Drake's fingers more securely, as if the thought of him leaving would actually cause him to disappear.

I couldn't bear him leaving me now.

What would I have done without him here? I would have been at home, or at Wolford scared out of my mind, confused, and lonely.

I would have given up. I would have just...stopped.

Drake responded to my squeeze with soft smile, his bright eyes gazing over my worried form. I could feel the makings of a question push through the surface of my mind, but I just... I didn't know how to explain it all.

I felt confused and overwhelmed.

Drake's grip tightened on my hand.

"You okay?" He wondered.

The lie came easily. "Of course."

What was I doing?

All of my indecisiveness was putting him on edge. I wanted to turn it off, make the chaos of my mind disappear. Not just for Drake's sake, but for mine as well.

"Tell me there is a way to shield you from all of this?" I inquired, twisting my eyes to face him.

I was already masochistic enough for him outside of my thoughts. I didn't want him to shoulder all of my fears. He already spends too much time worrying about me...

"It takes practice, but there are ways." He answered softly, his jaw seeming to tighten ever so slightly. Probably a reaction to my latest line of thought.

Protecting me had become a priority for Drake since the day we met. It wasn't until recently that I fully understood the reasoning behind it, but it still caught me off guard when things that seemed to rational to me, like keeping my thoughts to myself, seemed completely hurtful to Drake.

It wasn't as if I was attempting to shut him out.

"It's exactly what you're doing." He spoke, bringing me up short. I pursed my lip in anger; wanting to make a snarky retort but thinking it wouldn't be the wisest decision.

"I don't want to shut you out to spite you." I reasoned, slowing my steps as we broke away from the normal path into the thick trees. Our conversation halted for a few moments as Drake guided me through the underbrush. I could tell though that he still didn't understand.

"Why are you so interested then, in keeping me out of your thoughts? I already know you backwards and forwards." He sighed, scrubbing a hand across his face.

I paused, waiting for him to continue.

"I finally think I've figured you out and then you sidestep me in a big way."

I stopped, using my hold on his hand to pull him to a halt between the trees.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered, confusion lacing my tone. "There isn't much to figure out, Drake. And don't take this so personally... sometimes I'd just like some privacy."

I took a deep breath through my nose, looking up to study his face for any signs of understanding. I just saw hurt.

No matter what I did, I always seemed to find new ways to hurt him.

"What's the point in knowing everything about me, Drake?" I twisted my hand out of his grasp, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "You're so worried about protecting me...but maybe by doing this I'll be protecting you." His jaw clenched once more, his eyes shutting for a brief moment.

"I'm supposed to be the one doing the protecting in this relationship, Logan. I'm your-"

"Mate. Yes, I know." I finished, shifting my weight from foot to foot and dropping my hands to my sides.

He just shook his head.

"No, not just my mate." He sounded so defeated, and my heart sank, knowing I was the one causing all this confusion. He reached for one of my hands, guiding me to the circle of his arms. I dropped my head to his chest, my hands seeking purchase at his waist. "You're my everything, Logan."

"You can't protect me from everything, Drake." I pressed my lips to the cotton of his t-shirt, right above his heart.

"I don't want you to protect me from everything." I felt his warm hands glide down the planes of my back, playing with the ends of my hair. "I've been alone in this fight for so long." I looked up at the sun, noticing it's rapid ascent to high noon.

"My mind isn't the nicest place right now, especially today. And tonight... it's going to be brutal." I sighed, lifting my eyes to his.

"I just want to understand." He reasoned, his fingers lifting my eyes to meet his. I felt so lost.

"But, you can't. I know you want to...but you just can't." I took a step away from him, reaching once more for his hand.

"There are some things in this life that I am going to have to face on my own. Obstacles that I will encounter that you won't, and there are going to be things that you will understand about me completely, and things that you won't comprehend in the least."

"This is the girl you signed up for when you got that tattoo." I dropped my hold on his hand, gesturing the length of my body.

"This is the girl you claimed as your own." I sighed, feeling tears prick at the backs of my eyes.

"I'm only human, Drake. And tonight, I don't want to talk. Not about this, not about anything. When that moon rises in the sky and I stay as human as the day I was born... I just want you to hold my hand and promise you'll never leave me."

I saw him reach for me and I allowed him to encase me in his arms.

"I don't think I can do this without you."

"I won't let you."

~0~0~0~0~0~

We made small talk from that point on, focusing more on the path in front of us than the topic of conversation. I enjoyed the quiet, it helped me clear my head and get back to some sense of sanity.

The daylight was beginning to fade around two as gray storm clouds began to accumulate from the north. The wind was beginning to pick up, so I reached into the pack to procure a sweater for myself and for Drake.

He took it appreciatively, handing me the pack as he pulled the dark material over his head.

We continued on, up an incline as we weaved through a tremendous amount of tall pines and oaks. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been on this long of a hike with anyone but myself.

It was nice to have the company, and Drake seemed to be enjoying himself as well, even offering to give me a few pointers on keeping my mind clear.

"Our minds are naturally connected." He'd began, his tone taking on a softer quality. It still astounded me after all this time that he could feel so proud, for lack of a better word, of our connection.

"Shutting me out-"

"Having some privacy." I'd muttered under my breath. He gave me a look, and I just rolled my eyes.

"Just think separation. Try to remain neutral, and the connection will become less and less clear to me." I nodded, opting not to comment.

We continued walking. It was around one in the afternoon now. We'd been hiking for several hours, and my stomach was beginning to feel the affects.

"You were doing it earlier," He started, giving me a side-glance as we shifted further east, heading now toward the far edge of the valley. "You were being so quiet when we started the hike... I was curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat." I offered, throwing him a sarcastic smirk.

"They never said anything about wolves." He teased, flashing a smirk of his own.

"You were having trouble hearing me earlier?" I wondered, hoping for him to continue.

"Everything was a bit blurry. I'd have moments where things were perfectly clear, but mostly it was just... busy."

Busy was a good word for it. Chaotic would probably have been the more accurate choice. Maybe the sheer amounts of thoughts swimming around in my head, or the random directions they seemed to take were confusing him. Maybe the block had occurred when I decided to suppress all my thoughts and just clear my mind.

It didn't seem to do anything for me, but it was a reasonable explanation as any for why Drake couldn't hear me.

I sighed, biting at the corner of my lip. "I guess I just had a lot to process?" I offered, hoping the statement was explanation enough for now.

He gave me a calculating look. I could tell he wanted to push the topic further, but, thankfully, he dropped the subject for now.

Maybe I could bring it up again later when we had settled into the lair.

I just needed to keep myself focused on the small things first.

Step one, reach the lair.

Step two, settle in.

Step three, talk.

My stomach growled loudly and I reached my hand to my middle in the hopes of stifling the obnoxious noise. I guess my nervous butterflies had been masking the hunger pains.

I felt my cheeks turn pink, and Drake let out a soft chuckle.

"You're hungry." Drake observed, locating a fallen tree a few yards ahead and dropping our packs onto the forest floor, we leant against the bark and enjoyed some sandwiches.

The sun was warm, and it felt good to have gotten away from Wolford and into the deep woods. The bugs were unrelenting, but I had brought some spray and so they weren't too bothersome.

I reached across Drake to grab my water bottle from the side of my pack. He immediately reached for the bag, setting it in front of me.

"Here." He teased, tossing the pack between the two of us.

I watched him grab his own water from inside the bag.

"How much farther do you think?" I wondered, knowing we only had a few more hours of sunlight before dusk would begin to set in.

"I'd say another eight miles or so." I sighed, knowing that more than a few of those miles would have to be covered as a wolf.

I hated the thought of making Drake carry me on his back, and part of me felt horribly guilty knowing that by the time we got there he was going to be exhausted.

Another part of me, though, longed to see him in wolf form once again.

I could feel my eyes glaze over as I felt myself get all spacey and distant. I heard Drake chuckle beside me.

"You're so weird." He insisted, grabbing the bottle out of my hands and placing it back in its holder. "Me? Weird?" I questioned sarcastically, once again rolling my eyes.

"Yup."

"Well, at least you're aware of it now." He quirked an eyebrow at me. "It only gets worse from here out." I joked, standing up and reaching a hand out to him.

"I can't imagine you being any weirder than you are now Ms. Dawes." He teased, grabbing my hand and using me as leverage to pull himself up. He dropped his fingers to my waist as he reached for our pack from the ground.

"How much further do you want to walk? We can run from here if you're tired." He questioned, shifting the strap along the back of his shoulder. I turned my face back toward the sky. It was still early afternoon. Maybe a few more miles.

"Let's go three or so more miles and then ask me again." He nodded, his fingers pressing into the small of my back as we headed back on the trail.

"It's probably a good idea that I stay in human form for at least the next two miles or so. We are coming up on the east hiking trails." I watched him extend his arm to his left, pointing out the gravel pathways that began to emerge on our right. I had forgotten how close this lair was to the far side of the park. I don't think I'd ever been this far out before.

"Do you think we'll run into people?" I wondered, stepping over a fallen branch before landing on the gravel path. I assumed we'd take this for the next mile before heading further into the valley.

"It's possible, but I doubt it." He shrugged, shifting his eyes onto the darkening storm clouds. Adjusting the pack once more, he seemed to give me a once over.

"What?" I wondered, looking down to see if maybe I'd left some lunch on my sweater.

"Nothing, you just seem... cold." Cold wasn't the word he wanted to say and we both knew it. I wanted to breach the mental connection and tap into his inner musings, but I felt like to do so would be pretty hypocritical on my part.

I just bit my tongue, deciding not to say anything.

"I'm okay. Just the wind, I guess." I answered, offering him an excuse.

We walked on for another two miles or so before the first few rain drops started to fall. Drake turned his gaze upward, analyzing the current weather patterns.

"It's gonna hit within the next half hour or so." He stated, gesturing up toward the purple clouds as they continued their ascent over the park.

"That sounds about right." The air was thick with humidity and heavy with the fragrance of a storm.

I guess it's just an instinct you pick up growing up out here. We were all pretty accurate when it came to weather.

I noticed Drake shift the pack once more along his shoulders, his pace picking up just slightly.

"Do you want me to take a turn carrying that?" I wondered, reaching toward the backpack.

He just shook his head with a small laugh.

"I can handle it, Lo. Promise." He teased, rubbing the small of my back as we shuffled along.

"I know you can 'handle it', I just figured if you might want a break. I mean, you have to carry me later." I laughed a bit at that thought. I guess this would be another thing I would have to get used to. Travel by wolf.

"I don't mind carrying you in wolf form. You're not heavy." He insisted, moving to stand behind me. I felt him grip either side of my waist as he lifted me off the ground. I shrieked in surprise.

"Hey!"

He just laughed.

"Put me down, please." I hissed, kicking backwards in the hopes of knocking him in the shin.

"Just trying to make a point."

"Whatever."

He gave me a look, but it quickly vanished when the distinct sounds of thunder seemed to slice through the area.

"Shit." He whispered, dropping the pack into my hands. I knew it was time to start running now. I didn't feel like getting sick anytime in the next few hours.

"Here." Drake stripped off his sweater first, tossing it to me. "Put that on, please." He instructed, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt and pulling it away from his frame.

I got one, short look at his lean back and the dark smattering of ink along his shoulder before he distracted me by throwing his shoes.

"See something you like." He smirked, laughing as I rolled my eyes and bent to pick his shoes up off the ground, stuffing them into the bag one by one. I folded his t-shirt and lay them on top of the shoes.

Before I had time to look up, Drake was already in wolf form, his shorts lying in a pile on the ground next to him.

"Sneaky." I commented, reaching for the discarded cargo and placing it in the pack before zipping it up.

I was grateful for the extra jacket as I threw the pack along my shoulders and lifted up the hood to protect me from some of the rain.

I gave him a small smirk as I approached him, burying my cool fingers in the warmth of his pelt. In that moment, even though I'd been around them all my life, it seemed I would never get used to the magnificence of the shifters.

Drake growled at me softly, turning so I was facing his back.

"Alright, alright, I'm going." I whispered, gently laying myself down along the length of his back, crossing my legs so they didn't hang on the ground and resting cheek in the crook of his shoulder.

_Ready_? The word broke through the haze of the rain and I simply nodded, holding on tight as Drake took off into the thicket of the valley.

~0-0-0~

The ride was a blur of heavy rain and the sound of muted paw prints as we raced the storm across the valley. I could tell Drake was getting tired, and I asked him more than once to stop if he needed a break.

Either he didn't hear me, or he ignored me.

I was hoping for the former, although it was the less likely of the two options.

So I did what I could to try to make it more comfortable, I attempted to stay as still as possible, and support my weight toward the middle of his back, freeing up more space for his limbs.

I rubbed at his neck too when I could sense his exhaustion.

It wasn't until near dusk that we approached the far edge of the valley and Drake finally stopped to take a break.

We had run nearly ten miles, and although Drake was used to the distance, he wasn't quite used to the load.

I had a fleeting thought of pity for Austin who had to carry my sister and her crutches.

The waterfall lair wasn't nearly as far though.

The second his pace slowed to a stop I immediately jumped down, instructing him with my thoughts to take a breather before we continued up the rocky hillside. It would be another mile or so before we reached the entrance. This would be uphill, and much more tricky, seeing as there weren't many places for proper foot holds. This helped insure no tourists would wander anywhere near the entrance.

Drake would be fine, he was much more surefooted in his wolf form, but I worried I might slip and fall, holding him back.

I sighed, scrubbing a hand over my face.

The rain hadn't even begun to let up, the water still pouring in sheets. Drake's sweater, although warm at first, was now soaked through and clung to me heavily. I felt numb from the cold, but tried not to think about it too much. I didn't want to distract or upset Drake.

I looked around momentarily for any openings or caves in the hillside, but only managed to spot a small indentation. Rain was still penetrating the area, but it was less extreme. I needed a place to sit, and I wanted to give Drake a place to dry off.

At that thought I heard him growl, shaking his pelt of the rainwater. The action made me giggle, and I smiled to myself, leading the way towards the little enclave and pressing my back up against the rocky hillside. A small awning held off the bigger drops of rain, so I gratefully removed my hood to give my hair a chance to dry off a bit.

Drake gave me an almost sad look, his eyes staring longingly in my direction.

"What's wrong?" I wondered, leaning forward as if to reach for him. He let out a low growl, which I easily interpreted as a "sit your ass down" kind of instruction.

I wanted to growl right back at him.

"Why are you standing out there in the rain?" I questioned, patting the space beside me. He hesitated only briefly, once more shaking off the excess water before joining me in the protection of the enclave.

There wasn't exactly enough room for the both of us, so I made myself as small as possible, crossing my legs Indian-style and instructing him to lie across my lap.

He didn't seem to like that idea very much, his eyes creasing in hesitation as he looked over my confused form.

"What is the problem?" I questioned, exasperated. He rolled his eyes. _I'm soaking wet, I don't want to make you any more cold than you already are._

The words flew into my mind easily, catching me off guard for only a moment.

I wanted to growl back at him.

"Lay down." I instructed, teasingly. He growled at me once more before curling himself along my side and plopping his head into my lap.

His coat was wet, but the heat radiating from his body felt heavenly. I felt him sigh, his head flopping to the side a bit as I ran my fingers along the bridge of his snout and around each of his ears.

I leant my head down as well, my nose burying itself into his warm pelt. I smiled.

"You smell good." I whispered, laughing at bit at my own antics. He lifted his head momentarily, bumping his nose against my cheek.

"Yea, I know, I'm weird." I answered, staring into his bright blue eyes.

I felt a soft sigh escape my lips, and I turned my eyes from his to the outline of the forest surrounding us. It was hard to believe I had only been with Drake for a few weeks. It felt as though we had come so far...shouldn't the time be months or years? I blinked as the rain continued to fall, dragging my fingers gently through his course fur.

Thoughts of our future together began to emerge and I worked quickly to suppress my worries. I wondered if it was too early to discuss all this with Drake. Maybe we needed to get to know one another better. Of course we had been friends for a long time, but there were things that I still worried over, I still had doubts. I admit to not being perfect.

It felt too ironic to use the cliché, but of course it came to the forefront of my mind.

_I'm only human._

I released an incredulous chuckle, shaking my head as if to physically dispel the thought from my mind. It wouldn't be the first time I had admitted the fact to myself, the scary thing was that it seemed I was starting to accept it.

I smirked a bit, looking toward the wolf beside me.

_This is your entire fault. _I thought, teasingly.

Drake looked up at me with a confused expression.

_What? _He wondered, his eyes searching my face.

I just smiled. _It's your entire fault that I am...happy._

If a wolf could smile, I'd guess it would look something like the expression on Drake's face. I felt him nuzzle his warm cheek against my hand.

_You make me so happy, Lo._ He responded.

I could feel my own smile break across my face, the gesture pulling at my cheeks. Even though it was cold and I was soaked from the rain, I suddenly felt very warm and very... at peace.

"Thank you, for not giving up on me." I began, not knowing where the words were coming from. I could feel Drake shift his weight away from the ground to move to a standing position.

I should be more frightened by a wolf hovering over me, but it just felt... natural.

Maybe I wasn't as human as I thought.

"I know that I am not the easiest person to be friends with... but you never stopped trying to get through to me." Maybe he was so persistent because he knew I was his mate... but somehow I think that even if that weren't the case... He would have still tried to get through to me.

Drake inched closer, resting the side of his face against my cheek.

_I am always here for you, Logan. Don't forget that._

~0~0~0~

After a few moments, we both looked toward the sky, realizing the rain was beginning to slow and the sun was starting its decent beneath the tree line we both decided it was time to get a move on.

I suspected at least another mile or so of a climb. I wondered if it would be faster to just let Drake carry me up through the foothills, but I didn't want to wear him out. I would be fine on my own.

Drake backed away from me, motioning for me to get up.

I nodded, pushing myself into a standing position. I swung the backpack up around my shoulders and motioned for him to lead the way.

He looked toward his back for a moment, a question on his face, but I just shook it off.

"Go ahead. I'll keep up." He growled a bit, but began the steady trek up the rocky hillside.

The rain had slowed down to an almost mist. It was actually more eerie as a light fog began to set in along the ridges of exposed rocks.

I briefly wondered if the rain was affecting Lily and Austin's journey. Certainly it would complicate their traveling, what with her still being on crutches.

I hoped they would get there safely.

We walked quietly for the next half hour or so. I kept a steady pace behind Drake as he searched for the easiest path up and into the mountainside.

I could tell we were getting closer as the path veered to the right and the walls of the mountain began to close in tighter. The sun was all but vanished at this point, and I my instincts were telling me to pick up the pace.

Drake released a soft growl, pointing toward the direction of a small cut out in the mountainside. Small enough for a wolf. I would have to crawl.

I nodded, biting my lip.

I was sure this was the only way into the burrow, but the thought of entering the small cavern left me feeling stressed.

This was all becoming very real and I wasn't sure I was ready for it.

Where had these feelings been on the journey here? I didn't know.

I didn't see him fall back to my position, so I jumped a bit when I felt his cold snout press into the palm of my hand.

"I'm fine." I insisted, forcing one foot in front of the other as I approached the cave.

"How deep is it?" I wondered, twisting the backpack to hang from my front as I got down on my knees.

_About fifty yards or so_.

I took another deep breath.

"Lead the way." I whispered, letting him pass by me.

He entered, leaving me with one last look.

I took one more quick look at the sky.

It was dark now, but the makings of a full moon were beginning to emerge at the tree line.

I shivered.

It's now or never, I guess.

So I pushed myself forward into the cave. Listening for Drake's quiet footfalls.

He constantly made noise, and although I'm sure it was simply meant to assist me through the darkening cave, it also helped calm my nerves.

I had always been a bit claustrophobic, but I trusted Drake not to lead me somewhere dangerous.

A few moments later we happened upon a deeper opening, tall enough to stand to my full height. There was a large circle carved into the ceiling where a small dusting of stars was visible. I had a feeling when the moon reached its zenith it would hover in the exact center.

I dropped the backpack to the ground, understanding that this is where we would be staying. I reached quickly into it's confines, pulling out a small lantern and Drake's clothing.

I set them on the ground in front of him and he took them gently between his teeth, backing away toward another opening in the cave wall.

This place was _vast_.

Once he had gone, I lifted the lantern from the ground and moved to explore the space.

Along with the room Drake had excused himself into, another cavernous opening adorned the far wall. I walked toward it curiously, taking in the makings of a small hot spring fixed into the base of the mountain. The water was bright with healthy, green algae and it bubbled happily. I hadn't thought to bring a bathing suit on this trip...

My cheeks burned crimson as I thought about skinny-dipping in the warm water.

_Lets save that for another time. _I decided, tilting the lantern light back toward the main entrance. I found one more additional opening, but it wasn't large enough to hold me at my full height. It seemed just tall enough to sit up in, but width wise it stretched back into the wall about ten or twelve feet.

Maybe this would be wear we slept?

That thought brought a nervous lump to my throat.

_Why was I scared all of a sudden?_ I had slept beside Drake several times...

Why did this feel so... final?

I sighed.

Along the far wall I found several boxes stacked against the rock. Although they were covered by a weatherproof tarp, it wasn't hard for to guess what it's confines might contain. The lairs, although the primarily utilized as places for transformation, also provided refuge for the shifters. It was rumored that the male shifters were asked to visit each lair prior to their mates' transformation. Nowadays it's more prudent to know all available resources at one's disposal, not that I minded the chauvinistic side of the story.

As far as I was concerned, chivalry was not dead in the least. Traditions were nice sometimes. I approached the boxes, carefully lifting the cloth away. As I was lifting the first lid off, I felt Drake come up behind me, peering over my shoulder.

We both examined the box's contents, finding within it some canned goods, dry firewood, matches, and candles. A spare lantern and a small flashlight also accompanied the kindling.

"Good." Drake stated, reaching in and grabbing the flashlight and lantern.

"Make sure the batteries aren't dead." I whispered, watching as he flicked the switch on the lantern.

Nothing.

"I brought spare batteries. They should be in the front pocket of the backpack." Drake acknowledged, gesturing toward the pack where it lay on the floor.

I nodded, walking over to the bag and reaching into the first pocket.

I easily located the new pack and opened the packaging.

"How many?"

"Just two, I think." He replied, throwing me a soft smile as I handed him the double-A batteries.

"Thanks."

"No problem." I returned the smile, lifting my hand to rest briefly on his shoulder as I reached for the flashlight. I flipped the switch and a circular light illuminated the stone floor.

"Huzah!" I joked, chuckling softly.

Drake mumbled a quiet 'weirdo', to which I replied with an equally mumbled 'can it.'

We both laughed.

After Drake figured out how the batteries fit he set the spare lantern into the shorter opening.

I watched him carefully as he reached into the backpack and pulled out our clothes, setting them on the floor. He pulled out some granola bars and two bottles of water, passing one to me.

"I'm just going to get everything set up." He informed me, moving back toward the second unopened box.

"I'll help." I offered, moving to follow him. He just shook his head.

"Sorry, rules are rules." He shrugged, throwing me a quick grin. I returned the smirk but with less enthusiasm. I knew, rationally, that the male was in charge of nearly every aspect of the female's full moon night. You know, 'Transformation Training' and all that jazzy goodness.

Still, it felt a little off. Almost like we were pretending.

I mean, I had trekked all the way out here to the farthest edge of our forest… but I never really thought about what we would do once we got here.

I wondered if Drake had a plan or if he was just going through the motions of what he was taught.

I suddenly felt very awkward and, although it may not seem logical, slightly embarrassed.

I had no idea what I was doing.

If I had been a shifter, I would have been using this time to get ready. Maybe I would be brushing out my hair, or giving myself a pep talk. At least, that was the kind of thing I imagined girls did on this night.

_I would definitely need a pep talk._

I sighed, running my fingers anxiously through my hair.

The strangest need to apologize suddenly consumed me, leaving me feeling confused and frustrated.

I was tired of feeling so... off about this night. I could talk about it if I wanted to, right?

Right.

Maybe...

Then again, it might be better for me to just let things happen. After all, I could discuss and analyze the issue all I wanted, but nothing would change.

I didn't feel any different today than I felt yesterday.

The only difference was that yesterday this wasn't as real.

Today it's too real.

I decided that I'd like to remain calm for as long as possible.

I quickly looked to Drake, scanning his face for any kind of annoyance or distress.

I really needed to control my mental tangents if I was ever going to convince him I had any sort of sanity.

_Not that I thought I had any_.

He seemed perfectly content, and I watched him silently as he approached the second box, gently lifting the lid away.

This box probably contained a few blankets and pillows. Maybe some extra clothes or a spare toothbrush.

I considered the chances that someone had stored an air mattress out here.

I didn't think they were going to be in my favor.

Drake seemed to pause as he reached into the box, his fingers hesitating as he shifted the contents around.

He produced a blue sleeping bag, and I watched curiously as he set it down beside him on the cave floor.

He seemed tense as he reached back for more.

"What is it?" I wondered, carefully approaching him from behind.

"Nothing." He spoke quietly, this time procuring a red sleeping bag and two white pillows. He squared his shoulders as if to block me from seeing the box's contents and carefully lifted the lid.

I felt my forehead crease together into a look of confusion. Resting my hand on his shoulder, I gently pulled the lid from his grasp.

"Doesn't seem like nothing." I noted, staring down into the large box. At first I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. The box contained nothing, save for a third white pillow and a dark piece of smooth fabric, maybe satin or silk.

... _Silk._

Cue light bulb.

"Oh."

I both heard and felt Drake release a soft sigh, the warm breath casting my loose hair to flutter.

"I didn't realize they kept the robes at the lairs." I stated, reaching into the box and fingering the smooth texture.

"Only the males. Females receive theirs on their-"

"Birthdays. Yea, I know, Lily got hers this year." I finished, turning from the box to face a worrisome Drake.

"Why do you look so guilty?" I wondered, my own worries beginning to set in.

Was he expecting me to feel upset? I frowned, reaching my hand out to gently smooth out his frown lines.

I gave him a small smile.

_Should I feel upset?_

"I'm sorry, Lo." He whispered, returning my gesture with a sad smile of his own. He placed his warm palm overtop of my fingers, pulling my hand away from his face.

"Why are you apologizing?" I wondered, completely confused.

If anything I should have been the one apologizing to him. It was a tradition during the transformation that the female and male both wear robes. It was most convenient for when the actual shifting occurred. This way, a shifter could go from human to wolf without feeling overly exposed to their mate.

Females generally wore white, and males black.

I suddenly felt very sad. This was just one more thing I was taking away from this experience.

If I wasn't going to shift, there wasn't a need for either of us to be wearing a robe.

I think that would just make me more feel even more pathetic.

"I just didn't think about it. I should have said something..." I gently shook my head at his comment.

"No. I knew about this, it's just not something I've thought about recently."

I sighed, giving him a small shrug. I wanted to say so much in that moment, but really... what could I say that he didn't already know? This was not a huge deal in the least. It was silly for him to feel so badly about something so small.

I carefully watched his face, waiting for his expression to change from worried back to content.

I guess I was being a bit too obvious though, because the smile he threw me before turning back to the pallet was not one I recognized to be genuine.

Drake set the pillows down along the top edge, laying the second sleeping bag on top.

"Please don't worry about it. I promise it doesn't bother me." I whispered, not knowing what to say to diminish the steadily growing tension.

I briefly wondered if this would be a good time for me to segway into the conversation that I really needed to happen tonight.

I felt my face pale at that thought.

Maybe I would wait until after the moon...

My attention was brought back to Drake as I heard him secure the lid back onto the box with a resounding 'pop' that echoed throughout the cavern.

He turned back to face the pallet, nodding once to himself before leaning to the floor and opening our shared pack.

I watched quietly as he unpacked our clothes, setting them beside the pallet.

He quickly reached in and pulled out my flannel pajama bottoms and one of his black t-shirts.

I smiled as he handed them to me.

"I thought maybe you'd like to wear it?" I could see his cheeks briefly darken as I reached to grab the clothes from him.

"Only if you won't miss it." I teased, stepping back into the second room of the cavern.

"I'll survive." He spoke back to me, his voice still slightly on edge.

I sighed, frowning to myself as I set out to change my clothes.

I felt self-conscious as I peeled my wet sweatshirt from my cold skin. Suddenly nervous, I quickly peeked back toward the opening into the main cavern, half expecting to find Drake's blue gaze on my own.

I metaphorically swatted at the butterflies filling my stomach as I pulled his T-shirt over my head, relishing in the dry warmth.

I longed for a warm shower or bath. My face felt sticky with rain and the cool, damp environment of the cavern left me feeling like I would never dry off.

I sighed, reaching for the flannel pajama bottoms I had packed. After exchanging my shorts for the pants, I looked toward the warm water of the cavern pool.

The algae along the edges gave the water a strange glow, but the temperature felt soothing as I swiped a few fingers across the surface. I gently captured a small puddle into both palms and brought the water to my face.

I immediately shivered at the sensation, suddenly craving the warmth. I nearly dove in just then, but a soft cough from the other room brought me out of my musings.

I nodded to myself, pushing away from the water's edge and swiping the excess water from my cheeks. I quickly dragged my fingers through my knotted locks, attempting to make them seem more presentable and less sporadic.

I came back a few minutes later, finding Drake sprawled across the bed, his arms folded beneath his head as he looked up through the natural skylight. The moon was just beginning to peak through the far edge. I felt my heart rate pick up momentarily, before I shook my head of those thoughts and walked over to the pack to deposit my day clothes.

When I turned back to the pallet, his eyes were on mine.

"You sure you're okay?" He wondered, tilting his head every so slightly as I approached the blankets.

I nodded, setting myself down beside him and pulling my knees into my chest. I watched as he instinctively swung his arm up and around my back, framing me in my seated position.

"You seem tense." He acknowledged, lazily dragging his warm hand up the length of my spine.

I shivered slightly, my cheeks warming as I caught his gaze with my own.

"Just thinking." I whispered, leaning my weight into his palm as I made to lie back against the pillows.

"About anything particular?" He wondered, bringing me into the circle of his arm. I rested my cheek against his chest, his warm heartbeat resounding strong and heavy against my skin.

I wasn't sure how to respond. Do I bring it all up? Was this a good time?

I had always been one to internalize my emotions. I dealt with them on my own, partly because I knew that no one else would understand what I was feeling, and partly because I never wanted to put my worries on someone else's shoulders. I was that person that put others before herself every step of the way. Maybe that wasn't the point though.

I mean, of course it's noble to want to put others before yourself, but you couldn't always do that. You couldn't always shut the world out, because without fail it was always going to circle back and come knock on your door.

Now I just had to make the decision whether to answer it or not.

Drake wasn't asking me about how I was feeling out of polite concern; he genuinely wanted to understand what I was going through. He wanted to help me.

Why was it so much easier for me to accept that I wouldn't shift than to accept that someone else could care so deeply for me?

In the end, if you don't take the time to decide what you need for own happiness, whether that be through friends or family, you're just going to end up hurting the same people you try to protect.

People who care will always worry about you.

As long as I loved Drake I would constantly worry about his happiness. Is it not rational to conclude that he feels the same about me?

"Please, Logan. Just say something." He whispered, the sound of his voice vibrating throughout his chest. The tone sounded eerie and hollow. It distracted me momentarily, before I was able to form a cohesive response.

"I think...I think I'm finally starting to understand. This night isn't about robes, lairs, or any other traditions." I began, lifting my cheek from its resting place to find his eyes. "I know that coming out here isn't going to change the fact that I'm not going to shift."

I blinked a few times, attempting to clear my thoughts.

I both felt and heard him take in a deep pull of air, his chest rising and falling in time with the breath.

For a moment he was still, then his eyebrows pulled together and a small frown formed against his cheeks.

"Do you not want to be here?" He questioned, his face suddenly weary.

I felt my eyes widen, and I quickly propped myself up on my elbow, studying each emotion that filled his eyes.

"No! That's not what I am trying to say." I assured, sighing as I attempted to organize my thoughts.

"That's not it at all, I just mean that... I am finally coming to terms with things, and that is what is most important about this night." Drake pushed himself into a seating position, and I followed suite, lifting myself away from the pallet and curling my legs underneath me until I was sitting Indian style.

"Am I making sense?" I wondered aloud, frustrated that I was confusing him.

"Yes... You've never been so calm about this though. I don't know whether to be proud or worried." He spoke, reaching out to gently take hold of my hand.

"Is this what you were thinking about on the way here? You were so... far away." I hesitated, not knowing how to respond to the question.

"I was never more than a few feet away." I guess sarcasm was as good a choice as any.

He released a short chuckle.

"You know that's not what I meant." I nodded.

"I just don't want to... overwhelm you with it all." I stated, scared about starting this conversation, but at the same time dying to get it off my chest.

"Overwhelm me? With what?" He wondered, his brow crinkled as he searched my face for the answer.

I felt a push against my mind, but I fought against the forming words. I needed everything to be said out loud. I needed it to feel real.

"I guess, that I just have a lot of questions."

"About what exactly?" He wondered, bringing one of his knees up to rest his arm against. I stayed silent, watching him complete the motion before I began to voice my concerns.

"Mostly? What happens tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Or next week? I mean... how does my being a human affect our...future...together."

Drake's eyes softened for a brief moment, and the slightest of smirks pulled at the corners of his lips.

"You want to talk about our future?" He wondered, his tone almost...hopeful. I nodded, brushing some loose strands of hair behind my ears before I began.

"Yes. I mean, we don't have to hash out every detail. I'd just like a general... outline?"

"An outline?"

"I can't think of a better word at the moment."

"Alright then, where do you want me to begin?"

"Um... how about... sunrise?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

"Well... I think I'll be sleeping in around sunrise." He began, giving me short chuckle. I smiled at the sound, dropping my eyes from his face to the pillows and back. "Then, I suppose we pack up and head back to Wolford."

"And we just go back to our summer jobs?" I questioned.

"Yes, I suppose that's what we'll do." He supplied, scooting himself closer to me.

"What about when the summer is over, and you go off to Dartmouth?" His face seemed to harden momentarily, but he shook it off, giving me a meek smile.

_You know I'll never be that far from you. _He whispered, the words breaking through my mental block. I understood what he meant. We would always have our mental connection.

"Will that be enough?" I wondered aloud, worried that we would drift apart with the physical separation. Would the feelings just dissipate with time and space? Would I always feel so connected to him?

"You will always be it for me, Logan. You know that." He assured, lifting his palm to my cheek to frame my face. I smiled, relishing in the warmth of his skin.

"I do. You know I worry, though."

"You shouldn't."

"I will always find reasons to worry."

"I know."

I sighed, suddenly feeling very exhausted from the trip, both mentally and physically.

I briefly glanced up toward the sky.

"Time always seems to fly by much faster when I'm with you." I commented, feeling my heart sink as I realized the time.

"It won't be long now." He agreed, his eyes following mine to the ceiling of the cavern.

"I'm scared." I admitted, shifting closer to him. Drake always made me feel safe and whole. I craved that sense of security right now.

"Of what?" He questioned, resting his forehead against the top of my scalp.

"Of disappointment."

I felt him press his lips to the top of my head, the gesture keeping me calm as the moon continued its accent.

"Nothing will change, and I think that is what I'm most scared of." I spoke, the words feeling shaky and unstable as they passed through my lips.

"Tell me."

So I did.

"I've been wildly unhappy my whole life... I've always felt that if I was good for anything, it was for being a disappointment to everyone I ever cared about."

"Don't talk like that. No one thinks of your humanity as a degrading or disappointing thing." He assured, using his fingers to tilt my face toward his.

"You're right about one thing, though. You do seem perpetually sad." He stated, tracing his fingers up along my cheeks and around my ears to play with my hair. "I'm hoping to change that, you know. Soon." I smiled, reaching up with my own hand to cradle his face.

"I want a lot of things for you Lo. You're so kind and smart. You deserve the world, and I plan on doing everything in my power to give that to you."

"It's not going to be easy." I stated, tracing lines from the curve of his jaw, down the slope his neck to rest on his shoulder.

"I'm up for the challenge." He stated, planting a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"What if things don't change? What if they don't get better?"

"I'll always be there for you." He assured, making to lie back down on the pillows.

Once more I followed suite, resting my cheeks against his chest.

"What if we fight?" I asked.

"We'll work things out."

"What if I make you hate me?"

"You couldn't."

"What if I make you unhappy? I hold you back from the life that you should have. I want you to have everything, Drake. It's not fair that I get to keep you."

"Because I have you, Logan. Nothing else matters." He sighed, and I felt my eyes glaze over with tears.

"I love you, Drake."

"You too, Lo. You too."

~0~0~0~0~0~

At eleven fifty Drake sat up, making to stand. I watched him, feeling both confused and scared as he made his way over to the wall and bent down toward the backpack.

"Just a sec, Lo." He offered, reaching into the side compartment and pulling out a large Hershey bar.

I felt a soft laugh burst up my throat at the sight of the chocolate bar.

"You can't be serious." I teased, feeling uneasy as the moon shifted closer and closer toward the center of the sky.

"Dead serious."

"I don't think I could eat anything right now." I admitted, feeling guilty about rejecting the gift. I would eat it later, when I wasn't feeling so terrified.

"Okay."

"Can you come back over here, please?" I wondered, feeling utterly pathetic as I watched a concerned frown fall upon his features.

"Of course." He responded, making his way back to the pallet and planting himself down beside me.

"Don't be scared, Logan. I'm here for you, alright?" I nodded, feeling queasy as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"What time is it?" I whispered, once more looking toward the sky.

"We have about two more minutes." He answered, rubbing soothing circles into the back of my neck.

My heart was racing and I felt so on edge that I could just jump out of my skin.

Was it ironic that I wanted nothing more than to do just that? Trade skin for fur.

"How are you feeling?" Drake wondered, gently twirling his fingers around the ends of my hair.

"Nauseas, jumpy, terrified."

"What can I do?"

"Just don't leave."

"I won't."

The moonlight was dim from the light sheen of cloud cover, but it pooled effortlessly along the cavern floor, every second the light seemed to inch closer and closer to the pallet.

"I can't do this."

"Just breath."

I sucked in a shallow breath, releasing it just as quickly as it came.

"Logan?"

"Huh?"

"Logan I need you to look at me." Drake encouraged, shifting to kneel in front of me.

I nodded, looking into his light blue eyes.

"Logan, do you accept me as your mate?"

"What?"

"Do you accept me as your mate?" He asked once more, and in my terrified stupor I quickly nodded me head.

And then he was kissing me, and all my fears and doubts seemed to be placed on pause.

Awareness of everything seemed to slip away.

I moved my lips against his in the same, desperate fashion, breathing heavily as the time continued to tick past.

And then it was midnight, and the realization finally struck me that everything I had ever hoped for in my entire life would come down to this moment.

And then the moon had reached its zenith, and that pool of light seemed to glide across the pallet and toward our faces.

And when Drake broke the kiss and I once more found his gaze, I saw myself reflected in his eyes the same way I had always known myself to be.

Emerald eyes surrounded by straw colored hair.

Human.

Humans as the day I was born.

But something was different.

Something felt off.

Wrong.

"Logan... I..."

"What's happening?"

"What do you mean?"

"Something's different."

"What?"

"I can see you."

"You always see me."

"No."

"I can... I can see you."

Something was definitely different. I could see myself as a girl, a human reflected in Drake's confused gaze. But I suddenly felt so much more powerful, as if I could run for miles and miles without ever stopping for water or air.

There was such a clarity.

An overwhelming clarity.

"I can see you."

My mind was filling to the brim with thoughts and words. I could hear him. I could see him.

No longer just words.

Pictures.

Thousands of them.

Of me, my face, the woods, Wolford, the mountains, the valley, more of me.

Looking around the cavern things were suddenly much more vibrant. The various nooks and burrows of the cavern that once seemed drowned in shadows now where completely visible.

"I don't understand." I whispered, feeling suddenly disoriented and distracted by my new found vision.

"How strange." Drake whispered, a note of fascination in his tone.

"What's happened?" I wondered, finding my reflection once more in his eyes.

"You've shifted."

~0~0~0~0~0~

_AN: I am terribly sorry that this took me so long to write. I hope that the long chapter made up for it in the end. I know that a lot of people are going to have questions after reading this, but they will be answered in the upcoming chapters. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and review my stories. Thank you so much for your support!_

_~ Lauren _


	20. Questions

I was dreaming. It was the only logical reason.

Dreaming.

I inhaled a short breath, swallowing back question after question that threatened to burst from my lips.

I was asleep.

The cool air felt smooth and moist as it wound a path to my lungs. I could taste the slate of the cavern with each inhale. I blinked, my mind a blur of thought and sound. Sensory overload would be one way to describe it. That description, however, seemed far too simplistic.

"You've shifted."

It doesn't feel like a dream, though. I don't remember dreams being this vibrant or this colorful.

No, it's far too realistic.

Maybe a hallucination, then? That seemed more reasonable, more rational than the alternative.

This was not real.

Nothing was real.

I slowly inched away from the floor, examining my legs, arms, and hands for any sign of a physical change. Nothing is different.

"I'm still human."

What did this mean?

"Drake?" My voice sounded so strange, as if I was hearing each pitch distinctly as it passed my lips.

I could hear the soft rustle of the pallet as he stood, and I marked each step he took toward me with careful, precise breaths.

"I don't know." He whispered, lifting his hands as if to touch my face. His hesitance did little for my nerves.

A feeling of unsteadiness begins to slowly consume me. My hands and arms begin to shake with my effort to keep calm.

"Breathe, Logan."

Inhaling sharply, I took another step toward him, placing my arms along either side of his waist. "I suppose they didn't go over how to handle these types of situations in 'Mating 101'." I teased, although I didn't feel as lighthearted as I may have sounded.

He granted me a small smile, resting his palm against the side of my face.

"You were never fully human to me, Lo. There was always something familiar about you." His words confused me, but my brain was having trouble formulating the questions I needed answers for.

I shut my eyes, willing myself to take longer, steadier breaths.

"I don't know how to explain what's happening, but maybe if I talked you through it as if you had shifted? Maybe that would help you learn to control it?" I nodded, quickly, my eyes still closed.

I felt him move his other hand to frame the opposite side of my face, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into my temples.

"Can you describe to me what you're feeling?"

"Um..." I could feel panic beginning to set in.

What if I could never turn this off? What if I never got used to it? What if was over reacting entirely and just making this all up in my head? I'm still human, after all, maybe this is just another side affect of my need for drama.

Then again, maybe this wasn't.

Something was definitely different. Whether that difference was good or bad, I could not tell you. All I could process was that some sort of change had occurred mentally that was affecting me physically in ways I couldn't describe or understand.

I tried, nonetheless, for the sake of my sanity and to appease Drake.

"I can see everything more clearly... I can hear things...better, I guess?" The words felt as silly and improbable voiced as they did in my head. I sighed heavily, attempting to process things.

"Anything else?" He wondered, his fingers continuing to brush soothingly against my skin.

_Breathe, Logan. _

"It's easier to hear your thoughts now. I don't have to focus at all."

I blinked, opening my eyes slowly to focus on his face. The colors of the room still seemed to overwhelm me. "But I had been prepared for that. We knew that this was a part of the whole 'mate thing,' right?"

"I suppose." Drake agreed, brushing a lock of stray hair behind my ear. I was beginning to become more frustrated by the minute. I tilted my face upward, opening my eyes to better read his reactions, but the moon light was making everything far more intense than I had been used to.

"Everything is so bright." I whispered, quickly shutting my eyes once more and resting my forehead against his chest. I set my shaking hands against either of his hip bones, craving for the natural stability our closeness usually supplied.

I felt him pull me in closer, cradling my head to his shoulder.

I pressed my face into the familiar crook of his neck.

"Tell me what you're thinking." I asked, knowing full well I was capable of accessing that information without his knowledge or permission if I really deemed that necessary. Maybe it would become more clear - more real - if I heard him voice those musings.

"I'm thinking we need to head back to Wolford as soon as you're feeling up to the trip." He answered honestly, sighing against the top of my head. I felt him leave a soft kiss against my hairline, his hands moving to find my own as he guided me back toward the pallet.

"First thing tomorrow. I want so badly to help you understand what is happening, but I can't say with certainty what that is, myself." He reasoned, leaning back against the pillows. Without opening my eyes I eased myself down beside him, feeling about for the second sleeping bag to pull over the both of us.

"You smell different." I found myself saying, as I nestled my nose further into the crook of his shoulder. His scent was much more...potent, almost overwhelming.

"Good different?" He wondered with a small chuckle, his arms wrapping around my shoulders. The gesture made me feel so safe.

"Yea, like the woods still, but also like soap and rain and... do you wear cologne?" I wondered, my brow furrowing as I tentatively peeked up at him.

He gave me a curious glance. "No."

"Then... I don't know what, but you smell like spearmint and... chocolate."

He smirked then, chuckling softly.

"Of course I would smell like chocolate to you." He grinned at me, tracing the contours of my arm as he explained.

"Remember that day when I found you crying in the music room?" He asked, smirking at the blush that crept up along my cheeks.

"The day you kissed me for the first time." I responded, urging him to continue.

"Do you remember what I said about your natural scent? How it was so much more potent to me than anyone else's?"

I nodded.

"Well, it is also more potent to me because I am a shifter. My senses are heightened all the time."

I felt his nose brush along my forehead then. "I suspect that is what is happening to you. You have the physical capabilities of a wolf, without the actual physical characteristics. You've shifted, but not completely."

"Logically, I shouldn't have shifted at all."

"There is nothing logical about Shifters, Logan. You know that as well as I do."

"Than if I was meant to shift, as I apparently have, why did the elders believe I was human?" This was the question that most bothered me. Why would the elders have lied to me about being human? They wouldn't have. What purpose would that have served?

If I wasn't meant to shift, and I have... what does that mean for me biologically? Am I ever going to complete the shift? Is it a timing issue?"

Than, all at once, my fears for myself seemed to evaporate as another face came to mind.

_Lily._

"Oh, no." I whispered, a new line of thought sinking in. A feeling of complete dread seemed to consume me then. In my panic, I found myself sitting up straight and tilting my head toward the East, toward the waterfall lair, and toward my twin. Would she have completed her shift, or would she be human? What if she too was stuck in this weird in-between, not quite shifter, not quite human... not quite whole.

"Logan?" Drake wondered, my obvious concern seeming to automatically heighten his. I could hear his breathing patterns change and register the smallest of hitches in his heart rate.

The new sense of hearing distracted me only momentarily as more questions seemed to accumulate in the haze of my mind.

"What if they picked the wrong twin, Drake? What if Lily is human... what if..."

Did I somehow take her ability to shift?

I would never forgive myself.

"Calm down, Logan. I don't think they picked the wrong twin." He spoke. I found little comfort in those words.

"What do you mean?" I demanded, suddenly feeling sick with worry. Drake reached for me, willing me to lie back down.

"Please, you need to calm down, Lo." He reasoned, smoothing my hair back out of my face, his thumbs tracing cool patterns along the apples of my cheeks. I could feel the tears welling up, although it felt impossibly weak to be crying right now.

"I don't know if anyone has told you about, or explained to you a new awareness about instincts once one of our kind shifts?"

I shook my head, no. My thoughts momentarily stuck on his use of the phrase "our kind." Maybe I would never get used to this.

"Well, once I shifted, being around other shifters, like my parents, I just felt a sense of... belonging. There is a sense of security and commradory, I suppose? It's hard to explain."

"I think I understand." I answered, not entirely confident in my answer. I just wanted to keep him talking, because maybe this talking would lead to some assurance about Lily.

"It's a way for shifter to register when they are among their own kind. I bet you've also developed something similar."

I pursed my lips, not entirely sure of whether or not I possessed that particular ability. I suppose I couldn't really test this new found awareness on Drake, since I harbor an uncanny awareness of him as it is, and since I don't have a human to compare it to.

That thought alone left me wavering.

I'm no longer simply a human...

'When I first met Lily, I could tell." He encouraged, hoping his explanations would sooth my rising concerns.

"What about with me? Did you feel that way around me?" I wondered, searching his face for a reaction.

"Yes and no."

_Yes and no?_

"There were definitely times where I got a distinct 'shifter' vibe from you, but they were fleeting. It was almost as if your body couldn't decide if it was going to shift or not, or to what degree I suppose..."

He sighed, "I guess I'm not the best person to ask that question to, since some of those feelings may have been _overshadowed_ by my awareness of you as my mate."

"Great." I sighed, dragging my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"Loga-"

"No, Drake... please, I'm sorry." I didn't mean to be sarcastic, or maybe I did. It wasn't fair to place all my concerns on him. After all, how many of my questions could he answer with absolute certainty?

None.

I feared I would never get concrete answers or solutions to my ever present problems.

Once more I worried for Drake. This night should have been so simple for him. Either way I should either have shifted or remained human. The outcome of those situations would have been easier for him to deal with... This would not be easy or simple, as I so desired.

"Stop that."

Brought up short by the words, I brought my eyes back to his, squinting slightly to diminish the brightness and allow for my eyes to adjust.

"What?" I wondered, searching his face for further signs of his distress.

His mouth tensed in a line, and a quick huff escaped suddenly from his lips.

"You're always blaming yourself for things that are out of your control. Stop worrying about how this change is affecting me, and focus on how it is affecting you." He stated, giving me a hard look. He bowed his head to the floor, releasing a soft sigh.

"Look, Logan. I just want you to be happy. That is my sole purpose in life, but you keep fighting me on this!" He urged, lifting his eyes to find mine.

"You think this is easy, Drake? I'm trying to make things work, but everything is changing so quickly I just can't...I just can't deal with it all." My throat felt raw and my cheeks hot. I could feel myself shake with the effort to hold back the angry tears.

"That is just it, Logan! You think you have to go through this by yourself? You're so consumed with keeping everything perfect for other people, that you constantly forget to take care of yourself."

His voice seemed to deepen and my heart seemed to clench at the pain evident in his expression.

"I'm dedicated to you, Logan. You are my mate, and I will honor and love you for the rest of my life, but I can't do that if you're constantly putting yourself last." He rested his fingers against my knee.

I tried to find a semblance of a smile for his words, but all I could comprehend was guilt. I wanted everything to be perfect for him, hoping that it would make both of our lives a little bit easier. Everything I seemed to be doing, however, was pulling him apart.

How do you teach yourself to be concerned with your own wants and needs when you were concerned about keeping the people around you happy and by your side?

Very few things in my life had remained constant for me. I knew my parents would always be there for me, and they were maybe the only people I ever had a healthy relationship with. But with Lily, with Drake... with everyone else I held close to my heart... How did I not think of them first?

"What are you so afraid of?" Drake questioned, lifting his hand from my knee to rest against my cheek. His eyes searched mine for an answer, I suspected he searched my thoughts as well.

Would he understand?

Could anyone, really?

"I'm...I'm sorry, Drake." I spoke, the words sounding broken as they flew past my lips.

"Don't be sorry, Lo." I felt him move closer to me along the pallet. "Please, just tell me so that I can help you. I want to understand."

Although I am sure his words were meant to make me feel brave, they only served to make me feel so small.

How do you explain to someone who you know is committed to you... that you're terrified of them leaving you?

In a way, keeping people happy had been a way for me to keep them in my life. I knew that being the better person, and putting others before yourself was the right thing to do.

Somehow, with Drake, and possibly with Lily as well, I had blurred the lines between helping others out of love and helping others out of fear. In this case, fear of loss.

The justification seemed so stupid to me now as I attempted to formulate some sort of explanation.

I could think of nothing, only hoping that Drake was following my scattered thoughts on his own.

"I can't lose you." I admitted, my eyes turning to the floor as I felt the tears slide past my grasp. My cheeks felt warm and I fought not to wrap my arms around my middle and hide from him.

My vision blurred and my nose filled with the distinct scent of salt as the tears slide down my cheeks. I felt about ready to crawl out of my skin, both emotionally and physically spent.

I didn't want to think about how any of this was impacting me now. All I wanted to do was think about how it was inconveniencing Drake or affecting my twin who shared this same moon. I wanted to worry, because that is what I was good at.

I just didn't want to worry about myself.

Drake was telling me that it was okay though. Sometimes we all needed to take a break from reality and check back in with ourselves.

He was right, I just didn't want to accept it, because I didn't know how I could change my mannerisms.

"We'll work on it together." He promised, picking up on the last line of thought. "I just want you happy and safe."

_What do I need to get you there?_ He wondered, the thought popping suddenly into my mind, so much clearer than my own in those moments.

What did I need to make me happy now? Could I even think about being happy at a time when nothing seemed to make sense?

And there in lies the answer. I needed someone to help me make sense of my moon.

What was happening to me? Why? How?

This awkward sense of incompletion was causing the both of us stress, and for some reason, I kept allowing myself to forget that Drake knew as much about these changes as I did.

We were figuring this out together. I shouldn't be getting angry or upset.

I shifted... I think. And that is more than I could have ever hoped for.

I turned back toward Drake, supplying his worried look with a small smile. "I'm sorry." I spoke, inching myself closer to him.

"We'll figure this out, okay? Please, just try and get some sleep. We will leave first thing tomorrow for Wolford. Maybe some of our questions can be answered there."

I nodded, tilting my face up to leave a soft kiss against his cheek.

"Okay."

I felt his arm tighten around me as he once more adjusted the covers to protect us from the damp, cool environment of the cavern.

Sleep was slow to come.

~0~0~0~0~

Even in my dreams, my new found heightened senses never seemed to diminish. Although my closed eyelids protected me from the brightness of the cavern, they did little to dull my new sense of hearing or smell.

Everything felt so magnified in this state. Every breath Drake took I could hear whir past his lips and down into the empty caverns of his lungs. Every drip of rainwater against the walls or the ceilings of the burrow made me tense ever so slightly. It was all very distracting.

When morning came, and the sun's bright rays seemed to over heat our pallet on the floor, I was too afraid to move. I was too afraid to open my eyes for fear of blinding myself.

I felt Drake stir beside me, and a wave of new thoughts and feelings seemed to permeate every edge of my mind. Concern for me, and a desire to get back to Wolford seemed to be at the forefront of his agenda for today.

I hoped that our journey wouldn't be marred with the after affects of our discussion last night. His words seemed to continuously ring in the back of my mind, and I tried to keep his message at heart.

Help him to help me.

"Good morning." He whispered, tracing a soft line down the side of my cheek.

"I don't want to open my eyes." I confessed, ducking into the shadows of the blankets once more.

"You're eyes will adjust, Logan. It's not so bad."

"Promise?"

"Mmhmm."

I waited another moment or so before squinting my eyes open, just so. The light seemed momentarily overwhelming, but my will to get up and start heading to Wolford drove me to push past the fear and just take in this new world.

"Wow." I whispered, taking in the scene before me. The cavern was a completely different color scheme than the previous night. The sunlight shone against the stone brining out deep purples and silvers in the rock itself. I smiled, twisting my neck around to take in the whole view, stopping to examine my own skin and fingers in the daylight.

"What do you think?" Drake wondered, moving to stand off the pallet and gather up some of our things.

"I think I am horrendously pale." I stated, only half-teasing. My arms shone slightly from the humidity of the cavern and the prior day's rainfall, the tone seeming so much lighter than I previously perceived.

"You look beautiful." He insisted, handing me a change of clothes for the journey back.

I took them gratefully, moving into the other room to freshen up and change into day clothes.

I scooped a few handfuls of water from the small pool, wiping the sleep away from my face and cooling off my skin. The patterns of ripples in the water were far more intricate with my new found vision and I found myself momentarily distracted by their confusing shapes.

"Logan?" I turned quickly, finding Drake's puzzled expression in the entry way. "You ready?" He asked, reaching for my hand as I stood to follow him.

"Yes." I smiled, lacing my fingers with his as he slung the backpack up around his shoulders.

We quickly made our way out of the burrow and into the warm heat of summer on the other side. The trek down the mountainside was much more pleasant in this whether, than it was the day before in the pouring rain.

I found it easier to locate better footholds, and my strength never seemed to fade even as we finished the first two or three miles.

"You're keeping up nicely." Drake teased, noting out matching strides as we rounded up out of the valley.

"I feel different today. It's strange, but I feel like I could run the rest of the way and not get tired, or thirsty, or anything." I commented, blushing a bit as Drake raised a curious eyebrow.

"Do you want to test that theory?" He questioned, moving into a slow jog and laughing at my nervous expression.

I drew in a long breath, threw my hair up into a pony tail and matched his trot as we continued on our way.

The first few minutes flew by, I felt none of the familiar pain that running long distance usually gave me. Each stride left me with a feeling of power and strength, and after the next mile, I picked up the pace.

Drake remained quiet, moving to flank my right side as he watched me run through the trees.

I couldn't help the smile that broke out on my face as the wind whipped wildly against my cheeks and through my hair.

Tree stumps, fallen logs, stones, and the like were easily avoided as I seemed to see them coming from yards and yards away.

Around nine or so we had already covered nearly the entire journey. I stopped when we had reached a small creek, opting for a cool drink from the waters.

"I guess I was wrong about that whole not getting thirsty thing." I jested, turning to look at Drake as he took a seat against a nearby boulder.

He had a quizzical look on his face and he gave me an incredulous sort of smile as I moved to sit beside him.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just... Your whole shifting experience is... fascinating. It's like you have everything except the wolf shape."

I pursed my lips, but gave him a small nod.

"It's definitely more than I ever expected."

"Mmm." He voiced, turning his gaze in the direction of Wolford.

"You ready for this?" He questioned, reaching for my hand.

I nodded, standing to follow him.

Maybe finally I would get some answers.

0000000000000000

A/N: Sorry for the slightly short chapter, this week has been very busy. The next update won't be for another three weeks or so, and for that I am sorry.

Thanks for reading!


	21. Answers

**A/N: Please keep in mind that I am not a biology major. Enjoy!**

The closer we came to Wolford's gates, the more aware I was becoming of my new found auditory senses.

The walk had provided me with a series of familiar sounds. Those noises one would expect from a journey through the forest; rustling leaves and branches, various birds, even our own light footfalls. Everything was new and everything was much _more_ than I had previously deemed it as.

It was easy now to pick up on Drake's thoughts. No longer did I have to give my full focus to the task of catching a few words, they flowed as easily into my mind as my own did.

So simple.

Like breathing.

It was so clear to me now how Drake had been feeling since we first met.

Complete.

Whole.

I looked at him now as the odd, yet familiar, sounds prickled at the far edges of my hearing range.

"How far are we?" I wondered aloud, slowing my pace and reaching for Drakes' outstretched hand.

"Only another half mile or so." He responded, his brow furrowing as he tilted his head toward the east. Toward Wolford.

"Do you hear it to?" I wondered in a whisper, afraid to disrupt his perfectly poised concentration.

"Yea." He answered, glancing at me once before leading me along the path.

"Are they yelling?" It seemed like such a harsh sound. So many voices talking at once, such different pitches and frequencies.

But even more than those thoughts voiced were the ones that now assaulted my mind. Wolves on duty couldn't speak out loud, but it was easy enough for me to pick up on their thoughts as we rounded the final corner and entered through the gates.

"Pack mentality." I spoke, staring inquisitively at the shifters as we crossed to the front door.

_Did she shift?_

_I can hear her thoughts..._

_What does this all mean?_

What did it mean, indeed.

The doors felt ominous and seemed heavy as I pushed my way through them and into the main hall.

The voices were more distinct in here.

I could hear Lucas, Elder Wilde... Rafe...

So many familiar sounds.

One stuck out above the rest though.

"Lily?" I wondered, picking up my pace as I moved through the corridor and to the Dark Guardian's main conference room.

I'd never been allowed in here during meetings before, but I was dying to know how my twin had taken to the transformation.

Did she shift?

Was she healed?

"Lily?" I questioned once more, turning the knob on the large wooden door and stepping inside the stone room.

A dozen heads raised in my direction. Looks of annoyance melted into intrigue and then confusion.

I felt Drake press a strong hand to the small of my back as he moved me through the doorway and toward the long table at the room's center.

I searched the room then, easily locating my sister's dark gaze just across the table. Austin stood beside her, strong and stoic. It felt as if he were almost protecting her from the loud tones of the room's other occupants.

"What's happening?" I heard myself ask, my eyes moving from Lily to Austin and then to Lucas, who stood near his father at the head of the table.

A silence had settled.

"Logan." Elder Wilde greeted, gesturing toward the empty chair across from my sister. I glanced at the chair and then back toward Lily once more.

"Please, take a seat. We have a lot to... discuss." He spoke, his voice even and monotonous as ever. I hesitated only briefly, allowing enough time for Drake to move around me and pull the chair away from the table.

"Sit." He whispered, leading me to the seat before planting himself down in the chair beside me.

He took my hand once more.

"I see you have both made it back safely." The Elder began, shifting his gaze between the dozen or so of those who had gathered to attend this impromptu meeting.

I too took the opportunity to search the room. Did their eyes hold the answers I sought so desperately? What was happening to me, what had happened to Lily? What did it all mean?

Lily.

The thought brought me back to the conversation.

"We have contacted your parents, they should be arriving within the next few minutes. We'll begin once we're all settled." He stated, the slightest of smiles tugging at the corners of his heavily wrinkled cheeks.

"Is that necessary?" I heard Austin whisper across the table. I turned my head to see him and Drake exchange an agreeable glance.

I squeezed Drake's hand, hoping to offer him some reassurance.

Lily continued to remain silent, her gaze relentlessly shifting between Drake and I before it would return back to Austin.

"What happened last night?" I wondered aloud to her, imploring her to break her unusual silence.

She faltered in her pattern of glancing upon hearing my words, her eyebrows knitting into a confused line. "I'm not entirely sure." She responded after sometime.

I didn't know what to make of her response, and as a result, was not able to form one of my own.

Did she not complete her shift, either?

Oh no.

The room began to get restless as the conversation was kept in pause. I was hyper aware of the presence of all the Dark Guardians, their brooding, ominous forms were stationed strategically about the space.

_Why is everyone here? _I thought, hoping the words would make themselves known in Drake's thoughts as well.

"Not sure."

_Is it a good sign?_

He gave me a small shrug, his eyes soft.

_I'm nervous._ I admitted.

"Me too." He offered, placing our entwined hands in his lap. The gesture felt protective, and made me feel safe.

We continued to wait.

Another ten minutes passed before my mother and father showed up at the door.

My mother had never seen the inside of the room before, as she had been a static her entire life up until meeting my father.

This room was meant for guardians and elders only.

It was also meant for serious discussions about the pack and it's safety.

"Logan, Lily, is everything alright?" I heard my mother ask as she separated from my father and came rushing toward the two of us.

I nodded softly, letting the confusion show on my face.

"We had to wait for you." Lily spoke, turning to face my father. "Can we get started, please?" She wondered, now turning to face Elder Wilde.

Lucas called the meeting to order, and everyone moved from their places about the room to take their seats along the table.

My nerves doubled two fold.

"As leader of the Guardians and future leader of the pack, I have called this meeting to order upon receiving news of the unexpected occurrences during last night's full moon."

Lucas began, his gaze landing on first Lily and than me.

"Did you tell them?" I whispered to Drake, wondering how they could possible know about my semi-shift.

"No." He responded, his own confusion evident on his face.

Something must have happened with Lily then.

Why hadn't she already told me?

"We've called Doctor Sheehan here, as well as some of our most knowledgeable historians to help explain."

Everything seemed to blur then as Dr. Sheehan stood from her seated position and moved toward Lily.

"We're going to need to take some blood samples." She explained, holding up a small kit she held in her hand.

I stared at her blankly for a moment.

"Why?" Drake questioned, his eyes tense and his voice fierce as he stared at the kit.

"Lily, what happened?" I begged, my eyes now turning to Austin, whose face seemed to harden. He clenched his jaw, weary to speak.

A great tension seemed to settle between the two of us, Lily's confused gaze flitted between my own and that of her mate's.

I couldn't handle the silence.

The worry, the anticipation, the sheer wonder of it all had me bound so tightly I felt I was suffocating.

"Did you shift?" Drake wondered, voicing the continuous stream of questions that entered my mind.

Lily exchanged one more glance with Austin before nodding her head.

"I don't remember much, but eventually I shifted." She whispered, as if not believing the words that passed through her lips.

"What do you mean by that, exactly?" Elder Wilde asked her. I had a feeling he knew the whole story, but for either my sake or his own, was attempting to bring the meeting back to focus.

Austin spoke before Lily had pulled in a steady breath.

"She shifted from human to wolf." He started, moving his hand to clasp hers.

I didn't understand where he was going with this or why he made it sound so ominous. A wolf form was the usual shape that was taken, although I had heard of others.

"But there was nothing normal about her shift. It started out as I expected but... she just... lost control."

"Lost control?" Rafe wondered aloud, leaning in closer as Austin prepared to explain.

"She went from human to wolf, there was nothing shifter about her. It was as if she had lost her humanity. I couldn't communicate with her, she was skittish and afraid of me, even in my wolf form." Lily's dark locks began to shiver with her effort to remain still and calm. I could tell that she was confused. Like me, Lily never wanted to be a burden to others, I was afraid she was worrying about how her shift affected Austin rather than how it affected her own health.

"What did you do to get her to shift back?" I wondered, longing to reach across the space and take Lily's other hand in my own.

"I waited, keeping her close. It was difficult to keep her from running off, but I didn't know what else to do." Austin sighed, scrubbing a hand along the side of his face.

"After a few hours she seemed to faint from exhaustion. She shifted between her human and wolf forms, before settling back into wolf again." Lily bit her lip, ducking her head to the table.

"It was hours before I started to hear her thoughts, before she looked at me with any semblance of recognition."

I took in a shuddering breath, so afraid for my twin, for my sister.

"I alerted Lucas the second I found a free moment. We arrived here only an hour or so before you did." He spoke, gesturing to Drake and I.

I nodded, my eyes still trained on Lily's timid face.

"What's happening to me?" She whispered, her voice quivering with unshed tears.

Austin seemed equally distressed, not knowing how to comfort her in such a situation. He moved his chair closer to hers, bringing her into the expanse of his arms.

"We were hoping for some answers." Austin stated. His eyes moving from mine to Lucas and then to Elder Wilde.

"Yes, it is a rather strange predicament. I'm not sure we've ever had a case of this nature before." He muses, pushing some papers and books that lay in front of him around the desk.

"What can you tell us about the shift, from a biological standpoint?" My father's voice startled me, but the question was simple and necessary. We had to start somewhere.

Lucas looked toward his grandfather, seeking permission to take lead on this explanation.

"What we know of our shifting from a scientific standpoint is limited. It has always been complex, as each experience is different for each shifter."

He twisted in his seat, his gaze falling on Lily before moving to Brittany across the room. Brittany was human, but, like Lily and I had one static parent and one shifter.

"Following Brittany's shift, a conclusion was drawn that the shifter DNA was recessive, meaning that if only one parent possessed the ability to shift, than the offspring would simply remain human."

A few heads nodded about the room, encouraging Lucas to continue with his explanation.

"This sentiment seemed completely plausible at the time, and with no other reasonable explanation from our doctors and scientists, we accepted the hypothesis as fact."

Lucas sighed, his gaze now fixed on Lily as he continued. "It wasn't until Lily started showing signs of shifting abilities that we began to question ourselves. If our guesses about Brittany had been accurate, neither Logan nor Lily would have shifted. They would have remained human, like their mother."

"This was obviously not the case, as Lily has completed, however strangely, her own shift."

More nodding.

I felt myself nodding as well, completely immersed in the explanation Lucas was offering.

It wasn't until a small thought from Drake crossed my mind that I realized...

_Logan shifted too._

They didn't know.

My worry for my own sister and curiosity about her shift had left me silent on the subject.

"We have a new hypothesis now, something that we hope observation and some DNA sampling will confirm." Lucas continued, oblivious to my inner mental struggle.

Dr. Sheehan stepped forward then, and after receiving a 'go-ahead' nod from Lucas, began to speak.

"We believe that the shifter gene is sex-linked." She looked about the room as if this were explanation enough. When the silence seemed to stretch on for unnecessary moments, she began to elaborate.

"Meaning that it is passed from mother to son, and from father to daughter."

A few people furrowed their brows, and the silence continued.

It was a lot to process, and didn't necessarily add up. If that were true, there would have been no doubt of my shifting.

"So... if both parents are shifters, than all the offspring will also shift. However, if only one is a shifter, than a child of the opposite gender will shift?" The words seemed more confusing leaving Austin's lips as they did from Dr. Sheehan's.

"Basically, if a male shifter marries a female human, than only the female children will shift and the males won't?" I questioned, glancing between my parents. They seemed so utterly stunned.

"So if we had a son, he would not shift?" My father questioned, doubt laced in his tone.

"That is our theory." Dr. Sheehan responded, supplying him with a soft, almost sad smile.

The conversation paused for a moment, as we allowed the new information to sink in.

Could it be true? Was that reasonable explanation enough?

I still had so many questions. So many doubts.

Apparently so did my mother.

"Then why is it that Logan didn't shift?" She spoke, her tone harsh and accusatory. Even then she defended me, not knowing that shifting is exactly what I had done.

Lucas gave a small shrug, but before he could open his mouth to respond, I already had.

"I did shift."

...

The moment the syllables leave my mouth, more than dozen pairs of eyes snap toward my face.

I could see it then. The doubt. The speculation.

So much new information in such a short time.

So much to process...

Too much.

"I'm sorry?" Elder Wilde questioned, his brow crinkling in confusion.

I could feel a blush creep at the base of my neck and around my ears. I squeezed Drake's hand once more, hoping to gather strength enough for this explanation.

The problem was, that I didn't have one.

Even more prominent than my own confusion was the feeling of almost victory from leaving an entire room of shifters stunned.

_Yes, I did it. You never thought I could, but I did._

"You shifted?" Lily breathed, low and steady. Her voice is laced with tension, but the sense of wonderment on her face leaves me feeling completely secure.

"Well... sort of?" I finally admit, ducking my head to the table. I stole a glance at Drake, asking him to take the reigns from here.

He gave me a small nod and a soft smile.

"Logan never completed the full shift from human to wolf form, but she posses many of the physical and instinctual tendencies of a shifter." He states.

He seems almost proud explaining all of this to the leaders of our pack. It is something to celebrate, even if it is confusing.

I would feel nothing but happiness and pride, if the words didn't also leave me with a sense of skepticism.

One glance around the room and I knew that I was not the only critic.

"We understand that Logan is quite capable. She is knowledgeable about our kind and she is obviously in a healthy, fit condition to perform many of the guardian tasks..." Lucas began, his voice weary. He seemed to be preparing to let me down, calmly, easily. He doesn't understand. No one does...not even me.

So I did what I do best.

Rant.

Find proof.

Keep them listening.

"My senses are heightened, I can see much more clearly, even at night. I can hear things from what seems like miles away. My sense of smell is so different now, everything I come across brings me a new scent to learn and memorize." I speak, my voice breathy, but steady. I know that I am different.

"She ran the entire way from the lair to Wolford this morning." Drake added.

I could feel the stares of every occupant in the room. Elder Wilde's the most skeptical of them all.

"It could just be a coincidence. It doesn't necessarily mean that she has shifted." He supplies.

"A coincidence?" Drake gives a small huff, obviously annoyed that not one person seems to be taking this matter seriously.

"Obviously these past few years have taken an emotional toll on you, Logan. Maybe you have allowed your hope to trick you into thinking that you're more capable." Elder Wilde supplied, his gaze full of pity.

I had to bite back the sarcastic response that popped into my mind.

_Sympathetic shifting_? _Was he serious_?

However, what more can I say?

Drake sighs, lifting his free hand to scratch at the back of his neck.

_He doesn't know what else to say._

And for a moment, neither do I.

What more could I say? I couldn't exactly demonstrate my night vision at this moment.

They could only take my word on my heightened senses, and right now they didn't seem to trust me.

Was there anyway to test it?

My mind felt blank and empty.

With one last careful look, Lucas began to turn the conversation back to Lily, his gaze weary every time he meets our side of the table.

"Wait." I begin, knowing now that there was a way to explain.

"On our way into the village. I could read the thoughts of the shifter's on guard." I supplied, knowing that this, and nothing else, will prove me correct.

And for a moment, I think I've done it.

But my words are not enough.

Lucas is baffled, and appears frustrated with my persistence.

_I shifted; can people not see that for what it is? A basic impossibility._

"Hm." Lucas mumbles, turning to face the rest of the room.

"Rafe." He speaks, giving his second in command a curt nod. Rafe responds quickly, pushing his chair back from the table and moving to exit the room.

He leaves the door slightly ajar.

"He is going to shift, isn't he?" Drake states, his face angled toward the door.

"Yes. If this is true... there is much to be considered." Elder Wilde speaks, his voice quiet but firm.

Rafe returns only moments later, now a large black wolf.

It is such a strange sight to behold.

Drake and Rafe appear very similar in their wolf shapes. Both are long and lean, and dark.

To a human, and maybe even to a third party shifter they would maybe be mistaken for one another.

However, the differences I see are vast and clear.

I momentarily wonder if Lindsay, Rafe's mate, shares the same feelings.

"Logan, please demonstrate your abilities by repeating everything you hear in Rafe's mind."

I can feel myself nod. My throat feels dry, but I am wild with adrenaline, so ready to prove to everyone that I am more than human.

As soon as I concentrate, the words come easily.

"My name is Rafe Eric Bennett. I am 23 years old. My favorite color is green." I speak, my tone dropping as if to mimic his thoughts.

I can sense Drake's mental laughter at my change in voice.

I can hear Drake's mental speech stutter as he acknowledges my honesty.

_Yes Rafe. It's true._ I tell him, supplying a small smirk of my own.

"Continue." Lucas states, although everyone seems to have accepted my story as true.

"Um..." I return to focusing on Rafe. "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers"...

Drake couldn't hold back the soft snort.

Rafe stops then, turning to nod once at Lucas before leaving to return to his human form.

"Satisfied?" I question Lucas, ready to continue.

"Yes."

"Great. So now that we have established that both my daughter's have shifted, let's focus on why there seemed to be a problem on both ends." My father states, his tone thick with annoyance. He turned his attention to Elder Wilde then, who didn't seem to have anything to add at the moment.

"Dr. Sheehan and the rest of the board will have to discuss other possibilities." He supplies after a moment, leaning his elbows along the hard wood of the oak table.

I can see Dr. Sheehan nod out of the corner of my eye, and I watch her take a few steps toward where Lily and I are seated.

"We are hoping that an examination of the twin's DNA will help to explain the differences in their shifts. If we can pinpoint the difference, maybe we can map out the Shifter genome. We can finally have a better understanding of the science behind the magic."

I took a deep breath, immediately shying away from the first aid box she held in her hand.

I was never a fan of needles.

Drake squeezed my hand and I shifted my gaze to his face.

_Are you okay with this?_ He questioned, his posture tense as he awaited my response.

"I just need answers."

Across the table I catch Lily's eye.

My sister.

My twin.

I can see her give Austin a similar response as the one I have given to Drake.

"Okay." She agrees.

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**A/N:** Like I said before, I am no scientist. Hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, I know it has been months since I've last updated.

Thanks to everyone who takes their time to read and review! I really appreciate the feedback :)


	22. Theories

It had been eight minutes since they placed the needle in my arm.

The clock on the far wall kept a steady beat. I measured my breaths carefully, keeping my attention away from the slowly filling IV bag.

'This was going to give us answers'. According the to the doctors, a few simple analysis of our DNA would help procure said answers. Lucas would affirm the sentiment with a slight nod of his head now and then as he moved about the room.

Answers.

I had never thought to need these answers. My existence was supposed to be simplistic and static.

Unchanging.

Now I am stuck somewhere in-between, not quite shifter, not quite human… not quite whole. Or at least, it felt that way.

I heard Drake release a shallow sigh beside me.

I squeezed his hand, careful not to jar the contraption beneath my skin.

"Just a few more minutes for safe measure." Dr. Sheehan spoke around a smile.

_How are you feeling?_ I answered Drake's thought with a small shrug of my shoulders. If I was being honest with myself I felt rather lightheaded and a bit nauseous. I was never one for needles, or even doctor's offices for that matter.

_It doesn't hurt much. _I watched Drake glance between the needle in my arm and the expression on my face. I felt him shift in his seat as he drew me closer, gently wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

Moments later I watched Dr. Sheehan carefully pull the needle from the hollow of my elbow, and remove the tourniquet.

The rush of blood back into my forearm had been painful for only a moment, before I was presented with a bandage and some gauze to stop the blood flow.

Across the room, Lily's arm had also been bandaged. They were taking our samples to the lab now, as everyone filed out of the meeting room.

Lucas' form came to a slow stop, halfway between Lily and I. "As soon as we figure out what's going on, you two will be informed. For now, please try to get some rest."

I nodded politely, holding back an impatient grimace. I knew it would be a while before any conclusions could be met, but I worried the results couldn't come soon enough.

Drake dropped his arm from around my shoulders, moving to stand in front of me. "How are you feeling?" He wondered, offering me his hand. I accepted, and he helped to brace my weight as I rose to unsteady feet.

"Just a bit dizzy." He nodded, reaching for a bottle of water from the tabletop. Dr. Sheehan had instructed us to keep ourselves hydrated for the next few hours while our bodies replenished the lost blood supply.

"I don't want them to take anymore blood." I stated, glancing toward where Austin had Lily settled into his lap. She had her arm cradled to her chest, her head resting along Austin's left shoulder.

"They shouldn't have to." Drake assured me, picking up my container of orange juice and gesturing toward the exit.

"Maybe you should lie down for a bit while they are running their tests." He suggested, moving to warp an arm around my waist.

Logically, I knew I should take the time to rest. After all, I hadn't slept well the night before and I had made the twelve-mile run back here this morning.

I, however, was more concerned with having some time to talk with Lily. I wanted to know more about what had happened. I wanted to help her find answers too.

I once more glanced toward my sister, but found she was lost in her own world, staring blankly at the tabletop.

_It is probably best for both of you to be resting right now. _Drake's thought made sense, yet some part of me didn't want to leave her at a time like this, especially when she seemed so distressed.

"You're probably right."

Lily was processing. I needed to process too.

"Maybe we should go upstairs for a bit." I wondered, turning my eyes to look up at Drake.

He gave me a short smile and a slight nod.

"Do you want me to keep you company?" He asked, his voice hesitant. I gave him a strange look at the comment.

"Of course." My answer earned me a soft smile. "Can we go to your room? My parents are here now and I don't really feel like talking to them just yet." I explained, leading the way toward the door and into the hallway.

The day's events were beginning to take more of a physical toll on me than I had originally planned. I was a basic rag-doll in Drake's arms as he helped me keep my balance climbing the stairs.

Drake had me stop and rest outside the door to his quarters, helping me lean against the wall as he searched into his pack for a bottle of water.

I accepted the gesture happily, twisting the top off and taking several generous sips of the cool liquid.

"Thanks." Drake retrieved the bottle from me, once more wrapping an arm around my waist as he pushed open the door.

I immediately made my way through the dark room to the soft, empty bed at its center. Pausing, only momentarily, to contemplate the fact that I didn't need a light to be turned on. It was still mid day, but the curtains had been drawn to keep the room cool. For a human, it would have taken a few moments for their eyes to properly adjust.

I hit the mattress with a thud, not worrying at all about how ungraceful my motions might have seemed.

I was careful not to jar my arm too much, not wanting to irritate the injection site. The consistent throbbing was reminder enough.

Drake watched me calmly as he placed the pack at the foot of the bed and made to close the door.

He seemed unnaturally quiet as he slowly made his way to the other side of the bed, kicking off his tennis shoes and carefully climbing in beside me.

We both seemed to reach for one another in the same instant. Drake, always so aware, wrapped me carefully into his arms. I, on the other hand, all but collapsed against his chest, my body suddenly reaching the absolute threshold of exhaustion.

Where had all of my energy from before gone?

_The blood samples must have taken a lot out of you._ Drake thought back to me.

I nodded.

"Yea." I agreed, closing my eyes and letting my thoughts drift.

"Do you think the blood samples are going to be helpful?" I wondered aloud, lifting my torso up just enough to see his tired eyes. "I mean, we really don't know much about the shifter-genome to begin with, and I doubt they are going to be able to easily pin-point what exactly the problem is…" I muttered, searching his face for any sign of understanding.

I felt as he shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think they are expecting to unravel any great mysterious from the samples." He spoke, lifting his arm from around my waist to trace the line of my jaw.

I smiled at the gesture, blushing a bit as he led my head back down to rest upon his chest. "I understood it as more of an exercise in comparison." He began, dropping a soft kiss near my temple. "We really don't know that much about our genetics, but we do know which of the chromosomes controls the shift. If they find an abnormality in your blood that Lily's doesn't have, then they know where to start." He explained, his hand moving from my hair along the contours of my spine.

I closed my eyes once more, filtering the words through my exhausted mind. The hastiness of the morning left me with very little time to process how I was feeling since my shift. I made to sit up, reaching across Drake to the nightstand where he had set my bottle of water.

I took a few sips, offering the bottle to him. He took it happily; sipping shallowly and handing it back to me.

"Are you hungry?" He wondered, propping himself up on his elbow, his eyes searching the room for his backpack.

I shook my head.

"You should probably eat something, Lo." He stated, his eyes searching my face for agreement.

"The only thing I can think about right now is taking a nice, long nap." I insisted, patting the space where he once lay.

"Alright."

It didn't take more than a few moments after that for my body to finally succumb to slumber; the day's events finally catching up with me.

0000000

When I woke up, Drake was gone. A note was left in his place with instructions to drink the glass of orange juice he had left more me in his parent's fridge.

I sat up slowly, careful not to jar my arm. It was still tender from earlier, and it left me wondering why I couldn't get the healing part of the shifter abilities as well.

Then again, maybe I did have that ability. Maybe I just didn't know how to use it.

Hopefully more information could be realized after the processing of the blood samples.

I sighed, lifting the covers away from my legs and moving to stand up from the bed.

It was early evening and dinner would begin to be served in the cafeteria soon. I was starving, but confused as to where Drake had run off.

I knew that we couldn't be together twenty-four seven, but I was still very much on edge after last nights events. I wanted him here with me.

I took the opportunity to shower and change. I had been in the same clothes since our run this morning. I felt sweaty and grimy and I wanted the feeling of humanity that only came from soap.

I secured a bandage around my arm before entering the hot spray. I showered quickly, wanting to return to the main level and locate Drake.

I also wanted to find Lily. I wondered if she was still resting. Where would she be, in our family's quarters or with Austin?

I had no idea where his rooms were.

I changed into a pair of denim shorts and a long-sleeved t-shirt. I pulled my tennis shoes on and dried my hair, brushing out the tangles.

I located the necklace Drake had given me at the bonfire a few nights before, securing it around my neck before heading out the door and down the stairs.

I took the steps two at a time, not worrying about my clumsiness. My newfound reflexes were wonderful, and I made excellent timing as I arrived in the main hall.

I took quick steps and long strides as I rounded the corner to the cafeteria. I wasn't particularly hungry, but dinner would be being served soon. I was hopeful of locating my sister or her mate. I also wanted to question Lucas and know if they had made any progress with the samples.

When I reached the cafeteria, I searched the gathered crowd for a familiar face. Brittany gave me a small wave from her seat beside Connor. I searched the other faces at the table but found no one of consequence to my current mission.

I walked over anyways, grabbing an apple and a bottle of water on my way.

"Have any of you seen Drake? Or Lily, maybe?" I wondered, glancing around at the gathered guardians.

"The guardians were called in for a meeting about an hour ago. It just let out." Connor began, taking a bite of his burger. "Drake was there."

I nodded, thankful for the information.

"Do you know where he went off to?" I questioned, sipping deeply from the water bottle.

Lindsey raised a questioning brow. "Can you not reach out to him through your mental connection?" She questioned, receiving a jab in the side form Brittany.

"She may not have that ability." She spoke harshly, glaring at Lindsey who now threw me an apologetic stare.

"Oh. No, I didn't think to try that… Guess this is all new to me." I pushed away from my seat, grabbing up my apple and tossing the now empty bottle into the recycling.

"It was nice seeing you guys." I stated awkwardly as I rushed to exit the cafeteria.

I felt stupid for not thinking to use the mental connection earlier, but then again, I had never tried to with this much distance between us.

I felt silly as I leaned up against the stone wall, closing my eyes. This shouldn't be that difficult, but I was afraid any small distraction would break my concentration.

I tried to tune out the noises of other shifters and novices as they walked past me. I kept my mind as focused as I could, while at the same time leaving it open in case Drake was attempting to reach me.

_Drake? _I wondered, hoping that my efforts would prove useful.

I was receiving no feedback on his end. Was he blocking me? Maybe he was just tuned out… was that even possible? I released a frustrated sigh. _Where could he be?_

I think my worry and anxiety over my "shift" was putting me on edge. It was harder than it should have been to call upon my heightened senses. I didn't know where to begin with this whole tracking thing, and I felt a bit silly as I tried to discretely scent the air, searching for any sign of Drake.

_Finding him should not be this difficult._

After a few attempts at trying and failing to follow what little of Drake's scent I could locate, I found myself running straight into Lucas.

"Not my intended target." I muttered under my breath. I supposed talking to him was the next best option, though.

"Hey, do you know where Drake is?" I wondered hurriedly, trying to convey my concern and sense of urgency through my voice.

"I sent him down to the infirmary where they are testing the samples. I believe Austin and your sister are down there with him." He supplied, giving me a half smile and patting me on the shoulder as he passed.

_The infirmary?_

I was confused, why hadn't I been called down with him?

I whispered a quiet 'thanks' before making my way down to the basement and toward the medical wing.

As I made my way through the doors I caught Drake's scent. It was stronger here and easier to follow. When I reached the waiting room I caught sight of Austin through the door and waved my arm to get his attention.

He looked over at my hurried arm motions and turned back to face whomever he was speaking with.

It was only a moment later when I saw Drake emerge through the doorway.

"Hey." He spoke, shutting the door closed behind him and making to move toward me. He made quick work of the space between us, reaching out to lay a hand on my hip.

"You're awake." He spoke, lifting his other hand to brush a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

"Yea, I woke up and you were no where to be found." I gestured toward the door. "What gives?" I asked. I could tell my tone came out harsh-sounding. I felt a little shut out and confused about why I wasn't currently being included in these conversations.

I shot another glance toward the window, but Austin had now moved from my line of sight.

"Lucas called a meeting of the Guardians. You were sound asleep, so I figured I would go and then find my way back upstairs." He explained, dropping his hold on my waist and gesturing toward a couch on the far end of the room.

I wasn't sure how long we would be staying here. In fact, I wasn't exactly sure why we were in the infirmary in the first place.

"You're not hurt are you?" I wondered aloud, my eyes now glancing over his seemingly unharmed form.

"I'm fine." He assured, taking a seat on the couch and motioning for me to do the same.

"Dr. Sheehan ran some initial tests. She had questions about Lily's blood." I was intrigued by his comment, why was Lily's blood so interesting?

"Did they figure anything out?" I wondered aloud, tilting my chin to get a better look at his eyes. Why would she be asking Drake about Lily's blood?

"They have a theory." He offered, glancing toward the doorway. I listened carefully, but it seemed the others had located themselves to another room deeper into the medical wing.

"And?" I questioned now, rather impatiently. I was getting frustrated. Why hadn't I been included in the questioning process? If anything, Lily and I should have been the ones being debriefed on theories…

"Why didn't you come and get me?" I questioned, knowing full well my tone was sounding rather petulant.

He gave me an apologetic look.

"I tried to reach out to you through the bond, but you were still asleep." He explained.

He sighed, dropping his forehead to rest against my own.

"I think we still have to get a hang of the mental connection." He admitted. I nodded somberly.

"I was trying earlier... It seems easier when we are in the same room." I offered, giving him a bit of a half smile.

He nodded, taking in a deep breath. "They think that when I donated my blood to her after her accident, it somehow affected the damaged shifter DNA already in her system." He spoke, dropping his gaze to the floor.

I quirked an eyebrow.

"Affected?" The usage of the word confused me.

_And what exactly did he mean by damaged shifter DNA?_

"That's a whole different theory."

"I'm listening."

"Multiples are not common in the shifter world" Drake began, angling himself to face me. "There are few reports of twins, and even fewer of triplets. At least, according to our current records." I nodded, urging him to continue.

"The doctors think that, because your mom is human and your dad is a shifter the DNA somehow got spliced between the two of you, rather than having developed normally in both you and Lily."

I shook my head. "That seems far fetched."

"Well, if the theory about the shifter gene being gender-linked is correct, technically you both should have shifted without a problem." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It all sounds a bit crazy, and I am not really sure I believe it… but…"

_But what? _

"The theory with Lily is that, because I donated my blood: shifter blood, to her before her moon, her body was somehow able to duplicate and replace the pieces missing in her shifter DNA."

I released a shuddering breath.

"So… what? Does that mean if a shifter had donated blood to me I would have completed a shift too?"

I was stunned and beyond confused.

Drake wrapped a reassuring hand around my own.

"Would that still work? What if Austin donated blood to me, could my body complete the shift now that the moon as passed?"

I felt like jumping out of my seat and running toward the doctor. Could it have been this simple?

Why hadn't I gotten into a life-threatening accident in the last seventeen years? If I had been donated blood by a shifter, than could this whole fiasco could have been prevented…

"I'm not sure. They still have tests to run." Drake whispered, pulling me closer to his side.

I was becoming upset now.

"I could have shifted…"

"You did shift." I glared at Drake, feeling so utterly small. "I could have completed my shift. If only we had known sooner."

"It may not even be true. That's why they called me down here; they wanted to take a blood sample from me. They are comparing it to Lily's to see if there are any similarities now."

"What about my blood? Have they looked at that?"

"I haven't had a chance to ask."

I stood up from the couch, all but storming toward the door.

Drake was quick to follow, reaching out to grab my hand.

"Logan, slow down." He spoke, his words firm and pleading. "I know you're curious. We are all a bit confused right now, but I don't want you storming in there and demanding answers. Everything is still up in the air."

I felt like screaming. _Didn't he know how much I wanted this?_

"Of course, Logan. I-" His words were cut off, however, as the door opened and a somber looking Lily emerged.

Austin followed behind her, a protective hand resting on the small of her back.

I turned quickly from Drake, twisting my arm from his grasp and running toward my sister.

I wrapped my arms around her tightly, relishing in her responding actions.

"Hey Lo Lo." She spoke, her voice soft and tired sounding. She pulled away, resting her palm on my cheek.

"How are you holding up?" She wondered, looking between Drake and I. I tried not to follow her gaze; I still felt on edge and wanted more answers.

"What did the doctors say?" I wondered.

"How much did Drake tell you?" She questioned, looking at him now.

"Everything I had heard up until Logan got her." He answered, his voice tight.

"That's pretty much all the information they have right now." Lily looked to Austin then. He nodded, taking in a long breath.

"I gave a few vials of my own blood, Logan. They will mix it with the samples you donated earlier to see if any change will occur." He gave me a half smile, half grimace.

"They aren't sure though, if we will be too late. Since your moon as already come and gone." He all but whispered, wrapping an arm around Lily's waist.

"Oh…" I had my own doubts, but hearing them spoke out loud made them seem all too real. I wanted this… I wanted this more than anything.

I gave Austin the best look of gratitude I could muster. "Thank you for offering the blood samples. It means the world to me." I answered, aware as Drake stepped up behind me. His arm came around my waist.

"It means the world to us." Drake spoke. I nodded with a soft smile.

"Of course." Austin said, nodding as he led Lily away from the waiting room and back up the stairs.

"Do you want to meet for breakfast tomorrow, Logan?" Lily wondered, slowing their pace down ever so slightly.

"Yeah, that would be great." I responded, watching as they left through the door and walked up the stairs.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"You seem mad."

"I'm not mad, I am just frustrated." How was this even fair? I felt like I was being cheated out of my biggest dream.

"Logan," Drake sighed, twisting me to face him. He looked drained, both mentally and physically.

"Did you sleep?" I wondered, my thoughts drifting from my shifter worries to my Drake worries.

"Remember when we talked about not worrying so much about others?"

"Yea, well you're not exactly 'others'." I stated, reaching my hand up to press against his neck.

"You feel warm."

"I'm always warm." He justified, reaching for my hand and removing it. "Shifter thing." He reasoned, reaching up to feel my neck.

"You feel warm too." He stated.

I quirked an eyebrow. "Liar."

He smirked.

"Did you eat?" I questioned, turning now to face the doorway. I had been impatient with Drake earlier and I didn't want him to think that in my frustration I was going to shutdown and, in turn, shut him out.

"I didn't have time to between the meeting and the infirmary." I shot him a disapproving look.

"Lets get something to eat then." I reasoned, reaching for his hand and guiding him towards the door.

"Shouldn't we talk first?" He wondered, stopping his movements and, as a result, preventing me from moving him forward.

I sighed, turning to face him.

"We'll talk. Believe me, I want to talk this through." I promised, gesturing once more toward the door.

"For now can we please go up stairs? You need to eat something, and you should probably rest."

"Logan, I'm fine."

"Please, Drake. I am sorry for snapping earlier, but I need this time to be normal. Let's go to dinner, and then try and get some sleep" I placed a light kiss on his cheek. "I wasn't the only one who was affected by this last moon; you must be exhausted." I rested my forehead against his chest, relishing in his warmth and nearness.

"We'll talk?" He wondered, dropping hold of my hand to wrap now around my waist.

"Yes, first thing in the morning."

"You're having breakfast with Lily."

"Then right after that. Are you working tomorrow?" I questioned, taking steps toward the exit. I reached forward, twisting the handle and pulling the door toward me.

We made quick work of the stairs, heading now back toward the cafeteria.

"Lucas thought it would be best to give us both the next few days off. You will be needed back in Tarrant at the end of the week, though." He spoke, his voice calm but hesitant.

I hadn't thought far enough forward to our eventually parting.

He would be working the shift at Wolford for the next week or so. I wondered how often I would be able to come and visit him.

"We really need to practice with that mental connection of ours. It's going to be a long distance between here and Wolford." I explained… leaving the more obvious thought hanging in the balance.

_It will be an even longer distance between here and Dartmouth. _

0000

After a light dinner, we made our way back up the stairs.

Drake kept a light hand at the small of my back as we made work of each floor, until we reached his family's quarters.

"Do you think your parents mind that I stay in here with you?" I wondered, watching as he slipped the key into the lock and pushed the door open.

Neither of us reached for the light switch.

_I could really get used to this night vision thing…_

Drake laughed lightly.

"No, I don't think they would care. I don't necessarily think we're obeying Wolford's rules, but…" He smirked, turning me to face him.

"I don't really care." He laughed at himself, leaning down to kiss me ever so lightly.

"Besides, you're my mate and in our world that is as committed as two people can get."

I nodded, smiling at his comment.

I wondered briefly how you would explain our concept of 'mate' to an outsider. This thought was quickly followed up by a series of rather serious and slightly awkward questions.

I felt my cheeks redden as I turned from Drake to face the bed.

"What?" He questioned, his curious mind reaching to me through our connection.

"Uh…" I toed off my shoes and lay down on the comforter.

"I was just thinking about when you go off to school in the fall." Drake's eyes hardened. I knew this wasn't exactly the happiest of topics between us.

"That's not for months." He assured, moving to sit down beside me. He crossed his legs, pressing his back up against the headboard.

I flipped onto my stomach, searching his face as the discomfort and sadness dissipated.

"I know, there is still time." I assured, reaching for and securing his hand within my own. "I guess I was just wondering how you would explain people to me at college?" It was a stupid question, but something I was inherently curious about.

"Explain you?" He wondered, eyebrows furrowing.

"You know. When I come to visit, its not obviously going to be 'this is Logan, my mate'". Once more I laughed. "I guess, would I be considered your girlfriend… or …? I mean, it's different in our tradition, but I don't want the Dartmouth girls thinking you're available."

I laughed at myself. My whole rant sounded completely ludicrous.

I dipped my stare to the mattress. "Never mind, it was just a stupid question I guess." I justified, moving my stare from the mattress back to our entwined fingers.

Drake was silent for some time. His thoughts were contemplative, and his consistent gaze matched them.

"Its not a stupid question. I hadn't really thought about putting a title on our relationship." For some reason his confession made me feel insecure. He hadn't thought about it?

But then again, it was irrational for me to think that way. I hadn't thought about it either… what would I say to a person who asked me about Drake?

I let out a soft sigh, moving my eyes to look upon his face.

"I would tell anyone who asks that we are in a very serious relationship." Drake whispered, removing his hand from my grip to lightly trace the outside of my jaw.

"I don't think an adequate comparison exists outside of our own vernacular to explain our bond. I think it would intimidate most people." He spoke, shifting his weight and moving to lie on his side.

"I think the idea of total commitment scares most humans." He whispered, smiling thoughtfully. He let out a short, soft laugh.

It was the first time he had casually used the word 'human' around me. Only days before I had considered myself to be just that. Human. Limited.

Was I a shifter now? Is that what he saw me as?

I didn't know how to feel about it. Perhaps I shouldn't worry about it. After all, I don't think of Drake as a shifter or a Dark Guardian, but as Drake: my mate.

I nodded my head slightly, rotating from my stomach to my side and leaning my head against his chest.

"I agree." I closed my eyes. "Thanks for indulging my random question." I whispered. He responded with a light chuckle.

"Thanks for asking your random questions. I like to know what you're thinking." He moved his hand to my head, playing with the ends of my hair. "I like it when you share your concerns with me."

I smiled to myself.

"I like that I have someone to share them with."

We both fell into a contented silence then. Drake was quick to fall asleep, his arm protectively curled around my shoulders.

I was not as tired, having taken a nap just a few hours before. I took some time to process all of the theories circulating both my shift and Lily's. I was so very anxious to hear about everything she was thinking.

I wondered if she had tried to shift again.

I tried to keep my thoughts to myself, trying not to disturb Drake's dreams. He was so peaceful now. Even though my heightened sense were picking up all sorts of noises in and around the manor, all I could focus on now was the deep breaths he was taking and memorizing the sound of his steady heart beat.

I had received so many things in these last few weeks. To say I was thankful for this new life I have found would not even begin to cover the sheer gratitude I held inside.

I loved Drake. He was my constant throughout this time of questioning.

I knew that I would have to place my trust in him the next few days.

Many questions would be asked, and I hoped that each would find an adequate and reassuring answer.

0000

A/N: Its been a while. Hope those of you who are still around enjoyed this chapter. As always, thanks for reading!


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